First day of work

First day of work. is TOUGH. my mentor really did pushed me hard enough. my mail box is already full of instructions even before I manage to google "server park". aaaand, he expected me to read up and understand and perform ALL the stuff I've only heard of and touch on the same day.

Ya he's understanding and sharing and patient. but, he's still a boss. and he expects me to deliver. like. very fast. sigh. not easy at all. I'm all stressed out indeed. I tried to capture every word whenever some one is explaining something. and everything just seems all over the places I do not know what goes where. and everyone is busy with their research I can only depend on myself in mine.

And turn out I'm such a dumb and failed miserably, on my first day. gah. gah. GAHHHH. it's so hard. why you no gimme time to adapt and digest and prepareeeeee. it's my first freaking dayyyy. 

GOSH. I better buck up. organize. plan. PREPARE. read. GET IT DONE! WELL! eeeeeeee things please get better. I need motivation, and courage. terribly. 

add value!! NEED TO ADD VALUEEEE to myself.

do what I must

hey there. this post is a gentle reminder to myself. sigh, feeling so restless lately. is it because that I'm 21? I couldn't seem to chill and slack in peace. Ain't like the past summer breaks, I feel so guilty each time I nap or watch tv or read the same old story books to pass time. I feel so guilty and restless.

Always, there's a tiny voice in my head. I NEED to clean my study table. I NEED to organize my wardrobe. I NEED to get started if I want to make those handcrafts again. I NEED to learn to cook. I NEED to read all the untouched new books. I NEED to read up for my internship. I NEED to exercise. I NEED to plan the outings and get out of the house to socialize. I NEED to buy of the stuff which I have to buy.

and the tiny voices just gets louder and louder. guess it's a good thing I have signed up for internship. need something to force myself to get those brains exercised. hmph. and guess what, zero outing since my exams ended. eeeeeeee. no one wants to see me. T.T 

aaand. i'll take this as a new journey. a three months journey. let's forget study life for a while. also ELP finale is near. I'm a little excited, just a little bit. 

and there's this song we sing at the elp: let it be. three simple words which ask for so much. it bugs my mind so much I still failed to let it be. if there's a deadline for me to get over it, it is right NOW. two years is already too much of a waste of time, an additional half a year is ridiculously pointless and utter idiocy. shouldn't even waste an extra a single second brooding on it.

it's a new journey. a brand new journey. new motto: before starting on something, first think how you would finish it.

some what, feeling a little stressed out. sigh.

life ain't easy huh

breakaway from monash

hello all. the three months holidays have begun!! yes. I'm done with my finals, not practically happy with my com sys paper, but the rest are okay I guess. Anyway, time to sum up for this semester!!

This semester is a tough one. basically, Since the start of the semester, about ninety of the time is spent on studies. like, seriously, I can't even have a longer lunch break even if I want. every day, there will just be counting the remaining hours we get to meet the next deadline, and the next, and the next. Building a robot is all the more the most nerve racking project we ever had. Imagine sacrificing all the other unit studies just to spend more time on building robot. everyday, we stayed in the lab for long hours to solve endless problems of the robot. from material, positioning angle, programming, and circuits, nothing in which we could take for granted of.

So, there goes the 12 weeks. Plus the finals. All done after sleepless nights and stressful days. Nothing much to add on to the story at all. what a boring story of an engineering student life. sigh. so the third year, what's the difference u'd ask? simple answer: minus the play time, sleep time and outing time, then add all those into study and nerd time. 

Stupid semester. I've basically turned into to fat black lazy antisocial nerd already. aaaaaa. people have been telling me I've grown FAT. I IS FAAAATer than before. ish. gonna hit the gym these holidays. or pool. ishhhhh. and really I don't feel like talking most of the time. i don't know why. I just don't feel cheerful, at all. I'm constantly tired and stressed out. where got mood to mix around I ask you? even elp activities sound like a bother. 

the only consolating part is that I've met two very nice people in my group of electrical friends. not that I don't know them before. just that being in the same group has really brought us closer. hahaha. it's a weird group though. the three of us are soooo different. but they helped me survive the semester. one provide me transport to uni the other helped me source the past years. heh. so grateful I am ^^ wouldn't have gone so far without them! tq Pz and yin wei ^^

So, one semester it is, since the old group has gathered together. such a long time isn't it? what'll it be like three months from now I wonder.

anyways, these holidays, the main agenda would be internship. no more slacking, resting, playing. working to add value to my future career instead. also, I've officially stopped giving tuitions. that means no  incomeeee!!! damn. but, guess it is time for me to stop anyway. my sister is graduating and I've going into my final year soon enough. I really have to focus in my studies.

so ya. and I'm stuck at home for two days since exam ended. and I just spammed all the group chats at whatsapp to schedule outings. heh. hopefully, in these three coming months, I could find back my cheerful side. and yeshhh no monash for three months!! gosh I hate that place. hmph.

engineering design

tadahhhh!!  week 12 has ended! omg omg omg omg I still can't believe it. I'm done with one semester of my third year!! not to mention the freaking robot project and lab test. 

aaaaaand. our robot lost. sigh. okay, it got second place. so I'm still happy I guess? after tedious hours of improvising and repairing and optimizing and testing, our perfected robot still wasn't perfect enough to win. hardware failure. power supply failure. and so it lost in the third round. but it was pretty impressive in the first two rounds, scored 7 in the first, 3 in the second. and then it seemed to get older every passing minute @@ it scored 2 in the third round but lost by 5 to 2. scored 1 in the forth and scored none in the final round. gahhhh.

any how, we really did our very best. considering that I even gave up my beauty sleep to stay up late in the nights to perfect the coding. at the last night before the competition, we stayed in uni to perfect the design up to 1am midnight. half way testing out our robot, the power supply in the corridor was cut off. we continue to test the robot in the dark. but then we were asked to leave by the security guards, since we weren't suppose to use the arena past mid night. oh well. a few teams stayed over for the night since the tutorial rooms are open for 24 hours.

