opinions..

hrm. what's with me recently. its like i don't give a damn thing about anything already. its like whatever. i don't mind. maybe just a little. hmm..do you care about what people say/think about you? recently i don't..its weird because i used to care freaking a lot. i would get emotional about something not much of a big deal. seriously. but recently, maybe its because i'm not too bonded with anyone?i just don't care. not that i give up bonding or anything. i just don't feel like pleasing anyone. it feels cliche or something. that's one thing. the other is i don't really take people's comment into heart anymore..like critics on my character those..its just too much to take into account whatever you think adding to my already full mind. its not like i don't think enough. its not like i could shut off my mind concerning my worries and random thoughts and whatever rubbish anytime i like. when someone is telling a story, mostly and always amid of my homeworking doing, studying, thinking, resting, forgive me i could not give my full attention. i don't know why, but i would concentrate on rather a particular word you say, or the way you say, or the background of your saying that take place, or even just the sound ( not voice) you say, and just, not the topic the conversation is about. can i control that??i don't know..see, its not like i don't think about it. i do want to be a better listener. its just not like mathematics. all numbers in your control. its so random so out of the world. its MY MIND we're talking about. it wanders freely as though it is Alice in the Wonderland. or whatever. so. its like after many years of shedding tears due to some mean comments. i finally, FINALLY, am able to just put them off my mind. just like a passing by rain. though it does NOT mean that i don't give a thought of what i do. hrm. maybe this is indeed maturing??don't think i'm perasan or something. just that i always used to wonder, why adults don't have much expressions emotions as kids?they don't laugh/ cry out of control, they don't have exceptionally big, dramatic gestures, they don't say everything out loud. so maybe this is it. they've finally had enough, or at least got used to it, anything any comment on this world they know is not THAT significant, so eventually they are able to put aside and go on. maybe that's it, to go on. okay. i got it. i'll just go on and on and on. while picking up precious little stuff on my way. hee. don't worry, i'll pick you=] chaoz~