'study' break

seriously, its a 'study' break. its so freaking long it almost just feels like a break ==

ya. it's the study break before my Year 1 Sem 2 finals. I have almost 2 weeks of break, before the first paper, and then another week of break before the second one. ya, my finals have taken up an entire month, despite having only four papers. so, basically, you can imagine how slacking I am these few days =p

anyways, screw all the bid-goodbyes Facebook post and nerd calling tweets. they're just PLAIN LIES. because, I basically did the exact OPPOSITE of EVERYTHING I've said or planned to do. no anime? hah! I've watched more episodes of D-gray man just today than all the other days of this semester combined. thanks to the new LCD tv at home, I can connect my hard disk to the tv and watch all the animes I want on the BIG screen instead of tiring my eyes to watch from the pc monitor. and it's my study break, means there's only me at home having this holiday and basically means I can hog the tv all I want during daytime with no interruption at all=x and of course no one to nag me from watching too much tv.

HIMYM?? I've finished watching and is re-watching it again. aaaaand, i'm having unify from tomorrow onwards!! oh no. this. is. BAD. timing. BAD, i say. the main reason why I study at uni is because of slow Internet at home. so, I would rather leave all the temptations, and force myself to uni, just to get a stable connection. now? I can stay home!!!with all the mangas, k dramas, anime I can stream. along with the foods, tea, pillow and everything. i was unable to stream anything before this. so I usually WAIT for my friends to share their downloads before I can watch anything. and when i wait, i sometimes just give up and study. but now, I'm free as a house fly, I can stream my own dramas and movies!!! this is bad...very very bad......what if I started playing online games too? O.O no, that would never happen. Nooooo!!!

instead, i should use that time to read better books or articles which i have no time for usually. i read too little and my English gets suckier everyday. sigh. and, I eat DAMN A HELL LOT of junk food. oops. I usually won't mind because there was a need for my brain power. but now? I hardly start studying. and I'm already EATING up all my junk food supplies. argh. just because I have nothing else to do. 

and!! I planned to go swimming and gym during this break to boost my studying. B.U.T. I failed to wake up early every single time== I'm back to my holiday wake up schedule!! means I wake up after 9 everyday. and when I wake up after 9, it's either already too sunny to swim or I'm too hungry to do any exercise== phaillllll. 

yet again, the exam still seems quite. erm. not to say far, but not-too-near away. so, I went out and hang out here and there quite often. yumcha shopping and such. up to point where I, erm, ALMOST, overspent. oops. there's the mid-year-sale to blame. and I didn't have the time to shop before the break because I was hell busy so I'm just leaping at the chance larh. and because I'm really craving for Starbucks ochado chatime mahhh. but, I stopped. okay? I stopped. 

anyway, it's thursday already. exactly one week before the first paper. still got time, but, better get serious le guaaa. 

and. I damn wanna go out laaa.. Uk imu Nottingham everybody's holidays has already begun. and I want my tripssss. and sing kssss. and yum cha sessions still not enough. and my dramas!!! eeeeeeee no wonder I damn restless studying at home I want so many things =\

mean while, I'm missing you people la. I wanna hang out. but I have to wait, one more month. sigh. 

nerd mode. please better be there when I really need you. 

to all monashians: 加油 hwaittinggggg =D 

til then. 

chaoz~

self lover =p

recently, kinda pai seh to admit, i've been reading back my own old blog and diary posts, and going through my old photos rather  frequently. LOL. just to see how far i've gone through, how much i've achieved blah blah blah. ya, i know, sometimes i do this reflect-on-myself-thing way often than needed, in other words, thinking too much.

anyway, all people are self lovers, so why not love yourself more too? hrm. just that sometimes i have this intimidated feeling when i see some people really pro in the way they carry themselves. clear speech, good humour, confident comments. i mean, its actually nothing to do with me right? as long as i'm comfortable and i don't care. hrmm. BUT. i no comfortable. damnnn. and why do i even care. lol.

i think i need to really truly learn to not care useless stuff. need to revert my focus to more useful, better things. and i think THAT is exactly the way to not care, and to feel comfortable. focus on other better things!! gosh. sometimes i feel i need to just yell at myself =.=

also, just admit that i'm weird. its easier that way. LOL. everyone is weird in their own ways anyway =p

aaaaand. from what i see, i just think 自己的生活还是自己负责的。so, sometimes, we really need to grow up, and think what IS the best for ourselves. and, also, focus on other BETTER things. the world is still turning. things are still going on. so many awesome things you will miss out just because you paused for too long.

