First of all, i would like to share a piece of good news. i got into the ELP a.k.a. the Engineering Leadership Program!!! not that i'm THAT thrilled over it. just that, its a tini tiny accomplishment for me this year, not to mention its an open door to many many more!
so, the first meeting of the ELP goes okay. First thing that cross my mind is how cool all the others look like. i could notice a number of natural leaders among the group already. half of me is feeling intimidated, and another half of me is actually glad to have the chance to work alongside them. time to learn!! time to evolve. time to let loose of myself and step outside, way way wayyyy outside of my comfort zone.
Another thing that crossed my mind is a sense of panic. God knows how i have no idea whatsoever how to even face the respectable, more-intimidating-looking industry mentors/leaders/seniors. i suck BIG TIME at social. especially at formal events. argh. they are the VIPs of this coming Friday during the program launching. and we are supposed to INTRODUCE OURSELVES to them. gosh. I'm already secretly glad that the event is only 2 hours long hence we won't need to spend too much time around them @@. i know i won't magically turn into a social pro who is able to start a professional chat without breaking a sweat immediately. guess the only thing i can go for is to BE (not act) more friendly and try my very very best to BE (not act) more natural and hopefully manage to actually start a real talk with the elders. i'm freaking out. ergh.
and the next fear: MONKEY BARS. argh. this is one i COULD NEVER overcome. not until i spend time practising arm wrestles or lifting dumbbells or doing push ups anyway. i have helplessly small strength. and the ELP is going to a camp retreat this coming Monday. that means MONKEY BARS are unavoidable! i guess. T.T and the wall thingy. i'm only able to climb up if i'm stepping on another person.
and the next fear: not being able to fit in. sigh. this is also something that can easily happen. i'm somewhat different and alien and sakai i don't know. but hopefully i won't just go anti-social all of a sudden and fall out of the group. sigh.
guess that's quite a lot of fear i have already. but if that's not the case, there's no point for me to join this program already right? i join to overcome my fear, my limitations, my incompatibilities. so. here's a list! Lists are awesome! i tend to do things better with a seqence. haha. okay. so, the list of things to be done and of goals to be achieved!
1. presentation skills! this is something i could improve on!! finally have a hang of it since my teaching career. big thanks to ttc! but maybe its time to add some spices, some interaction, some humour?! @@ into it.
2. social skills. start with pairs? do my homework. get ready to face the BIG people.
3. leadership skills. a ALL rounded leader. compatability. and the ability to control, trust and influence.
4. let loose. i'm still so winded up by myself. time to decrease the reluctance level, the hesitation level, the pessimism level, and increase the DARING level!!!
i hope this would not be just another camp. i hope that i won't be doing the same things that i already know of. i hope that my heart will be big enough this time, it won't crush under all the pressure, stress, and negativities when the time comes.
til then.
ciao~
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