holidays. you think that I would be more likelier to have a peace of mind finally, right? NOT! so many thoughts have come across my mind the second the holidays have started. of both positive and negative. of both disturbing and mind-soothing. and of both constructive and the-plain-useless-ones. I have a dozen of them but they are so messed up I don't even know how to write about them.
I have all the free time in the world. for this week, at least. where I just chill at home and follow the never ending anime and manga and drama series =p here and then, I'll feel so guilty just being a potato couch and have started thinking about random ideas of what to do instead. I've been switching ideas from making udon mee, to baking chicken pies and egg tarts, to sewing dolls, to learning guitar, to reading some very inspirational books, to making a scrapbook, to writing articles, to researching, to exploring new roads, to... I've seriously lost track. and DUH none of which I've really started to work with, because of the fact that being a potato couch for a few days straight is seriously just pure awesome. OOPS?
and of course eventually even that awesomeness has started to be boring and so I THINK it's finally time to get started with something. hee. ya, I got an idea again. let's see how it goes first. too early to report anything. =p
anyway. there's just this manga so worth reading that I have completed recently. BAKUMAN. meaning 'manga gambling'. from wikipedia: 'its written by written by Tsugumi Ohba and illustrated by Takeshi Obata, the same creative team responsible for Death Note.' NO WONDER ITS SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!! I've forgotten who recommended it to me? hock eu? anyways, its a story of dream chasers, 食梦者. instead of the main stream kinda battle manga, it's more of a psychological, real-life related and erm, motivational manga? in the story, it's about mangakas striving for what they love. the plot of the story goes is also quite realistic, a life story stretching over a 10 year time span, where in the end, all the characters have grown and made their dreams come true. i think the manga really have it thought through for each action and consequence the characters made. very complete. and nice graphic =D 食梦者。 有得就有失。相反的，失的越多，可能得的也越多。life has its ups and downs. the more you bet on it, the more extreme the two ends would be. and that would define how interesting your life would be? this manga has definitely got me thinking.
the other one I've completed in on call 36小时。that, reminds of life and death. death, especially. how little control we will always have. and the fact that we will never know how much time we have left. how much time left we have with our beloved ones. we are far too young, so naturally these thoughts always always escape us when we make our daily decisions. and then also, the guilt when i start to think: what the hell am i still doing with my life as a potato couch despite knowing ALL the above? OOPS. and same as each viewer, I think everybody would have the same line of thought at one point of this drama: what would it be like if I've studied medicine instead? haha. 做医生一点都不简单。I truly salute each and every of my friends who are currently doing medicine. 辛苦了！
the other thing I did is looking through old photos. and saving them from the facebook. a glimpse of them made it seemed like my life is damn happening indeed? and it made me realized how much of it which i've forgotten even though its only one year since then. a thousand over photos. most of them were from a levels since I've only created an account after form 5. there's camps, and visits of foster family, and 21st community service, and photos of TTC where i worked, and the-exotic-trip-to-redang, and countless outings and gatherings.
BUT, I remembered what I felt back then, wasn't as awesome as it seemed from the pictures. SOME of them, anyway. there were times where I don't LIKE being happening. or i just don't like it when happening were being defined by just outings. or fake smiles where I was just trying to make a good photo instead of truly enjoying the moments of the happenings. why so, I wonder? i guess my expectations of happenings was high and anything less than those of chs made me feel not enough? I was indeed weird then, right?
this is what i think of as the few real happenings of that time instead: ttc interview (epic fail). the first lesson i taught at ttc(forever so satisfying). 21st cs (every second of it, feels awesome to be isolated from the real world for a whole week if you know what i mean). the redang trip (simply pleasant and refreshing). further maths (kinda a self achievement). a particular friend gathering where i cried( if anyone even knew =p). and of course there's more. even if its some short moments during an ordinary day. any how, its still way too minority of the total numbers of days which had passed. funny how the anime and drama make me want to count my days considered as interesting. lol. guess it isn't too late to truly enjoy the moments as much as possible starting from now. at least, uni life isn't bad at all =p
i know how i always said i hated my a levels life. but now i think its time for me to feel thankful for it. even if it sucks then. after all, its how you take the day as good or bad based on your feelings. and feelings can be tempered with. not that we should edit our feelings, but we could make it as positive as it could be.
