peace of mind

Recently, just living in a peace of mind, walking in my own pace, doing what I can, what i want. After one year of A levels life, there's no ties with anywhere, no some sort of special bonds whatsoever. One year is not a very long time, and Inti is not like the ideal place i would meet some one special, its not like i'm very close with my a levels friends. so yea, tomorrow is last day of college, no hard feelings, at all. haha. And alright, i'll give Inti some credit, it does not suck like hell la. Since the change of lecturer in chemistry, Inti lecturers actually seem very kind and nice and helpful people, i respect them. haha. And the times there are not that bad as well. The people are not half bad, and i really did grow and learn a lot there, met quite few decent people.

But still. glad its coming to an end. A levels sucks. not inti. 'Takeaway' rocks!!! haha..hrm. is it just a levels, or its part of the life after leaving high school? all friends seem further and further away. there's no guarantee that you would meet them everyday for a few guaranteed years. in which you would have all the time of your life to break the ice, talk, make friends, fight, make it up after that and just hang around. instead you would have to adapt quickly, make friends quickly, before you part and may not spend time with each other as much as you like or even see each other anymore. so the bonds are no longer as strong, you couldn't really get to know some one as fully, and one moment you take your eyes off them and focus on other things on a while, and when you're back, the little time you had with them has already pass, and there you go, the chance to get to know them better, G-O-N-E. I'm not actually a fast person, in terms of adapting or break open to somebody, so i can as well say i did a bad job in social this year. ya, many new friends i had, but most probably they'll just be some hi, bye friends in future??

haih. what to do. when you're stuck in an environment where so little people actually cares for their grades, the nerd stands alone. haha. if she want to spend every waking moment to self study in further maths, that is. and no matter how many years i've spend my time with playful, fun, caring, outgoing friends, here i am, a nerd, still. lol. yep. its not only this year, so its not like people say, 'mian learn bad d' , in fact, i've mingle with fun people since like, form 2, i think?? 'trying' to learn 'bad' . 'bad prefect' 'bad student' image..you know, those minor minor stuff like ponteng, having fashion hairstyle, skip duty, ditch class, hang out...and still remains as a nerd. haha..so how good/pathetic is that??lol. you have no idea. you really have none. haha.

anyway, as soon as A levels is over, i'm going to have a whole new perspective of my direction in life again. i have to change this 'nerd only' status. and try to, erm, bond to people??haih. coz i'm really lousy at this. i rather blog than go facebook. argh.

another random thought. i so appreciate yoga these days. its so calming and peace-minding....it makes me feel i can die. haha. sorry for the words to come out that way. but that is what i actually felt. haha..living in the world of chaos, be it the crumbling physical world due to earth quakes in japan, or my mental state which never ever shut ups, yoga is the only time i get to let it all go, and reach a blank state of mind, like that 'muzou' thingy in kekkaishi. its so peceful, so quiet and so relaxing. it makes me feel like if i just die right here right then, everything would be fine, as there's zero concerns in my mind, so comfortable. haha. so i won't mind dying. okay, before i freak you guys out, i'm not suicidal or anything. just that state of mind in yoga is what i rather want, when i finally die, hopefully after many eventful years, in my 70s or 80s, in a healthy state. haha. living in today's world is no joke. i have to meditate every once in a while to remain the sanity of my mind. really.

Yoga practicing is like the substitution of my choir days..yes, people. singing in a choir is the happiest and calmest moments in my life. the harmony, the feeling of being one, the melody, the combination of each souls, you won't believe it. its simply AMAZING. ditto to pmo and band practising. but choir singing is better.hee. ahhh..those days. wonderful, wonderful, beautiful memories... actually, singing in a choir is BETTER than yoga. seriously.

oh, and reading too. it has the same effect on me to calm my mind. my mind NEEDS a lot calming, its so restless in there. u cannot simply imagine. so basically in this 2 weeks, while i'm swallowing books like hell, i've reswallowed the whole 'Princess Diaries' series of 10 as well. Its no joke, to have so much to study. i need an equal amount of calming reading, to keep myself sane. so there i go. 10 books. like 1 for each day. so i apologize if this post is written like princess mia's writing style. haha. 10 whole meg cabot novels. so some of it should rub off in my writing as well.

so you see, based on this blog post, you can pick up hints that i'm currently outta my mind these days. argh. grr. bleh. hope my sanity would come back to me asap. til then.

cheers to sanity.

chaoz~

finishing line..

hrm. so long din update. SUPPOSE to be in study mode. however, losed the motivation these days..

a levels. from may 11th til june 2nd. simple mathematics show us its in a mere 2 months time. FREAKING OUT. yet, i see myself still slacking here and there. argh. how can this happen??further maths. can i really make it on time??shit. the thought of it make me so stressed out. yet, here i am. reading manga. beside a stack of books yet to touch. lol.

a levels. worst course ever. so lifeless so pointless. taht's why i'm starting uni as soon as i finish the course, in july. overseas?not much thought of it. maybe just try out NTU. since the pay in singapore is so good. and of course, near home. haha..

a levels. hate it hate it every single day..haih..

til then. bye~~