on the big day itself, we had to fix several minor problems, including broken wires, and preparing "spare parts" for the robot just in case of an emergency. during the first round of the competition, I almost got a heart attack when the robot ran up the obstacle placed in the arena. as in literally UP. the obstacle had a sharp edge so the robot wasn't able to avoid it. the vehicle went forward, with the obstacle in between the robot mouth and the vehicle drove up the edge. it was almost verticle and it got stuck there for a while. thankfully this managed to activated the base sensor which triggered the robot to reverse. and so our robot gt down from the sharp edge safely with a loud BANG and was able to continue to function. this was one of the most nerve racking moments during the competition round @@

we lost the first place to the robot called "minion" which used a fan to collect and shoot the ball. it was really impressive and their robot worked consistently. we also lost due to bad luck, our robot wasn't able to encounter any balls in the first half of the third round. so, sigh. frustrated. but anyhow, we got 6 marks deducted but still earned a certificate award for second placing!! 

our perfected bingo

ours is like the ugliest robot, since we put the least effort to design the outer casing. oh well, at least it works fine. @@ I guess it'll be dead boring if I continue to explain the details of the parts of the robot, so I'll just leave it here. 

group photo!! you can compare the ugliness of our robot with the others. it was also one of the smallest. 3 of the robots weren't here though. I especially like the wolverine, which had the most unique outlook design.

proud of our team: pei zhan, who continuously untiringly persistently reminds us to work on our robot. seriously we won't be able to go so far without her. we'll slack and settle for less, no doubt. ahah. and yin wei, who was the main programmer who was so eager to win since the preliminary round. ahahaha seriously I never see him so hardworking before. and agoo. who was always late but gave constructive and helpful comments to improve our robot. ahaha. and yk! who wasn't in our team but helped us lots nevertheless! same goes to wc who helped us in the chassis of the robot. nice fellows they are ^^ so, it's a perfect team I guess. we managed to work happily and achieved so much. thank you! to each and every one of you ^^

so, one unit down!! I have three final papers to sit for in the next few weeks. time to catch up with studying. since, seriously, I had only absorbed 30% for the other units this semester? this happens when we worked too much on our robot. no time to lose! good luck for finals y'all!!

pushing further

pushing and pushing myself further. The semester seems so long and never ending. lost all my motivation and energy already. i'm so bad at multitasking i can't focus on the things at hand. i'm missing my friends when i'm studying. i'm missing studying when i'm outside. and i'm missing chilling when i'm studying. i'm chilling when i'm suppose to be studying. this is BAD.

also, my lecturer teaches so slowly that we are 4 weeks behind schedule. FOUR WEEKS. how am i suppose to swallow everything on top of the other stuff that i have in hand. I want a break. A real break. An empty mind. A peaceful heart. and a good book. argh. 

Week 11. Things are gonna be over soon enough. Dragging myself towards the finishing line. Can't even plan too far ahead since there are too many things at hand. But i have TONNES to do after this semester. Here's part of the list:

1. Trip with family

2. Shop for heels, bag, clothes

3. Read, three books at least

4. Draw, sorta have an idea already

5. Write, sorta have an idea too

6. build an amplifier

7. intern

8. join microsoft student partner??

9. cook. this seems essential.

10. any form of exercise. i'm too weak! yoga again maybe?

11. research on FYP. other means of adding value to my future career.

12. plan a trip with...who wants trip??

13. reorganize my room, my wardrobe, my uni stuff . 

14. Find/ make/ buy a better uni notebook!

15. okay now i can meet up with people stress-free and mindfully!!

sigh. writing a list makes me feel so much better. should have done this much much earlier. okay. ALMOST THERE. CHIONG AAAA.

Post Week 9

Hey, guys. Ya, I'm alive. I survived nine hellish weeks of monash Year 3 sem1. Seriously, I really thought I wouldn't make it through. And guess what? We won the preliminary competition!!! for the robot hockey warrior project! AHA! oops. didn't meant to boast. but that's the biggest achievement for me this year. minus the ELP, and sth else. lol. guess it's a good year for me indeed. more of that later.

Anyways. Days have been so BUSY I couldn't think ahead of more than two days at a time. and I really couldn't emphasize the word BUSY more. EVERYDAY is so FULL of workload and due dates. Besides the same old reports, assignments, and test, we literally CAMP in the lab for freaking long hours, either figuring out how to move the robot, or fix the robot, or debug the program. I could hardly find time to eat and the hours are terribly long and tiring. Two days before the competition, we even lengthen our hours in the uni until late night. Some people even stayed over for the last night. Thankfully, the mid sem break is here, I'm relaxed a little more, yet I still see myself spending the entire week in monash.

Ya, so we won. So at least that part of our hard work has paid off. Not that there will be time to celebrate, it was just the preliminary competition after all. After this week, another three hellish weeks is coming up! not to mention I've zero knowledge of the studies this semester, because of the overflowing assignments. sigh. guess that I won't have time to worry bout it until the three weeks long study break (Thank god for that!). Here's the breakdown of next three weeks:

Week 10: Labview assignment due 10%

Week 11: Engineering design report due 30%

Week 12: Engineering design presentation 10%

                Engineering design final competition 35%

                Computer system Lab test 10%

THREE WEEKS. looks like the same workload for 9 weeks doesn't it? so of course we have to work overtime during mid semester break. what choice do we have left? sigh. but, it's fine. it's really fine. I'm taking a liking to my discipline even more recently ^^ somehow I find electrical people simpler and kinder and nicer than others. I like nice people.

Teaching. oh well.  it's nearing the end of the year, so most of the work I have is just to revise the syllabus. And another student left me recently, pretty sad about it but never mind. I won't have time to teach soon anyway, since I have decided to intern with my mentor this coming holidays. I might have to quit teaching permanently. hmm. might.