trying to summon all the positive thoughts as much as possible. and learning to filter unnecessary words as much as possible.
gambateh kudasai.
til then.
chaoz~
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
and we just go on
finals OVER!! and that officially marks the end of my first year at uni =D okay, maybe its not official. its until i get all my credit points that its official, u see. but then, its just two weeks time before i officially get them so. haha. ya imma going to my second year in university =D
anyway, i'm liking myself being a july intake uni student. what's the difference, you ask? erm. coz i start in july ma. so basically, each of my year is split into two years, with a loooong summer break between the semesters. some how, this makes one year feels more like two years. as in, i'm already getting all the graduation/holidays/very-long-time-has-passed feeling like its one whole year already but actually only six months have passed.
the thing is, i was feeling so comfortable with my university study lifestyle. the engineering circle of friends. our-forever-nerdy-discussions. and some how i even got used to be hanging around guy dominant gangs ALL the time. and when i start to attend high school gatherings again. i feel..quite..distant. just a little. maybe its because we haven't updated each other for so long. sometimes i just really don't know how to feel comfortable. how much past do you keep in the now? how much presence do you put in your present? and also, maybe i haven't been hanging around with so many girly girl friend groups for far too long. but i was never good with girl groups anyway. switch mode, you'd say? that's just my worst talent. aiks.
yet again. i'm sure i'll pick up the pace with my old friends again after another couple of gatherings. it is just the beginning of the gathering/trip/outing season. sometimes, i just feel that i've totally forgotten about my old self. pure bad memory, really. how was i then back in high school? how did i talk/act then? was i close/not close to you? same goes to my primary school self. just curious.
and. imma one big gonna-be-fat lazy pig-like sheep =.= i was so eager to do all the AWESOME/ MEANINGFUL/ HEALTHY/ CREATIVE/ NEW stuff right after exam. and on the very first day, i woke up about 10 and spammed seven episode of on call 36小时 straight. pure lazy bum. but on my defence, it a really good drama =D
ya so. its mid year. and i'm feeling whole new and fresh again =D just like a restart button. i'm going to my second year in university already. can't help feeling even more pro-adult-uni-student-like. lol. aaaand, hooray to finally meeting old friends!! hooray to not having to put off events with 'next time ba' and 'exam larh' again and again. hooray to finally getting to hear stories of my beloved ones =D aaaand, even though costy, hooray too all the money spending trips and outings we are gonna have. simply because they will all worth every single penny =p
more to my restart button. aware that everything will be,in fact, quite new again next semester? as our gang will be split into all sort of branches and we won't get to hang out together as much. excited. also wondering what sort of people i'll meet from the one-sem-ahead-of-us seniors. ahahaha. and my year two ECSE subjects. next semester i'm having digital, circuits control, advanced maths, and electromagnetism. sounds, extremely... alien and tough? words from my peers are not so encouraging either==
july sounds like a busy one. i'll have fun =D
having lotsss of writing inspiration lately. i'll sort it out soon and post another one.
til then.
chaoz~
anyway, i'm liking myself being a july intake uni student. what's the difference, you ask? erm. coz i start in july ma. so basically, each of my year is split into two years, with a loooong summer break between the semesters. some how, this makes one year feels more like two years. as in, i'm already getting all the graduation/holidays/very-long-time-has-passed feeling like its one whole year already but actually only six months have passed.
