1. Read my English before i send an email. Its embarrassing to have stupid grammatical errors. Same for speaking. Think before I speak. Leave out the 'ma, la', 'izit', 'gua' chinapek words!! Speak slowly and concisely.
2. Smile. And don't be lazy to greet people. Sigh don't be a blur, ignorant and arrogant bastard. This is like the bare minimum. If this don't even works, how can I be the sociable person I want to become?
3. Stop crushing candies!! Its been a whole year since it went out of fashion. And its okay if i don't score three stars. I have wasted way too many days and hours on it!! I could have done more constructive stuff with the extra time. Also, it makes my vision worse than before!!
4. Exercise. Constant backache and occasional headache in the age of 22?? unacceptable!! I forced myself to joined two marathons, but I have yet to begin practicing for the runs T.T And what happened to the daily 30 minute workout routine? died off after a mere two months? AND that bloody tummy is growing bigger! My jeans are tight! I better not cry when they won't fit one day T.T Not to say that i have so many pretty tight skirts which I'm embarrassed to wear, just because my tummy shows!! zzzz
5. Empathy. Kindness. Patience. Maybe I should meditate to calm my soul. Constant frustration and anger is bad for one's mental condition. It leads to depression. I want a peaceful and happy soul. I want inner peace!
6. Financial. To work or to do another internship. To spend or not to spend. To earn or not to earn. My maths is good. But it sucks when it comes to spending. No I seldom splurge. But rather I could not make up my mind on what to do with my money at hand. Except with food. I would mostly spend on foods without hesitation. Don't tempt me!!
7. Add some sparks and spices to life! GAWD everything seems to die off since i started studying engineering. Remember those days? Where we go for weekly music practices? Art/music lessons? Events? Meetings? And still have energy to strive in studies as well as achieve a balance in everything? GONE. now i'm a 10000% nerd. Surrounded by studies and NOTHING ELSE. Is it the workload? I think not. Its the lifestyle. Its the laze that hangs over every student in Monash. D2Y seems to be the best way out from my situation. I've always wanted to join something like that. Then poof! and i don't join them anymore. What a waste. NOOOooooooo. I need something else in my life!!! should I start looking for random social societies and volunteer work?
8. Picking up. In recent years, I may have dropped many things behind in order to embark this engineering journey in Monash. Its hard to see everyone when I'm surrounded by workloads and codes and equations. And people don't relate to engineering stuff. And I don't have any more stuff in my life except engineering!! I've turned into such a boring person. So, is it time to pick up old friendships? old interests? maybe something I've loved and abandoned for a long time...
9. Something new. Besides picking up old stuff, I should try something new. You see, if i keep dropping and leaving stuff behind, and not pick up something new, I'll just be stuck at this state called lifeless-engineering-nerd. I should do something NOT related to engineering at all. I should be MORE than a freaking engineering student.
Self-praise: Recently i'm being this very big-heart-ed person who is extremely tolerant to criticizes and people (some are idiots) around me. Managed to keep composure at most of the times. good job for a Pieces ^^
人生如逆水行舟，不进则退。A basic Chinese idiom I ought to remember for life!
Monday, August 25, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
anxious
Anxious, is the word to describe me nowdays. A bad word, really. Anxious with how i look, anxious about what I have to say, anxious about my posture, speech, money, homework, people... practically most of the things.
The weird thing is, i'm not that of a helpless person. In fact, i'm pretty capable myself, in terms of handling academics, at least. I have brains, I'm an engineer, i could solve even the more complicated problems. Yet, still the anxiety, which eats me out from the insides, sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel i have all the problems in the world. sometimes i feel i'm just another whiny spoilt brat. Yet sometimes, i tell myself all this are just over thinking, which leads to anxiety, which leads to unhappiness.
When I know i could do well in studies, I tend to do the opposite, which is read other random stuff unrelated to studies at all, which makes me fall well behind just two weeks into the semester.
Inner peace. where are you? I need my inner peace and happiness.
The weird thing is, i'm not that of a helpless person. In fact, i'm pretty capable myself, in terms of handling academics, at least. I have brains, I'm an engineer, i could solve even the more complicated problems. Yet, still the anxiety, which eats me out from the insides, sometimes.
Sometimes, I feel i have all the problems in the world. sometimes i feel i'm just another whiny spoilt brat. Yet sometimes, i tell myself all this are just over thinking, which leads to anxiety, which leads to unhappiness.