And ELP. it feels like its in the way now. in the way of my mid sem break. In the way of my lab assignments. In the way for me enjoying dinner out. and since things have changed, or more like since I've decided for the better for myself, ELP is just no longer fun. but whatever, it'll be over soon enough. I'm still thankful to get to know my mentor through ELP though. not to mention my internship opportunity, and also the opportunity to meet and know so many other new friends.

lastly, say hi to BINGO. tadahhhh.

and, I can FINALLY call myself a programmer. muahahahaha. I'm no longer a computer noob and I can finally consider myself engineer material. BIG ACHIEVEMENT OF THE YEAR ^^

life is near perfect for me now, I guess? I have progressive work which add values to my future (what my mentor always emphasize). I have good people around me. very good people. I ate lala and crab with family recently. and I still managed to squeeze time for my friends sometimes. just a little more time for me to catch up on my sleep and life would be perfect. Oh and I have to change the antisocial attitude of myself. Somehow, too engaged in work I guess? tend to be more antisocial recently.

okay. til then. ciao ^^

make time

indulging myself the the hectic-ness of year 3 engineering. it's no joke. these days, you will either find me with the computer working with reports, or spending hourssss in the lab racking my brain. or teaching. and that's it T.T

and week 5 is just over, I now it's fast, but there's still a long way to go until I complete this semester. gah. ENDLESS assignments. literally ENDLESS until the end of semester. there won't be a day before that which I could say ' yay! I've done all my work!' . NONE. zzz. 

not that it's all suffer. some are interesting and challenging, though not many would agree. because most of them are heck troublesome. anyhow, I'm kept my pace this semester, won't say I've fallen back too much or some what. So, time to MAKE TIME for my friends huh? MAKE TIME. zzzz.

Third Year

Guess that one of the greatest difference of this semester with the rest is independence. Some how this time round we know that when we want something done, we have to make it done by ourselves. Mostly we got scared by the Engineering Design unit. A 100% project based unit. We have to design and build a freaking robot which could play hockey and compete with the rest of the robots by the end of this semester. ONE HUNDRED FREAKING PERCENT project based unit. no wonder we're so scared. gah.

The lecturers, are okay, bt their lectures...some not so. sigh. why is it always like that? there's only dr. mark whom I can really count on. To compensate for the heavy work load, this semester we have no ONLINE QUIZZES. I hate online quizzes. they're so frequent and I have to spend so much time on just the one or two percent they carry. such a pain in the ass. so glad that I'm rid of them this semester!

Also, this semester I started to mix with more different people. the people i used to not talk to, somehow we're talking now. Finally huh. Not sure if its because of the lack of people in my batch. or that we finally managed to break the ice after two years of being course mates. Or that I'm not so nervous speaking to new people now. Or somehow that my confidence got boosted a bit considering the recent change in my life. hee. Or that being 21 is really THAT different with my previous 20 years. Even within my circle of people I could hear some wisdom now instead of just the usual jokes and craps we used to say so much.

Anyhow, I'm glad. I'm not so worried anymore. I'm not so tied up anymore. I'm practically fine just hanging out with anybody. Also, it's my luckiest semester =p 

Since the circumstances have already worked so well for me, I should just grab hold of this opportunity and focus on improving my engineering technical skills right? I have lots to learn and to practice. I need to learn the parts and chips and graphs and codes in different languages. I have to get better at programming. I have to BUILD A FREAKING ROBOT.

I'm half an engineer now, cool huh? guess so ^^

til then.

ciao~

No pain, no gain.

gosh. things are getting serious. internship. FYP. 100 percent project based unit. just stepping into Year 3, I can feel the tension in the air. No last minute studies can save me now. No more chilling break times. No more spacing off in lectures. Every minute counts! By the end of this semester, I must be at least ready for internship and score good grades in my semester. This is all that matters.

And so we meet the seniors again. Not my favorite batch of people. Some how I feel alienated from them, with their super geniuses topics and jokes. I feel like a First Year freshie just being in the same class with them. Also, there's HIM. in every single stupid class. grrrrr testing my patience to the max. 

But oh well, I'm still gonna hate the things I don't like. The only thing I can change is my attitude. Slowly, I guess, thanks to my mentor I'll get to know the seniors better. Then maybe I'll be able to fit in.  No matter what, it will not repeat as it was in Year 2 sem 1. Where I failed in both the assignments and with the people. I'll upgrade myself, I told my friends. I'll study like fatfish if I have to. I'll swallow the unit guides in the first week. I'll treat this like how it was when I was in A levels. Also I could not fit in, and self studied the entire unit of Further Maths. I'll study freaking hard this semester.

Nothing is impossible. Expecially when my 'problems' are only so little and insignificant. ATTITUDE is the key. I'm gonna be very busy. I'm gonna work very hard. I'm gonna skip the useless lecture and camp in the library if I have to. I'm gonna bug the seniors with questions after questions. I'm gonna learn. No pain, no gain.

til then.

ciao.

new

had an inspiring and motivational lunch with my mentor today. gosh, he made me feel guilty over how I spent my holidays. he said I shouldn't chill =\ he mentioned 人生 has all 酸甜苦辣, and so we should go for bitter first, 先苦后甜。university days are the best days to try out things and test our limits. if we don't dare to do anything now, we probably won't in the future. we'll eventually get comfortable with the false sense of security and wouldn't dare change anymore. so, oh well. I should stop walking, and start running! no reason for me to slack and hold back anymore.

and why WHY are the engineering guys so nerd??? they discussed softwares, and lectures and codes over lunch, and don't seem to respond to other topics o.o how is it possible that I am the one who talk the most over lunch in a group of people. this has never happened before. 

anyways, I've decided to intern with my mentor. sounds tough, what they are doing. but sounds like its my job to find the way through it by myself, and only by this way that I'll grow. so, new circle of friends maybe? o.o new attitude and method in my studies. new aim. new direction.

This coming summer break, I shall intern, learn programming. learn to be an engineer. a real one outside the classroom. maybe, maybe I won't end up as a lecturer at all. hmm, still don't know where I'll head to.

everything is so new. I'll take some time to get used to it ^^

til then. 

ciao.

one step up

time flies. duh, proven theory right. there's only one week left until another new semester begins. I'm entering my third year. and seriously, I don't look forward to it at all. 

I don't exactly dread it. but, I feel like I haven't rest enough. I'm not quite prepared for another 12 weeks of hectic-ness and drama. and don't tell me there won't be any dramas. there will be. in my past four semesters, they all had dramas, each more dramatic than the one before. hmm. ya, so I don't know what to expect, and I don't really feel like facing them.

this one month holiday, not very eventful, but at least I have met up with all the essential people in my life. Another step closer with my old pals, and reconnect with a few whom I've lost touch with. Friends. love them. who can live without them?