the thing is, i was feeling so comfortable with my university study lifestyle. the engineering circle of friends. our-forever-nerdy-discussions. and some how i even got used to be hanging around guy dominant gangs ALL the time. and when i start to attend high school gatherings again. i feel..quite..distant. just a little. maybe its because we haven't updated each other for so long. sometimes i just really don't know how to feel comfortable. how much past do you keep in the now? how much presence do you put in your present? and also, maybe i haven't been hanging around with so many girly girl friend groups for far too long. but i was never good with girl groups anyway. switch mode, you'd say? that's just my worst talent. aiks.
yet again. i'm sure i'll pick up the pace with my old friends again after another couple of gatherings. it is just the beginning of the gathering/trip/outing season. sometimes, i just feel that i've totally forgotten about my old self. pure bad memory, really. how was i then back in high school? how did i talk/act then? was i close/not close to you? same goes to my primary school self. just curious.
and. imma one big gonna-be-fat lazy pig-like sheep =.= i was so eager to do all the AWESOME/ MEANINGFUL/ HEALTHY/ CREATIVE/ NEW stuff right after exam. and on the very first day, i woke up about 10 and spammed seven episode of on call 36小时 straight. pure lazy bum. but on my defence, it a really good drama =D
ya so. its mid year. and i'm feeling whole new and fresh again =D just like a restart button. i'm going to my second year in university already. can't help feeling even more pro-adult-uni-student-like. lol. aaaand, hooray to finally meeting old friends!! hooray to not having to put off events with 'next time ba' and 'exam larh' again and again. hooray to finally getting to hear stories of my beloved ones =D aaaand, even though costy, hooray too all the money spending trips and outings we are gonna have. simply because they will all worth every single penny =p
more to my restart button. aware that everything will be,in fact, quite new again next semester? as our gang will be split into all sort of branches and we won't get to hang out together as much. excited. also wondering what sort of people i'll meet from the one-sem-ahead-of-us seniors. ahahaha. and my year two ECSE subjects. next semester i'm having digital, circuits control, advanced maths, and electromagnetism. sounds, extremely... alien and tough? words from my peers are not so encouraging either==
july sounds like a busy one. i'll have fun =D
having lotsss of writing inspiration lately. i'll sort it out soon and post another one.
til then.
chaoz~
Thursday, June 14, 2012
a tale to tell
okay. I know, it's exam period, I shouldn't be thinking about my so-call-philosophical stuff, but. what's in my mind have to be thrown out, so here I am again =D
so, we're twenty, and a half, already. we have lived for two decades, and have more or less moldered our personalities into more recognizable shapes. not really as lost and in an unfixed form as before. at the age of twenty, all of us have a respectably-sort-of-long history already. and each of us have a tale to tell.
each and everyone of us. has a story. already. and, truly speaking, none of them are dull. there's no such thing as a dull life story. come on, its twenty years. something bound to happen already. and something that, indeed, intended or not, has changed your life. or determined where and who you are today.
stories should be appreciated. and that includes your own. in fact, its especially your own. it is history, and the markings of your very existence. yes, the past is gone. but stories can be told and retold. and that is a very beautiful thing. simply because it shows who you are. things DO happen for a reason. and there's where all the stories come from.
and it's up to us, and also fate, to find out others' stories. not those on daily workings, scandals, pleasantries, jokes and such. but STORIES, of the past. 故事。故时候发生的事。and stories as in stories in the plural form. many many little stories. all the details and bits of here and there. all of them combined and tadahhhh you can see the timeline of a person =D
and it is when you know the stories of a person, that you really start to know someone. because, you can then see the logic and reason of the becoming of the someone, hence, understand the doings and character of the someone. 理解了才能接受，接下来就能真正认识了。
I'm not a good listener. nor a good story teller. but, from now on, I'll like to hear all the stories I can get hold of. =p
who is interested of my story eh? =p
时间一旦长了，再平凡的过去，也是很美的故事。
and the best thing is, we are young. and we have grown. from now on, we're the makers of our future stories. and we write them however we want them. =D
自己的生活自己负责。不要写自己会后悔的故事。能够做自己喜欢的事，就是一个很美的故事。
周围的人，已不是一起长大的同窗。所以认识后又多一番感触吧。 =p
til then.
