突如其来的两个礼拜，让我措手不及。我只能愣愣地被你们影响着，一个不小心，受伤了。泡沫也破掉了，不见了。
至少，我问心无愧。我拥有许多真心担心我，又费心费神关心我的朋友。我还有我热爱做的事。我有可以期待的明天。我，可以满足了。
可是，夜静人深，我的心，好像穿洞了。我要忙了。我会忙得不得了。别怪我只能用麻痹自己来暂时过日子。
Friday, April 26, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
Learning
Recently, I've seen and heard a lot of things. 21, don't really know what kick-started it, but I sorta feel like I'm growing up faster than ever. some how, I've managed to open new doors to new possibilities. and that, threw me into a whole new world. ya, I'm the late comer, but from now onwards I will have more point of views, I think?
also, I need to be more cautious with my speech. there are times where I have to hold my tongue, to not let slip something, to not accidentally burn a bridge. keep my mouth shut a little longer. think before I speak. choose the words I speak. patience, tolerance, and be cautious.
Realization and appreciation. I have a number of friends who put their whole heart and soul into the moments spent together. I can feel the warmth in my heart, touched, just by their very presence. they are my teachers of life who taught me things which i can't learn from home or alone. precious, isn't it? I just hope that, maybe I would, too be someone like that? I know I drift away sometimes @@
anyways, I learnt quite a lot I guess. maybe nothing seemed to have changed, but a change of heart is certain. A change in perspective, a little more hope, and the courage to love.
til then.
ciao~
also, I need to be more cautious with my speech. there are times where I have to hold my tongue, to not let slip something, to not accidentally burn a bridge. keep my mouth shut a little longer. think before I speak. choose the words I speak. patience, tolerance, and be cautious.
Realization and appreciation. I have a number of friends who put their whole heart and soul into the moments spent together. I can feel the warmth in my heart, touched, just by their very presence. they are my teachers of life who taught me things which i can't learn from home or alone. precious, isn't it? I just hope that, maybe I would, too be someone like that? I know I drift away sometimes @@
anyways, I learnt quite a lot I guess. maybe nothing seemed to have changed, but a change of heart is certain. A change in perspective, a little more hope, and the courage to love.
til then.
ciao~
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
self awareness
Today, we have a long stretch of ELP workshops relating to self awareness. from 9am to 6 pm. and god knows how my mind loveee to react to self reflection. spent a whole day thinking what am I to be, what am I not to be etc. you could say its a bit of overdose.
anyways, we have this self portrait activity, where we could share a bit of ourselves. and the criteria that relate to me most is "my life defining moments". ya, this, I said to myself, is basically what made up who I am today. I have a story to share, at the tip of my tongue, yet, I couldn't bring myself to share it. I was pretty much sure that I would break into tears if I were to share it this morning.
ya. so this is what I'm unhappy about myself: me being unable to overcome my past. some of u all might have heard it before, some of u have not. so here's the story. when i was a kid, i was loved, pampered, taught and brought up much by my mother. thanks to my mum's harsh training, i was active in a lot of things. speech, story telling, acting, singing, basically I could do all of those stuff almost effortlessly. i was carefree and fearless.
then, 7 years ago, my mother died of cancer. and that, basically changed my whole character. I became depressed and quiet. I quit trying out all the stuff that I used to. most of the time I spent time daydreaming and telling myself I didn't have to mourn. I didn't want to be looked as the weak, pathetic, motherless child. and after that, I became an introvert, a anti-social, and had cut myself off from the outside world for a while.
form 2 is the worst time that one can lose a parent. I was a young teen, and it was the age and crucial time where one finds out and discover themselves. under all the peer pressure and self wallowing, I sorta crushed. and ever since then, I've considered myself downgraded from who I once were, being unable to do the things I used to do effortlessly.
ever since that, I've joined lots and lots of activities, trying and striving hard to build my character. is it all half-hearted? is it that i've really gone all weird. I've grown, and changed. but into a different person of who I am before.
until this very day, I am never proud of who I have become. and this. is the reason why I did not share my story today. after these seven long years, I haven't manage to overcome the past that have changed me. I still have a missing piece in my heart. I still couldn't see that, the death of my mum, is fated to shape me the way I am to be. maybe its because I'm not there yet. I'm just still dissatisfied.
I'm not giving up. Still striving, even though it may not be effortless any more. I believe that, one day, the missing piece will finally be filled. and at that time, I will be able to look back at my broken past, at a state of peace of mind, feeling complete and no longer affected by the loss. And then, I would be able to retell my story, feeling proud, and thankful for the lessons and with no more regrets.
终有一天，一定会释怀的。
til then.
ciao~
anyways, we have this self portrait activity, where we could share a bit of ourselves. and the criteria that relate to me most is "my life defining moments". ya, this, I said to myself, is basically what made up who I am today. I have a story to share, at the tip of my tongue, yet, I couldn't bring myself to share it. I was pretty much sure that I would break into tears if I were to share it this morning.
ya. so this is what I'm unhappy about myself: me being unable to overcome my past. some of u all might have heard it before, some of u have not. so here's the story. when i was a kid, i was loved, pampered, taught and brought up much by my mother. thanks to my mum's harsh training, i was active in a lot of things. speech, story telling, acting, singing, basically I could do all of those stuff almost effortlessly. i was carefree and fearless.
then, 7 years ago, my mother died of cancer. and that, basically changed my whole character. I became depressed and quiet. I quit trying out all the stuff that I used to. most of the time I spent time daydreaming and telling myself I didn't have to mourn. I didn't want to be looked as the weak, pathetic, motherless child. and after that, I became an introvert, a anti-social, and had cut myself off from the outside world for a while.
form 2 is the worst time that one can lose a parent. I was a young teen, and it was the age and crucial time where one finds out and discover themselves. under all the peer pressure and self wallowing, I sorta crushed. and ever since then, I've considered myself downgraded from who I once were, being unable to do the things I used to do effortlessly.
ever since that, I've joined lots and lots of activities, trying and striving hard to build my character. is it all half-hearted? is it that i've really gone all weird. I've grown, and changed. but into a different person of who I am before.
until this very day, I am never proud of who I have become. and this. is the reason why I did not share my story today. after these seven long years, I haven't manage to overcome the past that have changed me. I still have a missing piece in my heart. I still couldn't see that, the death of my mum, is fated to shape me the way I am to be. maybe its because I'm not there yet. I'm just still dissatisfied.
I'm not giving up. Still striving, even though it may not be effortless any more. I believe that, one day, the missing piece will finally be filled. and at that time, I will be able to look back at my broken past, at a state of peace of mind, feeling complete and no longer affected by the loss. And then, I would be able to retell my story, feeling proud, and thankful for the lessons and with no more regrets.
终有一天，一定会释怀的。
til then.
ciao~
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