Monash. not my favorite place, but hopefully with less expectations I would get delightful surprises in return? another 12 weeks to strengthen my will, to sharpen my skills, and to learn more lessons. Life lessons don't come by easily, we always learn through the hard ways. all the same, I wish for a peaceful semester. PEACEFUL, I say.

and yea, there's ELP too. but i guess i've done most of my part, so nothing much maybe? decided to pull out from D2Y, for far too many reasons, 可惜。and mostly, I shall focus more on reading, I guess. spend whatever free time I have on reading, until I pick up the habit again.

til then.

ciao

整理

time to clean the dust gathered on my blog skin. ya i've been missing because holidays is here. and yes, there's no stopping the laze from setting in. ahaha.

anyways, been under the weather for the last two days, which makes me wanna laze even more. I'm so tired to do anything even though my to-do list is still unchecked. 

so this is what i felt when holidays approached. from anticipation, to disappointment, to submittal, to closure (when the trip got cancelled). and when the holidays arrived, I went from feeling relieved (having freed from studies at last ), to feeling emo (always happen when I suddenly have nothing to do), to acceptance, then adaption.

I don't know what I want to express. but you know? recently I'm feeling like I just let things slide. I used to be a nosy noisy person looking for trouble. always persisting and digging into the things that i disagree with. stubborn, you could say. but now, I just let things slide. i just see less importance. just less and less. is that growing up? is that upgrading my EQ. or is that submittal to the circumstances. 

some things, I'm really really uncomfortable with. I wanted to confront them, but there are always uncertainties and buts. and so I decided to let it be for a while and put more thought on it afterwards. and then, I grew comfortable with it. I grew comfortable with the things that I don't like that caused me distress. is it temporary forgetfulness that caused me to not be bothered anymore? or is it that I really grew out of it and became okay with it just by just passing time. it scares me sometimes how I could be comfortable with things just so easily. it makes me think if i should stay bothered and confront it when I had the chance then.

一样的心态，对什么样的事情，应该都会有一样的结果。所以，是我心态的问题，还是。本就是如此。

maybe. some things become less important because we need to shift our focus onto the ones which are more important. maybe, that's what I have to figure out. at this stage, this time, what are the important things? those which truly matter.

okay. I know now. when you find yourself putting less importance on the things that you used to emphasize on, rejoice. don't dwell on it and move on to the ones that still bother and still matter to you. it's your feelings telling you that you should move on.

lol. takes me two hours to think this through. hmm. okay. I'm fine now ^^

til then.

ciao

closure

hi guys. I'm here because I'm done with three papers!! not that I did great. seriously, too much last minute preparations for this semester. I won't be surprised if I lost all my HD's this semester. sigh. Maybe there's too much on my plate this semester, with teaching (4 classes), and distractions and all. my internals was much better, thanks to the seniors answers and duh thanks to pkp. lol, seriously I won't put so much effort into internals if its not because of him constantly pressuring us. lol. 

Anyways, time to clear my mind. there's so much going on in there. I realized something, I'm not a logical person at all. I'm not the so call bluish person I thought I am. People around me are much for logical and realistic and practical. while sometimes I find myself being stuck in my own dreamy-blurr-imaginative thinking.  

I've been researching on horoscopes lately. with google and of course consulting the pro-- my sis. I used to not believe in the 'crap', how could such complicated personalities of the humans be described based on some stars and birth dates? sounds ridiculous, no? But through some observations, i finally accepeted that some of the theories are actually true and applicable. See? how logical could I be to actually believe in horoscopes and to keep researching to search for answers? not so, huh. anyways, I learnt quite a lot. ahaha. to observe the personalities of others. lol. finally huh? used to spend too much time reflecting and being self-conscious to analyse the other people. finally, the fish is swimming out. 

do not simplify complicated things, do not complicate simple things. this is something I've read about somewhere. hmm, don't simplify complicated things huh, no wonder I always lost control in life. I'm managing things the wrong way and trying to fit things into places they're not meant to be. 

so, complicated things are just complicated huh? a lesson to teach us that there's no shortcut in life. the way has already been determined ages ago, whether you like it or not, and either you deal with it, or suck at it. so things that ain't in your field, are not your field. that's the truth.

anyways, there's nothing much to look forward to during the coming holidays. No trips, no anything. but sure, there's a couple friends coming back from overseas that I wish to spend time with, a few books I want to finish, and maybe some future plans which I need to sort out. Other than that, nothing major. oh well, save money for bigger trips in the future, I think. 

And going into Year 3 in less than two months time. oh my gosh. guess I really have to change/upgrade/evolve my study habit. else, I won't be able to cope!! like seriously. sigh. and other things as well, how much further can I push myself? hmm. hwaitinggg~ 

til then. 

ciao~

mad

gosh. seriously. recently things are not going the way I intended them to. really, I considered myself as a 随便 person, as I'm okay with a lot of things that some people will disagree with. but seriously? some people still have ways to drive me mad.

No mater how many things I'm okay with, there will still be things which I'm not. then, all of a sudden, I will be sick of being okay with the things I don't like, and i retort to give the people a piece of my mind by being mad. my students. my friends. my course mates. Which is not good at all. As anger just exchange for more anger. and there is no way you'll feel good for getting angry. you just can't be happy by being angry.

anyways, I'm regretting it. for getting mad. Yes, there are things that I don't like. and yes, I really want them to have a piece of my mind. But, being right is not that important. and being wrong is just seeing things at a different perspective. so, getting angry wont achieve anything and it certainly won't get you anywhere. except for increasing your blood pressure or pulse rate or killing your own cells.

gah. 做人还是心平气和的好。so, avoid getting mad as much as possible. its healthier for yourself and others as well. having self awareness is good enough. as long as I won't lost myself in madness and I could get out of the state of being angry.

let go of the grudge. it's much more simpler than staying angry, really.

I'm sorry that I was mad.

til then.

ciao~

to be better

Ya, should you read my blog, you would know that I'm an insecure person. I don't like the way I am. I always feel that I could do more, I could achieve more, I could be better than who I am currently.

But recently, that feeling is a little lesser than before. It's good news right? I should be congratulated v^^ . First of all, my EQ upgraded I think, I managed to not breakdown or to throw temper when something really got onto my nerves. I managed to stay calm and stick with the shits calmly. "don't let them affect me.", I constantly chant to myself.

Another thing is that, I'm not so shy anymore, even though I still feel antisocial sometimes. But, I guessed it has at least improved a little. I would be friendlier in future, hmm. I guess the only way out is to practice, to converse more with random people. It would be awkward at first, but if I continue to work on it, I would get it some day. Also, my English must be improved. gawd, I don't want to turn into a so call lala mui.

