Drum Roll

Three more weeks, an era would officially end, for me. Me, the student who has been nothing more than a student all her life. Its time to join the big big world.

People change. 6 years ago, I have tried all my best to evade the things i dont like. People, politics. drama. That was why i chose engineering. Now, I learn that I could not and should not have avoid any of those stuff. The more I avoid, the more difficult it has become for me.

Life is a whole package. You need a little of everything to have a balance life. Balance, is what I dont get in my uni life. The circle I hang out with, all engineers, almost 100% study talk. No balance. My life style, 110% stressful and very very technical. No balance. Social life in uni, is almost negligible due to the workload. How do I enjoy uni life when the workload in order for me to graduate is so heavy that I don't even have time to leave the lab/room/class room?

I lost balance. I grew frustrated. More accurately, i become sick of studies. This is not right. Balance used to be my priority. That was why i have always joined clubs and societies in primary, secondary, and pre-U schools. But, not in Uni. Now, i managed to scraped through all my assignments, and i absolutely have no other social activities besides study (which is not one).

There's that. I'm graduating. Only too happy to end this era. I'm about to join another world, one which I have zero-knowledge for. For once, I would be a blank paper when I join this world. Now, 6 years after my choice of the course, I have to choose again.

And I choose, anything that would help me grow. I'm open to anything (except programming, its still alien to me upon graduating, that's how much I don't like it). I might want to do marketing engineering, sales engineering, work in a harsh environment at a plant. Actually, I don't know yet. Let me get back to this after my finals. I can only handle one thing at a time. One thing is for sure, after 6+5+1.5+4 years of study, i officially grew tired of it.

My Flaws and Selina

Yes, end of Week 11 and my mind still find time in between all the crazy workloads to reflect about life. And yesterday, I watched the interview of Selina about her recovery journey from the bad burnt in the fire accident. Yes, Selina from S.H.E. Ya, she's awesome, she's courageous, she's definitely Ms. Positive Energy. Yes she's an inspiration, a role model to all the females. Yes I was deeply touched by her story.

And, yet, I'm still stuck at where I am today. I would also want Future Me to thank me for not giving up on life. Amid all the mundane but super stressful workload and quarter life crisis, I must still accept that such is life, and a its a good happy life. I must believe in that. And work my ass off towards that -> a good and happy life.

And, the people. I'm a human, yet i fear human. In age of 23, I can already say that this is the biggest obstacle in my life. Humans. Talking. Emotional attachment. Responsibility. Originality. Judgement. Norm. Respect. Attitude. You see, some of them are just the right opposite of the others. Its impossible to be all of them just so to fit into all the places in the world. While wanting to do everything right, I lost my voice. I shut down. I closed up. And I got stuck, instead of getting to all the places in the world, I ended up not belonging anywhere.

Again, sometimes its just like taking  a leap of faith. I'm not the outgoing friendly outspoken cheerful people's favourite. But, I can be more attentive, kinder, more open minded and more respectful towards others. I can't form pretty dazzling words, but i can form constructive positive words. If I don't like the negative attitude people have towards me, I can forget about it and not let it get to me. Forget about what I cannot, and focus on what I can.

I can live a better and happier life, just because I can.

And. I have a final year report to complete within 4 days. This, I believe I also can.

And. sorry for the incoherent writing. I realized there is not much flow. I can't really think straight. Literally.