ya, i regretted that i paused for a while, during A levels. 人，不进则退。its NEVER good to pause. life just goes on and on....until we die anyway. so now i'm catching up again i guess? its a bit too late if i compare with those who already are at the top. BUT again, there's always the different paths. we get to see things others don't, and others see things we don't.

imagine i can't shop by myself just 2 years ago (always afraid to ask and always need sis to confirm my choice of items). and now i spent almost 300 bucks by myself in one week==

that's growing up i guess. even though its a small detail =p

compare to this kinda things, sometimes i feel studying is just the easiest thing in the world. sigh. why of all things, i pro at nerd?=.=

i'm slow. but that just mean i'm discovering things at a different timing. no harm at all. just, keep it going =D

oh my goshhh i want ma holidays shooooo badly.

i really miss my zoo gang =(

and imma gonna make something again i guess.

til then.

chaoz~

Good Things Must Be Shared =D

Okay. Year one is ending. wait. I've not emphasized enough. YEAR ONE IS FREAKING ENDING!!!!! omg I can't believe one quarter of my uni life is almost overrrrrr!!! 


arrrrr Australia degree seriously damn packed. Shoooooo packed I can barely do any other things while classes are on. i TRIED to join a club, turn out i only went for like, 3 out of the meetings in the whole semester == and when the 3 month summer break comes, i'll slack like hell. it's like, two extremes. this semester, I'm so busy I wanna shout and scream and kick and swear and cry and punch and most of all, I WANNA SING K!!! BUT, I survived =D I survived the freaking MATlab and weird physics experiments O.O, and still, I survived MATlab. thx god== 


so, this one year in monash. hectic much? ya. but most of all in this one year, I'm glad that I found If I Die Young Taiping. awwww <3 seriously, they are just all I could ask for as a group of friends. advices, jokes, study kaki, sing k kaki, broga kaki, yumcha kaki, and basically any other kaki =p hee, they balanced out my uni life =D crazy, but not too crazy. serious, and not too serious. nerd, and not too nerd. most of all, they are very very kind people =D I'm so blessed to have met them <3 

jamie<3

abu bakar leong chew ken =p

remember this? traffic light =p

when we used to camp at bean bag area

our first BIG camwhore =D

see u shoooo happy together =p

sweeeeeet right? i know =p

more pwetty photos =D

another photo of abu bakar coz u no camwhore with us =p

and in the second semester. there's some complications. but I still believe things WOULD be okay if we want to and try to make them okay. aaaand, we have two additional members this semester =D fate really brought us together. how else would be AGAIN study in the same uni and course AND branch, when we ALREADY grew up in the same place, went to the same primary school (5 years) and high school( another 5 years), also went to the same tuition. just when I thought the trend is broken when we went to different pre u courses, we ended up stuck together at monash again. LOL.  

welcome to the family =p

so, year one ending. meaning, we'll be splitting up into different branches next semester =( I could only wish the lunch breaks and study breaks and Advanced Maths could still give us enough time together. hee =D 

back to myself. this 2 semesters. hmm, I've grown too right? at least a small amount. ya, and I've been more comfortable than ever being with people of same interests and kinds. some how. haha. though mostly are guys== sometimes I secretly feel things would be simpler if I was just a guy. LOL. but oh well, a female engineer sounds damn cool too =p 


aaaaand. there's some things I'm still so frustrated with myself. that I no change or no adapt or no pro or no anything else. so limited, you know? gahhhhh.   


at the same time, 不再为自己所不是的执着。

damn contradicting right. ergh.   

appreciate little things. 耐心。one thing at a time. 我将会长大的 。 

I think I need another mid year resolution == 

my rube goldberg machine damn nice =D

 til then.


chaoz~

人以群分

ya. though how i said how similar we (i'm not gonna mention the E word too much here, lol) are, there's still this GIANT BIG difference. and so, hence form the cliques. like people simply group together. and unlike groups simply don't match. different channel, different frequency, different ways. ya, we're all just humans, shouldn't distinct things so clearly. BUT. there's always a but. things we do, is always only up to an extend. ya, the line is still existent.  

and thxs to form 4 syllabus, now I'm even seeing Venn diagrams, if you remember what they are. lol. ya, the whole world would be the universal set, and we the E students would be the subset of subset of subset of subset a million times, and finally, the cliques still barely intercept. LOL.  