It is because that the holidays are drawing near? or it is because I've faced too much shits in uni, I miss all my old friends all of a sudden. The seniors, the pmo's, the zoo, the oldest pals. I know all of them are working hard as well on different sides of the surface of the earth. hmm, maybe I should just make each of them a post card or sth. I'm missing arts already.

The main reason that I got through all the shits and still stay stronger, is that there is a person constantly at the back of my mind. mm hmm, some one special, my guardian angel. I'm truly blessed.

okay. here's a to go list:

1. candylicious

2. the art material shop in the gardens/ one u.

3. umaya? the big bad wolf and 3 lil pigs?? dabinlo? ahaha. or any other fancy food restaurant. I want FOOD.

4. shopping malls. i need to do shoppinggggg

5. park. broga hill. the frim. I need trees and greeneries. picnic, anyone??

6. yumcha. YUMCHA PEOPLE. I MISS YA.

7. trip. hee I have one or two of them already, so I'm happy.

okay. now I'm motivated to prepare for the finals. see you guys after June!!

til then.

ciao

another end

Another crazy semester is ending. And, as usual, I take a stroll down the memory lane (my old blog posts) before summarizing for this semester.

This semester, things have gone through a BIG change, a whole new transformation, and maybe now in the process of reformation. Fate had it all arranged for us. the timing, the events, the people. And we can never be prepared for it, it swallowed us like a tsunami wave. And, there we are, some real shits in life.

I'm sad that things are not the same anymore. I'm sad that things have to happen the way they happened. but ya, I have went through it and came out from the other end a little stronger. Also, it's during the shits of life that I see the real beauty in people. Few of them, whom I'm so so thankful for. Also, some of the reality had hit me real hard in the face, telling me that it's life and I have to stick with it no matter how I don't like the things I don't like. 

Sigh I was wishing the trip would be a refreshing and relaxing one. who knows, more drama. Human emotions, are one of the things that are totally out of my control. I'm an engineer, that's why, I guess. gahhhh.

My new motto in life: optimism. since things are subject to changes so easily, there's bound to be a way out if these (There are two things i'm referring to here). We're really too young to just conclude anything.

Any how, another interesting and eventful semester of my university life has ended. Cheers, people, to one step closer to who we are gonna be, and what we have achieved in the 12 weeks. We are awesome v^^

til then

ciao

听心

外面、里面，很不同的两个世界。得分清楚。得学习两种世界的处事方式。得清楚知道自己在哪里，做着什么，和为的是什么。

要个简单的世界，其实复杂得很。警惕千万不要迷失自己。如果路是辛辛苦苦、精挑细选选出来的，千万要走得全心全意，走得满足，走得快乐。

在人多的时候，观察自己的言语；一个人的时候，观察自己的心。

是我的，就是我的。是吧？

no problem!

yep. I should STOP letting the little things affect me. NOT by complaining, not by trying to solve them, not by confronting them, not by walking away. Just by not letting them affect me! because, the truth is, those little things ain't a problem at all. they will only be the problem if I let them to be the problem.

so, cheers! just but smiling and by choosing to be awesome instead, it might just be problem-free. no sweat!!

时运高，看不到！too many things to be grateful of in my life, I ain't got time for them little 'problems' anyways. V^^

til then.

chaoz~

自己主宰

我的生命，自己主宰。长大咯，要对自己所有所有的一切附上责任。不能等别人安排，不能等命运安排。决定，到最后，是自己的。生活、人生里的成败，都只属于自己的。

可是，前途茫茫、疑惑重重，太多太多未知数，只能感到彷徨。对周围让自己得利的感到感恩，从朋友家人中得到力量和勇气。虽然还是没有答案，但那一切一定可以替自己减低负担，让自己肯定自己。

到最后的最后，生命还是由自己主宰。切记金玉良言、友人忠告，母亲遗言：带眼识人、坚强再坚强、从生命中吸取智慧，还有，要快乐。

“用心”二字，小学学来太简单了，在生活上，有多少人常常忽略这二字？用心，寻找意义。还有大把进步的空间。世界之大，一定有能容我之处。提起勇气来，再向过去的人生做出挑战。

所谓朋友

what are friends? Friends are the bunch of people you keep around yourself and in your life by CHOICE. and by choice, meaning friends might come and go. some would stay, some would leave. and things happen for a reason, so whether they stay or leave, there's always a reason. sometimes, it's the distance and different pathways that tore friends apart. in some cases, things just fall apart. And in each case, whether a friend stays or leave, tells a tale of yourself.

so, when a friend leaves. what does it mean? it might mean that you're not needed in their lives anymore, vice versa. or if it is due to conflict and discontentment that can't be resolved, it might just mean that your paths have differ, and the friendship is not meant to be. Also, a disappointing friendship may also be a lesson for you to reflect upon yourself. some mistakes, some doing of yourselves, have actually hurt the other person with you not realizing it. so, in a friendship that has fallen apart, you could choose to learn from it, or just walk away.

What about the friends who are still staying around you? Friends leaving and staying is actually just the same as a half-filled cup of water. you may view it as half full, or half empty. people stay beside you for a reason too. do they enjoy your company? do they want some benefits? do they just love being in a crowd of people? or do they really like who you are. It's quite important to realize this more than the other( the part about friends leaving). It's important to realize that people who hang around you, have, indeed, CHOSEN to be around you. isn't that something more precious? isn't that something to be treasured? and treasure it before it is GONE. the same things don't work FOREVER. people change. so do you. also, realizing that means knowing what your strengths are. if you know why people love being around you, it would give you confidence, motivation, and more reasons to do the same to others.

don't take things for granted. 人家对你好，是人情；不对你好，是道理。

just a few weeks, and I realized I'm not the simple girl who fails to realize and figure out things anymore. the more I discovered, the sadder, really. but, we're all grown ups now. don't expect happiness to be given by others. create your own, and infect others as well.

grasp the moment before it is gone. be thankful before it is too late.

til then.

ciao~

伤

突如其来的两个礼拜，让我措手不及。我只能愣愣地被你们影响着，一个不小心，受伤了。泡沫也破掉了，不见了。

至少，我问心无愧。我拥有许多真心担心我，又费心费神关心我的朋友。我还有我热爱做的事。我有可以期待的明天。我，可以满足了。

可是，夜静人深，我的心，好像穿洞了。我要忙了。我会忙得不得了。别怪我只能用麻痹自己来暂时过日子。

Learning

Recently, I've seen and heard a lot of things. 21, don't really know what kick-started it, but I sorta feel like I'm growing up faster than ever. some how, I've managed to open new doors to new possibilities. and that, threw me into a whole new world. ya, I'm the late comer, but from now onwards I will have more point of views, I think?

also, I need to be more cautious with my speech. there are times where I have to hold my tongue, to not let slip something, to not accidentally burn a bridge. keep my mouth shut a little longer. think before I speak. choose the words I speak. patience, tolerance, and be cautious.

