Remember that low point? Where I thought there’s just nothing more to lose, and I wanted to turn all the rage and sorrow into energy to build something. To have my sweet ‘revenge’ by being able to get back up, strive even higher, become even better, achieve even more. Starting over felt like a beacon of hope, endless new possibilities, and renewed motivation.
Fast forward one year. That feeling is long over. And starting over just felt like a hell lot of work, with lots of disadvantages, and an endless path of obstacles, filled with lots of frustrations and disappointments.
Also, starting over feels like i’m all alone and all of these are just too much to be dealt with alone. Starting over feels like I’m already so far behind everybody who has already began or who has done it. It could be lonely sometimes. Especially when you know that sometimes you need to detach yourself from the world to get some stuff worked out.
When starting over loses its initial phase of magical feelings, reality unfolds and reveals its true nature. There’s actually tonnes of messy, dirty, back-breaking ground work to be done. There’ll be sweat, tears, streams of swear words. There’ll be boredom, envy, disappointment, doubts, and times where even things that I thought I love will lose its meaning. This is not over exaggerating. This is reality. The mind will dwell. The body tires. The mind will wonder about the path not taken. Sometimes it is like one step forward and two steps back. And things just take time to change. It is the necessary suffer and pain in order to accomplish something big.
BUT, eventually, there will be one real WIN. one big WIN. maybe more than one. But there WILL be a time where I can breathe freely again. This, there is no doubt. This, I am not uncertain. Because, despite all, I have faith in myself and in my choice.
So, keep calm, and carry on, do what you already are doing. Just carry on.