same as the amoeba theory, we're all expanding, so our boundaries would be slightly touching one another's, and when we grow up even more, things would balance up, and the interception area would grow bigger =D 

and ya, now I'm seeing pretty circles growing bigger intercepting one another forming a pretty pattern == maybe I should take up statistics instead. LOL. 

hrm. all these just damn random la. recently I don't know what to think anymore. and finally, I'm seeing the end of my blogging days. I've basically set a date line.

thx u blog, for all the good times. may I finally grow out of this little blogging bubble world and may I blog as little as possible.

til then.

chaoz~

harsh life

this is gonna be a harsh post, to myself. this week, week 9, busiest week ever. I built a RUBE GOLDBERG MACHINE and a NOOB NEWSPAPER BRIDGE this week. PLUS several quizzes and lab test and codings and studying and, complicated issues. ya, tough week indeed.  

given this kinda work load, it really had tested my stress level to near maximum. and THIS is where the testing of your MENTALITY POWER comes in. because, when you are stress, you handle everything so much worse than usual, and every obstacle you encounter could just be your breaking point. 

ya, everything practically goes very very wrong when you are stress. I ALMOST lost my phone. I ALREADY lost my pen drive. even luck don't side with me with my machine. screwed the lectures. screwed the tutorials and weekly assignments. SCREWED THE FREAKING ELECTRICAL LAB PRACTICES!!! lost temper with my friends. cried three times this week. and I think I screwed up my teaching too. AND. it's a viscous cycle. it cause me to quarrel with my sis, twice. its unneeded. really. AND, there goes my breaking point. ==  

so. life, harsh indeed right? just when you try very very hard to control and handle everything, a small situation occurred and tipped off everything you've been trying to do and ruined every single thing. 

ya, I'm a year one student. this kinda stress level SHOULD be nothing compared to the future years that I'll eventually face. I THOUGHT I'm better than this. apparently I'm not.  

so, what to do? care less I guess. can't handle too much expectations. and also, increase my ULTIMATE LIMIT STATE. it's sort of the same thing right? make sure my mind don't yield or buckle during worst case scenario. BIG people don't get affected by small things!! 

something harsh, something sad: 没妈的孩子，像根草。ya, it's very true, people. pls, love your mums.  

grass is still strong. flexible, and very strong. even if i'm a mango flavour grass. lol. I will survive. i will find the right path for me. 

可遇不可求的人、事、物，不能强求。耐心。 

til then.  

chaoz~ 

p/s: despite everything, I believe things WILL change for the better, eventually. pls believe that too, ok?

why no easy?

there's this quote from thingsweforget. "bite more than you can chew, then chew it." ya, recently i've been biting LOTS of stuff. i want to be everywhere, everything, and at least good at some. pushing and pushing myself to the limit. and, now,i'm restless as ever. backfired plan. lol. ya, time to take a break, pull back in to myself and calm myself down. things won't go well with me being cranky constantly anyway.

messed up mind i have. and facade failed failed and failed miserably again as always.

some say i could make good use of my alien mentality to deal with things. hmm, for one, i think people don't mind being harsh and honest with me. means i can get real and honest feedback from them. though its like 'ouch' sometimes, i think i could handle it and SHOULD handle it.

and, i should learn to accept. ACCEPT. whatever it already is.

not gonna elaborate much. sleepy, and long day ahead.

til then.

chaoz~

大城市，小故事。

recently, I've heard LOTS of stories. stories of parts of life where I have not gone through. lol. as we grow up, things tend to get more complicated. as in, VERY complicated. @$$-_>>{€}%{>]€\€{!\€\£.!?|. ya, it's THIS complicated. 

anw, I really think my friends damn pro. MOST of them seriously truly really very damn pro. lol. how could they process and UNDERSTAND and CONTROL and REALIZE this kinda complicated stuff. as in human stuff. how u see them, communicate, feel, inspire, decide, advise, manage, handle in, everything related to human. when they get to this topic, most of them have LOTS of opinions and comments and stories. and i would be like, listen, and go 'oh ya horh?'. but if I see those things myself, I would practically come out with nth. okay, maybe i would come out with something, but its ALWAYS the very-small-almost-insignificant part of the BIG picture. hmmm. how do they process their emotions? coz sometimes, I really have none, or very little of it. aiks. 

左看右看，我的视野还是那么的小。世界很大，我要加油加油。

til then,

chaoz~