Realization and appreciation. I have a number of friends who put their whole heart and soul into the moments spent together. I can feel the warmth in my heart, touched, just by their very presence. they are my teachers of life who taught me things which i can't learn from home or alone. precious, isn't it? I just hope that, maybe I would, too be someone like that? I know I drift away sometimes @@

anyways, I learnt quite a lot I guess. maybe nothing seemed to have changed, but a change of heart is certain. A change in perspective, a little more hope, and the courage to love.

til then.

ciao~

self awareness

Today, we have a long stretch of ELP workshops relating to self awareness. from 9am to 6 pm. and god knows how my mind loveee to react to self reflection. spent a whole day thinking what am I to be, what am I not to be etc. you could say its a bit of overdose.

anyways, we have this self portrait activity, where we could share a bit of ourselves. and the criteria that relate to me most is "my life defining moments". ya, this, I said to myself, is basically what made up who I am today. I have a story to share, at the tip of my tongue, yet, I couldn't bring myself to share it. I was pretty much sure that I would break into tears if I were to share it this morning.

ya. so this is what I'm unhappy about myself: me being unable to overcome my past. some of u all might have heard it before, some of u have not. so here's the story. when i was a kid, i was loved, pampered, taught and brought up much by my mother. thanks to my mum's harsh training, i was active in a lot of things. speech, story telling, acting, singing, basically I could do all of those stuff almost effortlessly. i was carefree and fearless.

then, 7 years ago, my mother died of cancer. and that, basically changed my whole character. I became depressed and quiet. I quit trying out all the stuff that I used to. most of the time I spent time daydreaming and telling myself I didn't have to mourn. I didn't want to be looked as the weak, pathetic, motherless child. and after that, I became an introvert, a anti-social, and had cut myself off from the outside world for a while.

form 2 is the worst time that one can lose a parent. I was a young teen, and it was the age and crucial time where one finds out and discover themselves. under all the peer pressure and self wallowing, I sorta crushed. and ever since then, I've considered myself downgraded from who I once were, being unable to do the things I used to do effortlessly.

ever since that, I've joined lots and lots of activities, trying and striving hard to build my character. is it all half-hearted? is it that i've really gone all weird. I've grown, and changed. but into a different person of who I am before.

until this very day, I am never proud of who I have become. and this. is the reason why I did not share my story today. after these seven long years, I haven't manage to overcome the past that have changed me. I still have a missing piece in my heart. I still couldn't see that, the death of my mum, is fated to shape me the way I am to be. maybe its because I'm not there yet. I'm just still dissatisfied.

I'm not giving up. Still striving, even though it may not be effortless any more. I believe that, one day, the missing piece will finally be filled. and at that time, I will be able to look back at my broken past, at a state of peace of mind, feeling complete and no longer affected by the loss. And then, I would be able to retell my story, feeling proud, and thankful for the lessons and with no more regrets.

终有一天，一定会释怀的。

til then.

ciao~

Engineer Your World

yes yes. i'm a very anxious person. less than two years into my program, i'm already being nervous about how the industry would look like. how should i cope. exactly how the corporate people look like. did i even get into the wrong field etc. so, thanks to the ELP tadahhhh i met about a dozen of them last Friday. not just any engineers, most of them are experienced leaders and entrepenaurs, not to mention with titles of Dr Ir etc. For this, i'm thankful for Monash to actually get those elders to mentor us, for a year! this is something you might not even have the chance to get, even if you PAY for it. truly truly a GOLDEN oppurtunity.

anyways, i've met my mentor. and he's awesome! quite young, compare to the other mentors, yet his history is already quite amazing. and most importantly, he's so friendly and willing to share. we met up before the program launching, and he talked to us for a whole hour non stop! he even told us his schedule and already asked us to join him for weekend lunch. Since most of them are leaders of the industry, they must be extremely busy. For them to initiatively make time for us, not waiting for us to make appointment with them, that is something rare. i'd be an idiot to not treasure it.

so what are the mentors for, u'd ask? basically the ELP is a program where we students undertake ourselves. but having mentors is like knowing that someone is watching your back, and there'll always be someone whom you can approach if you need advice of any sort. they are the current leaders, we are of the future. if we can learn from them, at this early stage of life, we could, as quoted from a friend, start ahead and stay ahead.

ya. finally a tiny peek into the working world. the BIG people are also people. not too scary. at least our mentors aren't. and the uni life, has almost nothing similar to the industry. and also, if you are going to be a REAL engineer, life will be as challenging as it could be. life ain't easy. guess i should just bear that in mind.

time to evolve. and this time, there's something else at the back of my head: not only that i will strive hard, i will also make my mentor proud.

til then.

ciao~

Challenge Accepted

First of all, i would like to share a piece of good news. i got into the ELP a.k.a. the Engineering Leadership Program!!! not that i'm THAT thrilled over it. just that, its a tini tiny accomplishment for me this year, not to mention its an open door to many many more!

so, the first meeting of the ELP goes okay. First thing that cross my mind is how cool all the others look like. i could notice a number of natural leaders among the group already. half of me is feeling intimidated, and another half of me is actually glad to have the chance to work alongside them. time to learn!! time to evolve. time to let loose of myself and step outside, way way wayyyy outside of my comfort zone.