When I know i could do well in studies, I tend to do the opposite, which is read other random stuff unrelated to studies at all, which makes me fall well behind just two weeks into the semester.
Inner peace. where are you? I need my inner peace and happiness.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Rough start
Yesh! My uni life has finally taken a turn for the better. After, what seems like a horrible, depressing first week.
First off, I've gotten sick in the first week. Due to aftermath of overly exposed to germs and bacteria of the crowds of the crazy book fair at klcc. Okay, its just that I'm weak. oops. Anyhow, after the first day at uni, and lots of sneezing, I woke up from a nap to find that I'm down with fever. And our family dinner at Tao has to be cancelled because of that!! I missed another day of lesson, and spent my time either freezing to death, or sweating my pants out miserably at home.
Anyways, due to this fever, I've missed not one, not two, but three outings!! how can so much happen in just a couple of days eh?
But, like i said, things are finally looking up! A brand new day today, fever free (though still lots of cough) and free milo (though i don't drink milo)!! Also, monday is known as Naing day for me, given that all three lectures on this day are from him, which means ALL of my electrical friends are having classes together!! haha. I thought that this isn't possible anymore given we are all from different years and semesters. Also, my FYP is on track! sorta ^^ going in the right direction anyways. And dr Kuang is too kind, too kind. That's a huge worry of my chest.
Pray for this to be a smooth semester!
First off, I've gotten sick in the first week. Due to aftermath of overly exposed to germs and bacteria of the crowds of the crazy book fair at klcc. Okay, its just that I'm weak. oops. Anyhow, after the first day at uni, and lots of sneezing, I woke up from a nap to find that I'm down with fever. And our family dinner at Tao has to be cancelled because of that!! I missed another day of lesson, and spent my time either freezing to death, or sweating my pants out miserably at home.
Anyways, due to this fever, I've missed not one, not two, but three outings!! how can so much happen in just a couple of days eh?
But, like i said, things are finally looking up! A brand new day today, fever free (though still lots of cough) and free milo (though i don't drink milo)!! Also, monday is known as Naing day for me, given that all three lectures on this day are from him, which means ALL of my electrical friends are having classes together!! haha. I thought that this isn't possible anymore given we are all from different years and semesters. Also, my FYP is on track! sorta ^^ going in the right direction anyways. And dr Kuang is too kind, too kind. That's a huge worry of my chest.
Pray for this to be a smooth semester!
Friday, July 25, 2014
Imagine
If i would imagine. I see that I'm well past my insecurities and self judgement issues, I'm well at ease with myself, and that I could speak calmly and confidently.
No, its not that I want to be what i am not, but rather imagining what I can become. If engineering did killed my artistic side, I can't allow it to stop me from imagining.
Now to think of it, its a while since i imagine the future. Ya, i day dream a lot, but not imagining. Imagining is visualizing, setting a goal, and knowing that it could be achieved.
If I would imagine, I see I'll be a happy person with the capability of taking care of myself and the ones i love, doing things which I'm good at, and surrounded by people I love. To tell the truth, I was kinda at a failure with that, as I don't keep in touch my any of my A levels friends, and in uni, my previous gang of friends has broken into a thousand pieces. Also, I imagine I'm healthy and in control of my body (looks like I have to start exercising again). If I'm at ease, happiness would come, as well as friendship and everything good in the world.
Now with the picture in my mind. the goal is set. All is the power of the mind. Cultivate the mind!
And yes I just read the book "the monk who sold his ferrari". Read a few pages and its a good wake up call. Lack of positive energy around me and I have to create my own.
Imagine, before I make another step that would set me off track.
No, its not that I want to be what i am not, but rather imagining what I can become. If engineering did killed my artistic side, I can't allow it to stop me from imagining.
Now to think of it, its a while since i imagine the future. Ya, i day dream a lot, but not imagining. Imagining is visualizing, setting a goal, and knowing that it could be achieved.
If I would imagine, I see I'll be a happy person with the capability of taking care of myself and the ones i love, doing things which I'm good at, and surrounded by people I love. To tell the truth, I was kinda at a failure with that, as I don't keep in touch my any of my A levels friends, and in uni, my previous gang of friends has broken into a thousand pieces. Also, I imagine I'm healthy and in control of my body (looks like I have to start exercising again). If I'm at ease, happiness would come, as well as friendship and everything good in the world.
Now with the picture in my mind. the goal is set. All is the power of the mind. Cultivate the mind!
