over react

one thing i can't control is over reacting. not that i don't want to control, but its like automatic. and i hate it.

i know some problems i faced were small matters, tiny tiny matters just enough to make any other people make a face and forget about it, some of the problems are not even MY problems. But, i ALWAYS over react. As though they were super big matters, like the sky is falling down or something. Its like i couldn't just bottle up all my opinions or feelings on that case. I have to pour every last drop of it out until i really have had enough complains about it. If its my problems, even worse. i wouldn't want to share it, but still, it pours out little by little, like it is being forced through a bottle cap..

And the thing i can't comprehend is where the heck did i get the influence of this 'over-reactingness'??My elder sister is the calmest people i've ever seen in solving probles like this, rationally catogarizing each case as important or not. my lil sis is the ' i don't care' or 'don't care la' type, who also always dismisses my problems by saying' its nothing de larh...' So, why myself is having this problem??if i could recognise it, wanting to handle with it, how come it still exists. i didn't care much about it in high school. but after entering college i tried to handle with this problem, and i see myself being more patient (much more) with things, and not over reacting over petty things already. i could handle stuffs well, organise, plan, solve people's problems, deal with people as calmly as possible, and more, i could also catogarize things which really matter, or does not. Yet still.

what's the big deal?not important de larh..so what??don't care la..like i care??whatever...talks that i couldn't or have yet to walk.

I'm always finding a pail. Anyone anywhere. Each period or year there's a different person. Just so i can repeat my problems that are running through my brain. Just repeating it would make me feel better. But i doubt it makes any other feels better. Or next time i'll just find myself a recorder. pathetic.

Hmm. At this instant, i got a slight idea of where all of these are coming from. Should be from my 'blueness'. You know, the logical, analithical, working solo character. Yep, i just think too much. Its just no way i could switch off my mind. And i experienced that LITERALLY in that stupid sleepless night. Not because of thinking that i couldn't sleep.Its because of my sleeplessness that i have to keep thinking until 4am in the morning=.= Whoa. Is that tiring. Any random stuff: from stact club, to emcee, to souvenir, to opening ceremony, to pekan nanas, to thinking skills, to what to wear for wedding dinner, to what time i take bus, to what i wear tomorrow morning, to why i still can't just sleep, just drop dead also will do (touch wood), to why i keep thinking, to why i keep thinking bout why i keep thinking, to guys, to girls, to hamsters... and then repeat the WHOLE cycle. Well, you get the idea. haih.



a quote from some dhamma book: accept what u could or couldn't do.

oh well. haven't see open. mean while, 'enjoy' the restlessness. haha. just human.


til then.

chaoz~