chaoz~
so, we're twenty, and a half, already. we have lived for two decades, and have more or less moldered our personalities into more recognizable shapes. not really as lost and in an unfixed form as before. at the age of twenty, all of us have a respectably-sort-of-long history already. and each of us have a tale to tell.
each and everyone of us. has a story. already. and, truly speaking, none of them are dull. there's no such thing as a dull life story. come on, its twenty years. something bound to happen already. and something that, indeed, intended or not, has changed your life. or determined where and who you are today.
stories should be appreciated. and that includes your own. in fact, its especially your own. it is history, and the markings of your very existence. yes, the past is gone. but stories can be told and retold. and that is a very beautiful thing. simply because it shows who you are. things DO happen for a reason. and there's where all the stories come from.
and it's up to us, and also fate, to find out others' stories. not those on daily workings, scandals, pleasantries, jokes and such. but STORIES, of the past. 故事。故时候发生的事。and stories as in stories in the plural form. many many little stories. all the details and bits of here and there. all of them combined and tadahhhh you can see the timeline of a person =D
and it is when you know the stories of a person, that you really start to know someone. because, you can then see the logic and reason of the becoming of the someone, hence, understand the doings and character of the someone. 理解了才能接受，接下来就能真正认识了。
I'm not a good listener. nor a good story teller. but, from now on, I'll like to hear all the stories I can get hold of. =p
who is interested of my story eh? =p
时间一旦长了，再平凡的过去，也是很美的故事。
and the best thing is, we are young. and we have grown. from now on, we're the makers of our future stories. and we write them however we want them. =D
自己的生活自己负责。不要写自己会后悔的故事。能够做自己喜欢的事，就是一个很美的故事。
周围的人，已不是一起长大的同窗。所以认识后又多一番感触吧。 =p
til then.
chaoz~
Thursday, June 7, 2012
20, and a half
half of the year has passed. so many things to remind me of this. there's mid-year sales, mid year trips =D , there's my own finals for this semester, there's friends coming back from uk for summer break, and more friends planning to go overseas in the next half year.
the end of half a year actually feels much like the end of a whole year, just maybe, its half of everything? lol. half of the year we have worked our asses off our work, be it studying or working. now it is indeed the time for a half-long break.
so, this coming break. i have PLANS!! ngehehehe! damn happening right? i know =p so first of all, i'm going to Penang with If I Die Young Taiping =D. ironic i know, we should be going to taiping instead right? lol. and then, i have this 2 day one night trip to water sports village at puchong, with PMO friends. i have never been to trips with them any more since we graduated, we had lots of school camps and trips and competitions then. those days ;) so, looking forward to it too =D and finally, i'm going to lang tengah with the zoo gang =D never, ever been to a trip with them!! the nearest thing to trip we had is cycling taman pertanian and hiking at broga hill. hee.
wahahaha. sounds fun right? but it would really be costy for me. oops. ESPECIALLY for the lang tengah trip. ESPECIALLY when i did a lot shopping this 2 months. ESPECIALLY when i drank lots of starbucks in uni these more-than-just-a-few weeks. and i ESPECIALLY need to save up every penny i have for this next two months T.T sponsor, anyone? lol.
speaking about cost. this exchange thing really needs a lot consideration. omg living expenses at the aussie is no joke. i would have to look into it during the coming holidays. and there might be another trip with zoo gang to taiwan next year i recall? or to hong kong with pei en? or to singapore AND sabah with if i die young taiping? and i might, MIGHT, need a new phone? though it's not like most of them would ACTUALLY happen in near future. but still. i need to be more careful with my expenses if i want to go to ALL the places. damn. i'm definitely not the girl who won't spend anymore. oops.
