Writing

I’m not a good writer, but I’m in love with writing. Writing is my outlet to connect with myself, to clarify, at a 3rd person’s point of view. And writing brings so much joy and pride to myself. It’s black and white proof, that I’m still sane, I’m still in control, and I’m still free, to express, to imagine and to live.

“Don’t forget that once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, we regard ourselves as a friend.” - Eat Pray Love. I really love this sentence, and I especially find truth in this in writing. Also one of the reasons why I’m still active in twitter. I need this outlet.

But just as I’m managing my mind, I’m now managing my words. The stories I tell myself, the words I used to define my life. Powerful, calming, free words that bring about the true thoughts of my mind. I just love the feeling that I can understand myself and write things out into a clear picture.

I really did consider making this writing thing more serious. Like writing topics that really interest me, instead of just mindless rantings. Purposeful words. Intriguing topics. It’ll be a great project, right?

While my career is all logical and analytical, I want to keep my artistic side alive through writing, and also through art craft making and home design projects. 

I am such a person who finds joy in little specific things. =)

The Mind Game

The first quarter of year 2017 has been a hectic one, in my head. As some of you might have heard, I was looking for a change in my career. A desperate change. And if you know me, well, I was not the most equipped person to deal with change.

I should have calmed down. But, I couldn't, at first. I was dealing with the frustration at work, the frustration at job hunting, the frustration of not knowing what to choose, and the frustration at trying to study and learn everything at once. And what happened after all these frustrations?? I failed the interview for my supposingly dream job. I was too worked up, too stressed up, too obssessed about a job that I thought as my only way out, that I just screwed up the interview. And fall sick. Low blood pressure, fever, cough, flu for about a month.

Lesson learnt? Yea. Nothing was achieved. And of course I wasn't able to 'enjoy' the journey of chasing my dream when I was so caught up in my worries and brooding and fears. And so, to recover, I calmed down. This turned into a mind game. Its no longer the how-can-I-become-a-data-scientist-as-fast-as-possible game. It became the mind game. The game of how to train my mind to cope with the change, gradually, persistently, and happily.

And, it is not easy. My mind was very loud and chaotic. Was. I have successfully managed to stand guard at the gateway my mind, managing my thoughts. Again, not easy, not 100% full proof managed. But definitely significant improvement that I am able to calm down and enjoy my day-to-day activities, and let time bring out the change I want gradually.

And now, you can congratulate me. I have found a new job =) Not the job which I had in mind when I started out job hunting, but I believe it will be a very good job nonetheless. I'm at a happy place, I'm studying diligently, and I'm enjoying the process, very much.

Managing the mind is a daily practice. I have to love myself more in the process, forgive myself for the mistakes I made, and think of more good thoughts. I'm finally feeling like myself again, calmed, and able to give out more positive aura. Sorry neighbours who had to deal with my grumpiness during that period of time. And I thank the authors of Eat Pray Love, and The Monk who Sold His Ferrarri, which have taught me and reminded me about mind managing. And also a big thank you to the Ancient Indian Monks who invented Yoga. Great great activity to calm the mind and rejuvenate the soul.

Defining Year

I have high hopes for year 2017. This year is very much my defining year. This year is the year where I have nothing more to lose, but everything to gain. This is the year where I can decide my destiny. Some points in life bring clarity into your life, and you are left with nothing but the desire to move forward.

Things can only get better from now on. I trust that now I finally have the right attitude towards life. I'm finally embracing adulthood I guess. One thing Dubai has taught me is that life can be so happy and beautiful by just bringing in the right attitude to life every single day. Simple as that. Attitude. And the people here in Dubai makes this so easy. Multicultural environment is so fun and challenging in the sense that, everyday you are asking yourself to understand, accept and respect people who are so different from one another. Good vibe and energy in the office is really infectious, and it does wonders to people. People commit willingly, responsibly, and they put their best foot forward at work every single day. Hats off to the leadership of this office, for making this possible and happy for everyone.

I'm now practicing mindfulness everyday. It is still SO HARD to discipline my mind. But at least I'm always consciously trying to be aware of my thoughts everyday. I'm also thankful for this three months of self explore. I've learnt to be happy while being completely alone and I could learn listen to myself so much better while being away from my chaotic homeland for awhile. And also I think I could finally be at peace with who I am and forgive myself with my flaws. This is really good progress for me.

Malaysians, let's be less judgemental, less crude, and be kinder towards others okay? It will bring about change not only towards others, but more so towards yourself.