over react

one thing i can't control is over reacting. not that i don't want to control, but its like automatic. and i hate it.

i know some problems i faced were small matters, tiny tiny matters just enough to make any other people make a face and forget about it, some of the problems are not even MY problems. But, i ALWAYS over react. As though they were super big matters, like the sky is falling down or something. Its like i couldn't just bottle up all my opinions or feelings on that case. I have to pour every last drop of it out until i really have had enough complains about it. If its my problems, even worse. i wouldn't want to share it, but still, it pours out little by little, like it is being forced through a bottle cap..

And the thing i can't comprehend is where the heck did i get the influence of this 'over-reactingness'??My elder sister is the calmest people i've ever seen in solving probles like this, rationally catogarizing each case as important or not. my lil sis is the ' i don't care' or 'don't care la' type, who also always dismisses my problems by saying' its nothing de larh...' So, why myself is having this problem??if i could recognise it, wanting to handle with it, how come it still exists. i didn't care much about it in high school. but after entering college i tried to handle with this problem, and i see myself being more patient (much more) with things, and not over reacting over petty things already. i could handle stuffs well, organise, plan, solve people's problems, deal with people as calmly as possible, and more, i could also catogarize things which really matter, or does not. Yet still.

what's the big deal?not important de larh..so what??don't care la..like i care??whatever...talks that i couldn't or have yet to walk.

I'm always finding a pail. Anyone anywhere. Each period or year there's a different person. Just so i can repeat my problems that are running through my brain. Just repeating it would make me feel better. But i doubt it makes any other feels better. Or next time i'll just find myself a recorder. pathetic.

Hmm. At this instant, i got a slight idea of where all of these are coming from. Should be from my 'blueness'. You know, the logical, analithical, working solo character. Yep, i just think too much. Its just no way i could switch off my mind. And i experienced that LITERALLY in that stupid sleepless night. Not because of thinking that i couldn't sleep.Its because of my sleeplessness that i have to keep thinking until 4am in the morning=.= Whoa. Is that tiring. Any random stuff: from stact club, to emcee, to souvenir, to opening ceremony, to pekan nanas, to thinking skills, to what to wear for wedding dinner, to what time i take bus, to what i wear tomorrow morning, to why i still can't just sleep, just drop dead also will do (touch wood), to why i keep thinking, to why i keep thinking bout why i keep thinking, to guys, to girls, to hamsters... and then repeat the WHOLE cycle. Well, you get the idea. haih.



a quote from some dhamma book: accept what u could or couldn't do.

oh well. haven't see open. mean while, 'enjoy' the restlessness. haha. just human.


til then.

chaoz~

the final moment....

hah. dramatic post heading..just to give myself the mood that AS exam is in one week's time T.T and my new blog heading!!nice??hee..

okay. i've caught myself in the situation that i'll have AS exam and charity carnival and johor-3-day-2-night wedding trip all in this coming few weeks. brave me. and i'm not that free. nor that prepared for exam. aikssss. slacked this few days!!!no.......aiks. and AS exam is no joke. its not very hard. but not easy to score. what about the practical testssss??scary!!!and if i want to survive A2. this is the time i dig myself a well first. or prepare myself an umbrella. something like that. haha.

ok. so many things to do. what to wear to the wedding dinner??haha. what to give??and have to find all people i need in my ceremony. asap. argh. so that i can go for my AS exam in peace..and the VIP's souvenior. and yat lei's picture. and my further maths??can't afford to abandon it for another month again.

argh. motivation!!!i've wasted 2 days of this week already. i know i'm able to do all of these if i get into the mode NOW. shit you, facebook, why am i always fb-ing nowadays??this is the critical moment already. either i'll wasted my effort for the whole year, or i'm able to hit all my aims in one shot. NOW is the critical moment, because if i start any later, it'll be too late to get back on track already. and i dare suggested to go for karaeoke this week in class today..oh my, i'm so outta my mind!! no more time!!time to focus!!

now only i begin to feel anxious. right after i received call from Esther that inti idol would like to perform for us. its an incredibly good news for me and but then only i start to picture the events for the carnival. THEN only i really realise there is soooo much to do. GREAT. smart me.

going for shopping now T.T

plssss let me survive this.pls oh pls oh plsssss....

good luck people. good luck MAS 1.

chaoz~