meanwhile, enjoying life even more when things are UPGRADED at home =D there's the new lcd tv first of all, which is where i would LOVE to spend all my time with (on call 36 小时, Dgray man, 大长今, HIMYM, and maybe more movies when i've downloaded them, just keep it coming =p) and the unifi. oh my gawd it makes shooo freaking much difference!!! i no longer have to WAIT to stream something. i can watch ALL the anime and mangas which i've stopped long ago mainly because of the connection speed itself. wahahaha. and this would mean i can even FINALLY upgrade my ios of my ipad. fast enough, u see. and i can also add youtube-ing as my hobby now? which cover songs are nice you say?which vlog?which awesome music videos? bring it on!! i'll just stream =D and also, an additional hard disk gives me all the spaces i need for my korean dramas. wahaha life's so kind to me ;)
if i add 'gaming' to the list, i would just be a perfect otaku girl. but, that won't happen. it just won't =D
enjoying life like a fairytale, and time just flew by. suddenly i realized i'm twenty AND A HALF. not just mere twenty any more. yet another step closer to. whatever lays ahead. still need something more to it right? ya, i'll bear that in mind.
til then.
keep it going~
chaoz ~
the end of half a year actually feels much like the end of a whole year, just maybe, its half of everything? lol. half of the year we have worked our asses off our work, be it studying or working. now it is indeed the time for a half-long break.
so, this coming break. i have PLANS!! ngehehehe! damn happening right? i know =p so first of all, i'm going to Penang with If I Die Young Taiping =D. ironic i know, we should be going to taiping instead right? lol. and then, i have this 2 day one night trip to water sports village at puchong, with PMO friends. i have never been to trips with them any more since we graduated, we had lots of school camps and trips and competitions then. those days ;) so, looking forward to it too =D and finally, i'm going to lang tengah with the zoo gang =D never, ever been to a trip with them!! the nearest thing to trip we had is cycling taman pertanian and hiking at broga hill. hee.
wahahaha. sounds fun right? but it would really be costy for me. oops. ESPECIALLY for the lang tengah trip. ESPECIALLY when i did a lot shopping this 2 months. ESPECIALLY when i drank lots of starbucks in uni these more-than-just-a-few weeks. and i ESPECIALLY need to save up every penny i have for this next two months T.T sponsor, anyone? lol.
speaking about cost. this exchange thing really needs a lot consideration. omg living expenses at the aussie is no joke. i would have to look into it during the coming holidays. and there might be another trip with zoo gang to taiwan next year i recall? or to hong kong with pei en? or to singapore AND sabah with if i die young taiping? and i might, MIGHT, need a new phone? though it's not like most of them would ACTUALLY happen in near future. but still. i need to be more careful with my expenses if i want to go to ALL the places. damn. i'm definitely not the girl who won't spend anymore. oops.
meanwhile, enjoying life even more when things are UPGRADED at home =D there's the new lcd tv first of all, which is where i would LOVE to spend all my time with (on call 36 小时, Dgray man, 大长今, HIMYM, and maybe more movies when i've downloaded them, just keep it coming =p) and the unifi. oh my gawd it makes shooo freaking much difference!!! i no longer have to WAIT to stream something. i can watch ALL the anime and mangas which i've stopped long ago mainly because of the connection speed itself. wahahaha. and this would mean i can even FINALLY upgrade my ios of my ipad. fast enough, u see. and i can also add youtube-ing as my hobby now? which cover songs are nice you say?which vlog?which awesome music videos? bring it on!! i'll just stream =D and also, an additional hard disk gives me all the spaces i need for my korean dramas. wahaha life's so kind to me ;)
if i add 'gaming' to the list, i would just be a perfect otaku girl. but, that won't happen. it just won't =D
enjoying life like a fairytale, and time just flew by. suddenly i realized i'm twenty AND A HALF. not just mere twenty any more. yet another step closer to. whatever lays ahead. still need something more to it right? ya, i'll bear that in mind.
til then.
 |
| nerd mode, people. NERD MODE!!! |
chaoz ~
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