And yes I just read the book "the monk who sold his ferrari". Read a few pages and its a good wake up call. Lack of positive energy around me and I have to create my own.
Imagine, before I make another step that would set me off track.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
I'm a Math Nerd
okay. so few weeks before the semester resumes, I freaked out instead of staying relaxed and enjoying my holidays. I was nervous about my FYP topic when I heard there are more lecturers than students from my batch, which would mean that only one student may work under one lecturer. I wanted to avoid the situation where all the suitable topics being picked by the others and went ahead to schedule an appointment with a lecturer.
Anyways, the good news is, I got a topic! in a field which I wanted. The bad news is, it sounds like a really difficult topic. How difficult? Well the first two topics he gave me to choose is "Lasso Group Signal Decomposition" and "Uniformity in Multi Dimensions". Ya, I don't know what they means either. And finally, he settled me with a third topic instead of the two, namely "Signal Excitation Modelling". Ya, I'm suppose to model the excitement of signals, by derivation of equations and sorts I guess @@
And, as opposed to the previous post, I'm feeling hopeful again somehow. Remembered what I said about choosing the wrong course? I think that's just because of the stress from exams. Now exams are all far and over, and I got my pretty results, engineering once again don't seem like the wrong course at all! Haha, ya you can call me fickle minded.
The thing is, I'm drawn to math. In the past, present, and in my FYP, more than ever. And I think that's the reason why I chose engineering over architecture. And even though electronics isn't my favorite thing in the world, E&E does involve a lot of math, as compared to the other courses. So, even though I've diverted slightly from the pure mathematics, I'm still doing applied math, in a way.
How am I drawn to math? well, in primary school, math is easily my best and most favorite subject. Every school holidays during year end, as all kids in the school, I would restock new tutorial books for the following year. And of all the books, math would be the first book I open and finish. And I always finish them even before the year starts and had to buy another one. Which I would probably finish in another two weeks. I was kinda obsess with Maths. Maths is like the sudoku for me. Also, I'm obsess with winning the school math competition and I look forward to it every year. Call me a nerd.
In high school? well, after the pmr, I got so bored I borrowed kumon exercise sheets from my friend, Crystal. I got a whole stack and finished it during the holidays. It was just algebra and factorization but it's quite new to a pmr student like me at that time. omg, I am a nerd!!
And in form 4? I LOVE add Maths. It's the first homework I'll finish and I always immediately consult my senior, Seng yeang whenever I have a slightest doubt. And I got this pelangi analysis series questions, which I attempted until late night, until I'm confident that I got hold of the chapter. NERD ALERT.
And after high school? Add Maths became the subject I want to teach. not anything else. Not languages or history or biology. Just add Maths. Not to mention again I self studied Further Maths in A levels, even though I didn't need to. But I wanted to, and I went to several friends to help me out, Yee Min, Hua Chern, Js, Yeng Joe. Ya and the epic moment when I'm the only candidate sitting for this paper at INTI. And scored! heh.
Obsessed. Aren't I? So now, for the FYP, it only makes sense that I'm drawn to the field in Optimization, Estimation, and Numerical Methods, which is what became of mathematics in the field of engineering.
Okay. I'm not just a nerd. I'm a math geek. And I'm writing all this down, in case one day I begin to doubt that I'm in the wrong course again. Because, I am not! I have indeed chosen math and math again consistently over the years, which is indeed what I do best and what I like best. I don't know where this math will bring me in future. But I think, when the choices presents themselves again one day, I will definitely go for Maths.
Yay! Found something close to my "calling". And ya, you can call me delay jie for realizing this only recently. lol.
Monday, June 23, 2014
prior exam
Hi, i shouldn't be here at all. Why? I'm having two final papers in two consecutive days tomorrow and the day after. Yes, I'm am studying. Notes and tutorials are piling in front of me just this very moment.
So why am I here? Engineering, as much as i like it and as much as i've already chosen it. Facing the exams always gives me second thoughts about it. Being buried in equations and very tough syllabus, which might sound as much as alien language to any normal human being, its really hard to stay positive about this particular career path that i've chosen at the age 19.
And always at this kinda timing, regrets of not choosing the OTHER path will flood my mind. Yep, the OTHER path, namely architecture. I would dream of going back to age 19 and take up architecture instead of engineering. I would dream of building models with cardboards instead of hacking my brain on equations and theories. I would imagine that I'll be so good at sketching that I can design my future dream home and create many many dream homes for people to live in. And it left me utterly lost at what I'm doing with seemingly pointless equations in engineering.
