Words

Sad how should mere sounds and vibration formed by the human voice through the air should hurt you sometimes. Of course, words can also be a beauty, a form of love, warmth, friendship, inspiration and encouragement.

But not mindless words, no. Mindless words are from people who just feel like talking, for the sake of talking. Too many words are useless, they could offer no knowledge nor positivity. They just cause disputes and lame conflicts. True meanings do no need so many number of words to relay the information. Some people just talk as if they're in love with their own voice.

I'm a slow learner with words. I often mix up vocabs like circumstances and circumference, artist with drawer, Leonardo Da Vinci and Leonardo Di Caprio. I often forgets names of people/ objects/ places. And spelling, I'm horrible at it. And so, I am not good at arguments/ debates/ spontaneous talking. That's why I make do with writing instead. Where the words I typed out are words that I really want them to mean. Words and feelings that I've given a serious thought about. Not mindless chitchat and mean jokes. 

Sometimes, too many are just one too many. Am I cutting off something again?

Note to self

1. Read my English before i send an email. Its embarrassing to have stupid grammatical errors. Same for speaking. Think before I speak. Leave out the 'ma, la', 'izit', 'gua' chinapek words!! Speak slowly and concisely.

2. Smile. And don't be lazy to greet people. Sigh don't be a blur, ignorant and arrogant bastard. This is like the bare minimum. If this don't even works, how can I be the sociable person I want to become?

3. Stop crushing candies!! Its been a whole year since it went out of fashion. And its okay if i don't score three stars. I have wasted way too many days and hours on it!! I could have done more constructive stuff with the extra time. Also, it makes my vision worse than before!!

4. Exercise. Constant backache and occasional headache in the age of 22?? unacceptable!! I forced myself to joined two marathons, but I have yet to begin practicing for the runs T.T And what happened to the daily 30 minute workout routine? died off after a mere two months? AND that bloody tummy is growing bigger! My jeans are tight! I better not cry when they won't fit one day T.T Not to say that i have so many pretty tight skirts which I'm embarrassed to wear, just because my tummy shows!! zzzz

5. Empathy. Kindness. Patience. Maybe I should meditate to calm my soul. Constant frustration and anger is bad for one's mental condition. It leads to depression. I want a peaceful and happy soul. I want inner peace!

6. Financial. To work or to do another internship. To spend or not to spend. To earn or not to earn. My maths is good. But it sucks when it comes to spending. No I seldom splurge. But rather I could not make up my mind on what to do with my money at hand. Except with food. I would mostly spend on foods without hesitation. Don't tempt me!!

7. Add some sparks and spices to life! GAWD everything seems to die off since i started studying engineering. Remember those days? Where we go for weekly music practices? Art/music lessons? Events? Meetings? And still have energy to strive in studies as well as achieve a balance in everything? GONE. now i'm a 10000% nerd. Surrounded by studies and NOTHING ELSE. Is it the workload? I think not. Its the lifestyle. Its the laze that hangs over every student in Monash. D2Y seems to be the best way out from my situation. I've always wanted to join something like that. Then poof! and i don't join them anymore. What a waste. NOOOooooooo. I need something else in my life!!! should I start looking for random social societies and volunteer work?

8. Picking up. In recent years, I may have dropped many things behind in order to embark this engineering journey in Monash. Its hard to see everyone when I'm surrounded by workloads and codes and equations. And people don't relate to engineering stuff. And I don't have any more stuff in my life except engineering!! I've turned into such a boring person. So, is it time to pick up old friendships? old interests? maybe something I've loved and abandoned for a long time...

9. Something new. Besides picking up old stuff, I should try something new. You see, if i keep dropping and leaving stuff behind, and not pick up something new, I'll just be stuck at this state called lifeless-engineering-nerd. I should do something NOT related to engineering at all. I should be MORE than a freaking engineering student.

Self-praise: Recently i'm being this very big-heart-ed person who is extremely tolerant to criticizes and people (some are idiots) around me. Managed to keep composure at most of the times. good job for a Pieces ^^

人生如逆水行舟，不进则退。A basic Chinese idiom I ought to remember for life!

anxious

Anxious, is the word to describe me nowdays. A bad word, really. Anxious with how i look, anxious about what I have to say, anxious about my posture, speech, money, homework, people... practically most of the things.

The weird thing is, i'm not that of a helpless person. In fact, i'm pretty capable myself, in terms of handling academics, at least. I have brains, I'm an engineer, i could solve even the more complicated problems. Yet, still the anxiety, which eats me out from the insides, sometimes.

Sometimes, I feel i have all the problems in the world. sometimes i feel i'm just another whiny spoilt brat. Yet sometimes, i tell myself all this are just over thinking, which leads to anxiety, which leads to unhappiness.

When I know i could do well in studies, I tend to do the opposite, which is read other random stuff unrelated to studies at all, which makes me fall well behind just two weeks into the semester.

Inner peace. where are you? I need my inner peace and happiness.

Rough start

Yesh! My uni life has finally taken a turn for the better. After, what seems like a horrible, depressing first week.

First off, I've gotten sick in the first week. Due to aftermath of overly exposed to germs and bacteria of the crowds of the crazy book fair at klcc. Okay, its just that I'm weak. oops. Anyhow, after the first day at uni, and lots of sneezing, I woke up from a nap to find that I'm down with fever. And our family dinner at Tao has to be cancelled because of that!! I missed another day of lesson, and spent my time either freezing to death, or sweating my pants out miserably at home.

Anyways, due to this fever, I've missed not one, not two, but three outings!! how can so much happen in just a couple of days eh?

But, like i said, things are finally looking up! A brand new day today, fever free (though still lots of cough) and free milo (though i don't drink milo)!! Also, monday is known as Naing day for me, given that all three lectures on this day are from him, which means ALL of my electrical friends are having classes together!! haha. I thought that this isn't possible anymore given we are all from different years and semesters. Also, my FYP is on track! sorta ^^ going in the right direction anyways. And dr Kuang is too kind, too kind. That's a huge worry of my chest.

Pray for this to be a smooth semester!