2012 new year resolution.

today is a bad day. but the tears have to flow so oh well. but this would be a positive post. i've already posted the super emo one elsewhere where no one would ever read and i would delete it one very fine day.

few days later imma gonna be freaking twenty!!! NO!!!! i'm still shoooo far from BEING twenty. i still have not left my teens rebellious stage!! GAHHH.

so due to such events, this resolution would be totally random and unprepared yet necessary. haih. so, here goes.

what the hell i'm doing? i need to read more. like a lot. of everything.

what happened to my 'improve-my-redness' plan? if it goes on like this i'll just join toast masters and close case. no more screwing up presentations!! pffft.

and i need to be more focused and aware to the surrounding. no more disappearing from fb and the outside world.

and i need to work on my FACADE.

and i need to get more involved in stuff and seriously open up.

and i have to have fun. k?no more serious, no fun life.

and i need to just relax. stop being so tense and nervous!!

and i need to act like twenty. one way or another.

argh. this is gonna have to work. its uni life man!! last days of being irresponsible and naive and to grow up and to explore.

i'm really desperate. is being twenty so stressful? lol.

okay. i'll stop freaking out here.

just..happy new year to myself!! i meant every single word. HAPPY. NEW. YEAR.

and happy new year to all of you too =D

til then.

chaoz~

don't wanna grow up

its December. The year is ending, so is my teens.

its my last year of teens. From next year on, I'll be in my twenties. another decade of my life is coming to an end.

allow me a short moment of wanting to freeze time. allow me to stay as a teen for a little longer. allow me a short moment to be irresponsible and childish and free. for this moment, i would like to express as i feel and as i wish. for this moment, i would like to laugh and cry and shout and sleep as i please. for this moment, i would like to make a face to whoever who displeases me. for this moment, i would like to jump and laugh as ridiculous as i could be. for this moment, i would  not have to shove smiles and pleasantries to just any people. for this moment, i would not have to think and think and think again of each action I've already made, I 'm making, and that i have to make. for this moment, i would not have to go through pros and cons before reaching a decision. for this moment, doing something is just for wanting to do it. for this moment, façade is just a six letter word which has no meaning and holds no importance. for this moment, i would be totally free.

though even in my teens, totally free does not always happen. now leaving my teens, freedom holds even less importance. there's CONSEQUENCES. and it would not be SMART enough to just do what i feel. its expected to have RESPONSIBILITY on actions made. we have to WEIGH what to do and what not to do. we have to THINK. we have to KNOW. we have to DO WHAT'S BEST.

just for a moment, allow me to not grow up, to stay as reckless, as ridiculous, as tooopid, as emotional, and as HONEST as a teen. let me go back to the days where my brain wasn't as awake as now, where peace could be easily find, where now it automatically analyses each tiny little thing it encounters.

let me go back to the days where bunch of old friends meet every single day, where we have not been scattered around the world, and have not settled and move on with our seperate paths. where the things we shared are not just sweet memories.

my teens is nearly over. Its the purest, liveliest, fullest, youngest, most honest days of my life. though mistakes made, and some regrets remain, I would cherish it forever.

here ends my farewell speech to my teens. now the moment is over, here i am again, heading towards reality, forever going forward. go twenties!!