yeap. a chinese post. had the inspiration to blog in chinese after reading few of my friends' blog. call me copy cat =p . haha. but i doubt it'll be any good. my chinese writing skills is so rusty these days. hardly even read chinese paper. imma mango-banana cross breed now =D
so. 世事难料。seriously. things are ever changing. why do i suddenly think of such sentimental stuff? its because of yesterday, when i visited my neighbour at her place for deepavali celebration, which caused my tummy to suffer due to too much curry consumption. anyways, back to topic. i was sitting in the living room, looking at the furniture, seeming oddly familiar... then, i remembered. its the same house where i used to play and spent time for many many of my primary school days. its the house of my old best friend, before she moved out, and went to a different school, and eventually lost contact all together except on facebook and twitter. i use the term 'oddly' familiar is because, the decorations in the same house are replaced by artistic and traditional indianish stuff. ya. that's why it took me some time to registered that it was the very same place. the place where i go to celebrate deepavali in recent years is actually the same one i used to go to celebrate Christmas long ago.
things have changed so much since then. my character. my circle of friends. my life. and more on my character. it took me back to many 'once upon a time', this one trip. it was a time when things are simple. when places don't have meaning of its own. when words only sound like words. when photos only look like pretty colours. there were no hidden meanings. no secret feelings. no memories were dragging us from behind. there was no unknown of the future to fear of. no trains of thoughts that link one thing to another, taking me to far far away from the now. once upon a time, everything that happened, was just the present.
it could seemed impossible, how the person i once was, could be the person i now am. yet, looking back, every step i took, every choice i made, have indeed lead me here. its like...fate. i could see the logic behind it, understand the becoming of it, analyse the factors that influence it, regret it, cherish it, but, i could still not see the person i yet to become. ya. still lost indeed.
世事难料、 人类善变， 让我想到很多事是不长久的。一个感觉，不管是多么多么的强烈，在时间的催促下，也可能只是一阵过云雨罢了。靠感觉、凭直觉，也是当时，一刹那间的错觉。时间一长，再真实的感觉也可能是假的。或许当时真的是真感情，可观念一改变，什么都过去了。
上了人生另一个阶段，新人物走进了我的世界。进入了大人的世界，危机重重、四处阴险。我不是遇上了什么坏人，而是看见了人类的现实、人类的自我、人类之古灵精怪。世界上什么种的人都有，这句话一点也不假。
面对新朋友、新同学，不再像以前那样坦诚、那样痛快。凡话要说先经大脑，凡决定要经三思，凡人不可全信，凡事都有了界限。人变聪敏了，可更复杂了。
面对新的世界，恐惧是有的。不打开心来，却感觉不到人间美丽又感动的一面。这么矛盾又困难的人间，到底要如何走下去？
对我而言，十九年，烦恼年。对错、真假、友敌、是非、上下、左右，再也不能一一分清了。
现在，只能做好自己，更爱自己，相信明天。
chaoz~