Another thing that crossed my mind is a sense of panic. God knows how i have no idea whatsoever how to even face the respectable, more-intimidating-looking industry mentors/leaders/seniors. i suck BIG TIME at social. especially at formal events. argh. they are the VIPs of this coming  Friday during the program launching. and we are supposed to INTRODUCE OURSELVES to them. gosh. I'm already secretly glad that the event is only 2 hours long hence we won't need to spend too much time around them @@. i know i won't magically turn into a social pro who is able to start a professional chat without breaking a sweat immediately. guess the only thing i can go for is to BE (not act) more friendly and try my very very best to BE (not act) more natural and hopefully manage to actually start a real talk with the elders. i'm freaking out. ergh.

and the next fear: MONKEY BARS. argh. this is one i COULD NEVER overcome. not until i spend time practising arm wrestles or lifting dumbbells or doing push ups anyway. i have helplessly small strength. and the ELP is going to a camp retreat this coming Monday. that means MONKEY BARS are unavoidable! i guess. T.T and the wall thingy. i'm only able to climb up if i'm stepping on another person.

and the next fear: not being able to fit in. sigh. this is also something that can easily happen. i'm somewhat different and alien and sakai i don't know. but hopefully i won't just go anti-social all of a sudden and fall out of the group. sigh.

guess that's quite a lot of fear i have already. but if that's not the case, there's no point for me to join this program already right? i join to overcome my fear, my limitations, my incompatibilities. so. here's a list! Lists are awesome! i tend to do things better with a seqence. haha. okay. so, the list of things to be done and of goals to be achieved!

1. presentation skills! this is something i could improve on!! finally have a hang of it since my teaching career. big thanks to ttc! but maybe its time to add some spices, some interaction, some humour?! @@ into it.

2. social skills. start with pairs? do my homework. get ready to face the BIG people.

3. leadership skills. a ALL rounded leader. compatability. and the ability to control, trust and influence.

4. let loose. i'm still so winded up by myself. time to decrease the reluctance level, the hesitation level, the pessimism level, and increase the DARING level!!!

i hope this would not be just another camp. i hope that i won't be doing the same things that i already know of. i hope that my heart will be big enough this time, it won't crush under all the pressure, stress, and negativities when the time comes.

til then.

ciao~

BO JIO

LOL. this is fun. the IIDYT rarely debates about something interesting. but when we do, the topic is BO JIO. ahahaha. come to think of it it's kinda funny. and a little childish. but whatever.

anyways. the thing is, the group has grown so big, asking everybody to attend to every event is actually becoming tougher. with timetable clashes, busy schedule, everyone is busy with their own world. Hence, there starts the 'Bo Jio' thing.

At first, a lot people just use it as a joke. Hey, Bo jio! and you would know that fellow, who totally does not intend to be jio-ed, is just being playful and teasing you. On the other hand, when it happens within the group, it means a different thing. it means blaming the person of lack of thoughts, for bo sim, for forgetting to include EVERYONE.

then, when the usage is mixed up, when people use it for just everything, Bo Jio just seems like another annoying word. lunch Bo jio. toilet Bo jio. buy books Bo jio. just when does the list ends @@ sometimes, the person whom the phrase ' bojio' is directed to, just gets tired of being blamed ALL the time. At that time, no one would care whether its teasing or real blaming. it has become overload. that person would just get very very annoyed, right?

is there really a NEED to jio for everything. sigh. why this habit le. just say that you want to join, it's simple enough. just say you are sad that we didn't ask u to the event ( if you are truly sad), simple enough too. since the trend of this 'Bo jio' started, only did this NEED for jio came about right? didn't we all do just fine before that.

since everyone has different definitions for ' Bo jio'. maybe just be aware how this two words would sound like to others. Often, the person who speaks the words does not realize the impact of it on others. it's a bit selfish. no? also, the 'receiver' could just ignore. but that just means the word has already became meaningless.

til then.

ciao~

new semester

hi all!! yes another semester has finally started. and yes, there's ends my 3-and-a-half months holidays. those who were jealous of my holidays can finally laugh at me now, my holidays are over, and here comes the twelve hellish week =/

anyways, no matter how sucky this semester would turn out, i would just bear in mind that its impossible for this semester to get any worse than the last one. ya, my last hellish-struggling-with-digitals-and-nader semester. These sem, i have THREE Chinese lecturers!! not that i'm racist or sth, the obvious difference compared to last semester is just hard to ignore. so ya, i'm happy with my lecturers this semester V^^ 

also, some how, maybe after going through such hellish semester last semester, this sem, i'm some what more prepared and not as panicky as before. or maybe its just that i've only gone through the first week? @@ hopefully the hopeful feeling won't just be an illusion but that i've really leveled up my tolerance skill.

besides studies, i'm having lots of extras. i'm giving more classes: seven-and-a-half-hours per week, its like having an extra subject on top of the four i'm having in uni. also, there's this ELP- Engineering Leadership Program thingy going on, if my application is successful, that is. and d2y has another couple of events going on, even though i declined the offer to head one of the projects, i've agreed to help out. PLUS i'm suppose to attend weekly mbs activities to support my friend.

gosh. still trying to fit EVERYTHING into my timetable. let's take a look at the math: 24 study hours in uni including lectures, lab work, and tutorials. 7& a half hour of teachings. from fatfish's analysis, i'm going to have WEEKLY lab work from all FOUR units. WEEKLY quizzes and MID-TERM test for THREE units. TWO units with lab tests. and one with mini project. all these require extra study hours and tedious preparations no doubt. what, u think its scary? try adding ELP and D2Y into the pile @@ 

if i would have any of the extra time left, it would be ALL for sleeping, and some for eating. gosh how to get a boyfriend like that? lol just kidding i' not desperate. anyways, it'll definitely eat up most of my social times. any gatherings?? put it after the end of june, people!!

til then.

ciao.

