closure

hi guys. I'm here because I'm done with three papers!! not that I did great. seriously, too much last minute preparations for this semester. I won't be surprised if I lost all my HD's this semester. sigh. Maybe there's too much on my plate this semester, with teaching (4 classes), and distractions and all. my internals was much better, thanks to the seniors answers and duh thanks to pkp. lol, seriously I won't put so much effort into internals if its not because of him constantly pressuring us. lol. 

Anyways, time to clear my mind. there's so much going on in there. I realized something, I'm not a logical person at all. I'm not the so call bluish person I thought I am. People around me are much for logical and realistic and practical. while sometimes I find myself being stuck in my own dreamy-blurr-imaginative thinking.  

I've been researching on horoscopes lately. with google and of course consulting the pro-- my sis. I used to not believe in the 'crap', how could such complicated personalities of the humans be described based on some stars and birth dates? sounds ridiculous, no? But through some observations, i finally accepeted that some of the theories are actually true and applicable. See? how logical could I be to actually believe in horoscopes and to keep researching to search for answers? not so, huh. anyways, I learnt quite a lot. ahaha. to observe the personalities of others. lol. finally huh? used to spend too much time reflecting and being self-conscious to analyse the other people. finally, the fish is swimming out. 

do not simplify complicated things, do not complicate simple things. this is something I've read about somewhere. hmm, don't simplify complicated things huh, no wonder I always lost control in life. I'm managing things the wrong way and trying to fit things into places they're not meant to be. 

so, complicated things are just complicated huh? a lesson to teach us that there's no shortcut in life. the way has already been determined ages ago, whether you like it or not, and either you deal with it, or suck at it. so things that ain't in your field, are not your field. that's the truth.

anyways, there's nothing much to look forward to during the coming holidays. No trips, no anything. but sure, there's a couple friends coming back from overseas that I wish to spend time with, a few books I want to finish, and maybe some future plans which I need to sort out. Other than that, nothing major. oh well, save money for bigger trips in the future, I think. 

And going into Year 3 in less than two months time. oh my gosh. guess I really have to change/upgrade/evolve my study habit. else, I won't be able to cope!! like seriously. sigh. and other things as well, how much further can I push myself? hmm. hwaitinggg~ 

til then. 

ciao~

mad

gosh. seriously. recently things are not going the way I intended them to. really, I considered myself as a 随便 person, as I'm okay with a lot of things that some people will disagree with. but seriously? some people still have ways to drive me mad.

No mater how many things I'm okay with, there will still be things which I'm not. then, all of a sudden, I will be sick of being okay with the things I don't like, and i retort to give the people a piece of my mind by being mad. my students. my friends. my course mates. Which is not good at all. As anger just exchange for more anger. and there is no way you'll feel good for getting angry. you just can't be happy by being angry.

anyways, I'm regretting it. for getting mad. Yes, there are things that I don't like. and yes, I really want them to have a piece of my mind. But, being right is not that important. and being wrong is just seeing things at a different perspective. so, getting angry wont achieve anything and it certainly won't get you anywhere. except for increasing your blood pressure or pulse rate or killing your own cells.

gah. 做人还是心平气和的好。so, avoid getting mad as much as possible. its healthier for yourself and others as well. having self awareness is good enough. as long as I won't lost myself in madness and I could get out of the state of being angry.

let go of the grudge. it's much more simpler than staying angry, really.

I'm sorry that I was mad.

til then.

ciao~

to be better

Ya, should you read my blog, you would know that I'm an insecure person. I don't like the way I am. I always feel that I could do more, I could achieve more, I could be better than who I am currently.

But recently, that feeling is a little lesser than before. It's good news right? I should be congratulated v^^ . First of all, my EQ upgraded I think, I managed to not breakdown or to throw temper when something really got onto my nerves. I managed to stay calm and stick with the shits calmly. "don't let them affect me.", I constantly chant to myself.

Another thing is that, I'm not so shy anymore, even though I still feel antisocial sometimes. But, I guessed it has at least improved a little. I would be friendlier in future, hmm. I guess the only way out is to practice, to converse more with random people. It would be awkward at first, but if I continue to work on it, I would get it some day. Also, my English must be improved. gawd, I don't want to turn into a so call lala mui.

It is because that the holidays are drawing near? or it is because I've faced too much shits in uni, I miss all my old friends all of a sudden. The seniors, the pmo's, the zoo, the oldest pals. I know all of them are working hard as well on different sides of the surface of the earth. hmm, maybe I should just make each of them a post card or sth. I'm missing arts already.

The main reason that I got through all the shits and still stay stronger, is that there is a person constantly at the back of my mind. mm hmm, some one special, my guardian angel. I'm truly blessed.

okay. here's a to go list:

1. candylicious

2. the art material shop in the gardens/ one u.

3. umaya? the big bad wolf and 3 lil pigs?? dabinlo? ahaha. or any other fancy food restaurant. I want FOOD.

4. shopping malls. i need to do shoppinggggg

5. park. broga hill. the frim. I need trees and greeneries. picnic, anyone??

6. yumcha. YUMCHA PEOPLE. I MISS YA.

7. trip. hee I have one or two of them already, so I'm happy.

okay. now I'm motivated to prepare for the finals. see you guys after June!!

til then.

ciao