Quarter Life Crisis

Is it over dramatic to call this a quarter life crisis? I think not. I am at the point of life where everything turns, or rather changes. Turning point. Point of no return (is it?). 

At this point, I don't know what to choose. That's the flaw of the education system. You rush and rush your education until when you've finally come to the end of it, you don't now what's next.

My strategy? Try and see. seriously, I don't know anyway better.

And the problem? I'm worry sick. which is not helping. And therefor here I am to remind myself to be at the present. And tell my self, this. is. it.

This is it. The now. the moment. I cannot worry about the million things that could go wrong in the future. I cannot keep looking back asking questions why I am here. All I have is now. My time, my knowledge, my people. This is what I have, right here, right now. This is it. No more, no less. Stop looking else where. Be in the now.

I have to focus on that. Coz I see myself worrying all the time, even though I have yet to submit any applications. I'm already worrying about where, what, and how I'm gonna work, when I'm not even there yet. What I need to do is to evaluate all the options that I have now. Prepare and approach all the options, as readily as I can. And enjoy the free time I have. 

I'm so blessed to have so much free time to do anything I want (no budget though), and I should focus on this rather than being worry.

the future is bright, not dark. Stop assuming the worst. Start here, start now. I am where I am and I am who I am. Crisis or not, I'll get through it just like everything else.

Dig Deep

A month has past. Since I've completed my degree. While its so fun and addictive to lay around watching Grey's Anatomy, the voice in my head starts growing stronger and louder, asking me to get my ass off the couch, and apply for a job already.

While getting a good job is very desirable, I'm too lazy to start preparing resumes and start attending interviews. Which, I'll have to do one way or another eventually. Most likely, September will be the month I start working. So there's exactly one month duration for me to get a job and hop on the train to my next stage of life.

Everyone in my home is also soon going on with their respective stages of life this coming September. Big sis has gotten a scholarship and is going to UK to pursue a MBA master degree. Little sis would be starting uni at Nottingham in Semenyih in a engineering course. So that means very soon, I'll be the only one left in my room. At least for a year.

Change is necessary. Change is good. Knowing that I would be alone soon, means that I have to get back out there soon. Hanging around at home won't do any good, especially knowing that the two sisters are out there learning and growing. I have to get out and learn about life too.

To do that, I have to dig deep. I've been feeling anti social and too much of an introvert lately. I have to remind myself to snap out of it and remind myself that that is not true. I have my social life all the while. Yes, even in Monash, until Year 2 anyways. It is Year 3 onwards that the workload got so heavy that I got out of all social activities. I was very active in high school. I was a prefect, joined the choir and the chinese orchestra group, participated in countless concerts and camps and events. And then I was involved in the 7-day community service and organize several events during my A levels, while working part time in TTC, while self studying and acing Further Maths. How cool is that?In Monash, I was selected to participate in the Engineering Leadership Program, a mentor-mentee program, and help started up the IEM student chapter. And there was one year where I was active in the D2Y buddhist youth club. Pretty active all the while until some things start to fall apart and I was stuck with a miserable all-study life.

So yea. I was active. And I have to get back to that. Being active. And being open to opportunities and greatness. I must dig out all my social personalities,  and believe that I am better than my all-study-no-life self. That was temporary even though necessary. For the thesis and assignments and projects. But, no more. Now I'm free to choose again. Yes, disasters happen all the time, even during the long list of awesome activities I've been involved in. I've broken down a significant number of times, I've lost contact and maybe even burn bridges with way too many friends, and I have failed in so many things. Yet experiences are experiences nevertheless. They made up the pages of the stories of my past. Beautiful and invaluable experiences with bittersweet memories.

So its time, to write a new page. To start afresh. To choose a new life. And that can only be done if I put in everything I have into the application of my first job. Choose wisely, carefully, open-minded-ly. With some luck, I just might be off to some great start.