情人

哇，这可是我踏入二十一岁后的第一大考验，写情人节感想。都没有情人，哪来的感想？如果你有仔细读我的部落格，就知道我平日极少碰过这一题材。@@

二十一年来，我的爱情经验可说是零。这也不那么奇怪，认识我的人煞看我一下都知道我是单身女子。所以。。。这代表我哪里出了什么问题吗？不知道 。

来来，分析一下。自从中学以来，喜欢人，被喜欢，也是有过的。怎么就没一单成事？这么多年以后，我当然有自己仔细检讨检讨。首先，是我乖女的性格？不怕告诉你，我念中三时，还是深信被家里洗脑的那种概念----念书还是不要谈情说爱的好。成日捧着书过日子，与感情有关的事物，有多远离多远。中四以后，稍微明白拍拖不是全部不好，心窗就打开了那么一点点。好不容易才学会与男生沟通。就这样，什么时机都比别人慢了一拍。

然后呢？不说别人对我的感觉，我自己的，很多时候都没能很坚持下去。可能是没有真正进一步的了解别人，可能只是那份好感没那么强烈。少了积极，哪来的下一步进展。有时候想想是不是单身太自由太自在，根本没认真放心思去感受另一个人。或者纯粹是对的人始终没出现。又或者我的心从头到尾还是封闭的。

全部吧。我本来就不是一个普通的女生。近年来，那个他仍没出现，我用了这时间加于充实和补充自己。不知道二十一岁的我究竟进步或改变了多少。不知道我＂准备＂好了吗。只比以前自在了一些，继续相信，会来的，是我的，就会来。

相比我二位好友，我文笔没那么好，感想也没那么透测，但是，这也是我的肺腑之言。多亏有了他们，我今天才认真想想与分享我的这一段。

心，再多一点点，就好。

不一样的新年

首先，恭祝诸位读者蛇年行大运、身体安康、万事称心如意、有情人终成眷属、友人家人能够团聚，千里共婵娟。

不知道是不是因为终于成年了，今年，终于能够体会到一家人回家过年的可贵。看着满头白发的伯伯、阿姨，可以想像他们所经过的岁月沧桑；仔细听听他们的故事，仿佛见到他们当初像我们一样，为未来奋斗、向往、有梦想。才发现，那所谓的＂大人话＂， 我们已经会听了。

所谓的成家立业， 更是很奥妙的。这个人，因为这个家庭环境长大，性格才能适合那么的那个人。这个人，遇到了那个人，成了家，大家有缘才能做亲戚。看到了伯伯和堂哥姐们的相同之处，就好像我们三姐妹，谈吐举止，pattern也离不开爸爸的方式。可能也就是这种pattern，才让我们认识今天的周围朋友，成为建立我们的性格的基本。到头来，全部归属为一个字----缘。

今年的过年方式，有点不一样。一群老友在朋友家里过了一个晚上。没什么，就谈一些陈年往事，到凌晨五时！什么时候真的变成了老人家？这还不止，我还生平第一次还爬上了屋顶，与挚友们观看了星空。能与你一同爬屋顶的朋友，就是有那么的不一样。屋顶上，对着云朵许个愿，会不会特别灵？

不只是动物园的朋友们，还见见了华乐的同学们、小学旧同窗。以前不熟的，变得熟了一点点；以前很熟的，也更上一层楼！大家都变得了有点不一样，都是大人了。有些有了梦想，要追求事业上、学业上、心灵上的目标。更发现一个两个比以前很注意了健康。大家不再喝汽水、包装水，只喝白开水。点餐时多点了蔬菜。也多谈起了运动。这个改变，只能更证明我们都长大、懂得自惜自爱了。

缘啊缘，多么的奥妙，捉拿不住。什么时候能遇见有情人？呵呵。拭目以待吧 =p

TRIP.

FINALLY. after four years since graduation, we, the zoo, have our first ever trip with Crystal Song! HAHA! ya, indeed, she's the main character in this trip! =D
 
anyways, after this trip, or may I say, during the trip, I have quite a lot flash backs. took me all the back to form one, the first day of high school etc. and so it kinda awes me how very SAME everyone is. even after so many years. yes, there are a lot of changes and differences in almost everything since then. but, though how space and time changed us, the core in us did not at all change, right? this was verified during the trip. 果然, 本性难移。
 
how so? let's see: my dear crystal song is still so noisy and do not stop babbling about everything! and her fingers is still cold as ever. ah ning is still ah ning being fearless and quick witted and outspoken in everything. and even though we didn't talk to each other much for the past year, both of them still gets me so easily and quickly! i only need minimal explanation to get a message through. ahahaha I'm so happy when people understands my talking pattern. it's like they're accustomed to my way of speech and expression V^^
 
mr. yap jian shen is still acting so philosophical about everything! not to mention the habit of sleeping as the first thing he does whenever or wherever he settles down. and hock eu never changes and still acts like hock eu to the very last bit by introducing us the game of 24 and dixit. IQ games to train our brains to the maximum during the mid night, no less.
 
dear Yi Shiuan is so cordial!! offering us a stay and helping to research the places for yummy sate celup. ahahaha and we did have fun cleaning up the cicak-droppings in your dad/mum's house (I forgot) at aloh gajah, though most of us just help out by standing on chairs in order to get out of yi shiuan's and zan hong's way of doing the actual cleaning. and, the house is actually just the perfect place for pillow talks and lame games. the quiet area was also suited for crystal to act like emma watson in the perk's of a wallflower by climbing through the roof of zan hong's harrier while he's driving. zan hong was kind enough to drive a few more rounds around the housing area just so crystal can enjoy more star gazing through the roof. ahaha.
 
not to forget the drivers!! zan hong. nice knowing you! before this i just register you as a scout-frisbee-aussie-crystal's-friend-guy. now, a little more, i guess. haha. and cheng foong. nice meeting you! nice job trying to cover up the little dirt on the floor with your even more dirty foot. you did a GREAT job cleaning up the house. AHAHAHA.

and there's me. i wonder if i stayed the same too. no doubt i wasn't the exact same person i was years ago. i don't even exactly know how i've changed. but, any how, not too bad i guess. since i didn't end up in prison or drugs or something bad. lol. nothing major has changed, really.
 
if there was anything unfavorable throughout the trip, it would be the rain. it was raining non stop for most of the day in malacca. i noticed we were carrying umbrellas in most of the photos. on the day back, it rained too. also, there's my face. pimples and scars all over. sigh. also, the time spent together was still too little. nevertheless, we had LOADS of fun, and bonding, and relaxation, and just being grateful for each of the people to be at the trip. it's a blast. and I do look forward for more to come =D
 
by the way, it's malacca that we went. sorry for not mentioning. but It's quite obvious in the photos anyways. =p sorry for being not eager at all to post about the places or the foods. it's my third time going to malacca in less than a year after all @@ but, in short, here's the food list: RTcakebread-babanyonyalaksa-cendol-coffee-nadeje-chickenriceball-satecelup-wantanmee-panmee. not too much. hee.

quick peek?

should have brought dslr. enough said =/

til then.
 
ciao.