Sigh. I know it wouldn't be easy either if I have indeed chosen to study architecture. The assignments might be 10 times stressful than the ones i'm having now. Also, I might also turn out to dislike architecture in the middle of it. But, at the bottom line, I could picture myself designing and drawing for the sake of being able to create a pretty dream house one day. With engineering, honestly, i'm lost at what i'm at able to create one day. a circuit board? a system?
Seriously, this thought pop up every single time when i'm facing exams. whether that i've chosen my path wrongly. And the fact that i'm already completing my 3rd year, on the way to do my final, has as well concluded the fact that i have to be an engineer.
Stressful moment induce stressful thoughts. see? i need to find a plan so that I can achieve what i want as an engineer as well.
Okay. Back to studies. two more days!!
So why am I here? Engineering, as much as i like it and as much as i've already chosen it. Facing the exams always gives me second thoughts about it. Being buried in equations and very tough syllabus, which might sound as much as alien language to any normal human being, its really hard to stay positive about this particular career path that i've chosen at the age 19.
And always at this kinda timing, regrets of not choosing the OTHER path will flood my mind. Yep, the OTHER path, namely architecture. I would dream of going back to age 19 and take up architecture instead of engineering. I would dream of building models with cardboards instead of hacking my brain on equations and theories. I would imagine that I'll be so good at sketching that I can design my future dream home and create many many dream homes for people to live in. And it left me utterly lost at what I'm doing with seemingly pointless equations in engineering.
Sigh. I know it wouldn't be easy either if I have indeed chosen to study architecture. The assignments might be 10 times stressful than the ones i'm having now. Also, I might also turn out to dislike architecture in the middle of it. But, at the bottom line, I could picture myself designing and drawing for the sake of being able to create a pretty dream house one day. With engineering, honestly, i'm lost at what i'm at able to create one day. a circuit board? a system?
Seriously, this thought pop up every single time when i'm facing exams. whether that i've chosen my path wrongly. And the fact that i'm already completing my 3rd year, on the way to do my final, has as well concluded the fact that i have to be an engineer.
Stressful moment induce stressful thoughts. see? i need to find a plan so that I can achieve what i want as an engineer as well.
Okay. Back to studies. two more days!!
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Mature
Recently, I've followed this page on facebook called "Humans of New York". I kinda enjoy reading their every post. It nice to read the views of random people of all ages and races in the world. There's this quote from a random dude on the page, "You mature the moment you know what you want to do". Hmm, wise.
That's why I have not matured? I don't know what I want to do. A year to graduation, I have not figured it out. Ya, its not easy to 'figure' your life out for most people. Most people are not born with a burning passion to do what you are destined to do and are able to chase you lifelong dream the minute you turn 18 or something. If you are, bless you. You are so lucky.
The rest of us. Still figuring things out, still uncertain, still lost. The best which I could come out with, are things that I like and things that I don't. So, to make myself feel nearer to my destined path to be, I will slowly collect the things I like, chase the things I like, and it could bring me to a future which I would like it to be? Heh. You know, nice food, maths, nice buildings, nice quotes, nice people, nice places...
Recently, I've received news that I have completed my industrial training. I have thought that I would need to go for another 8 weeks of internship this summer but it turned out that now I'm free to do whatever I want to do!! woohoo! final freedom which last for 3 months. I should slowly plan it out and make it worthwhile. I should get an interesting job and earn some travelling money. I want to go for a graduation trip! somewhere overseas. heh. korea? hmm three months! what should I do with that amount of free time?
On the nearer future, my one month break is about to begin! Just one more week of exams. I shall dedicate myself to learn cooking and read for most of the times. I'll be up to any short getaways near home. And most importantly i'll be collecting things which I like, like literally.
til then. ciao.
That's why I have not matured? I don't know what I want to do. A year to graduation, I have not figured it out. Ya, its not easy to 'figure' your life out for most people. Most people are not born with a burning passion to do what you are destined to do and are able to chase you lifelong dream the minute you turn 18 or something. If you are, bless you. You are so lucky.
The rest of us. Still figuring things out, still uncertain, still lost. The best which I could come out with, are things that I like and things that I don't. So, to make myself feel nearer to my destined path to be, I will slowly collect the things I like, chase the things I like, and it could bring me to a future which I would like it to be? Heh. You know, nice food, maths, nice buildings, nice quotes, nice people, nice places...
Recently, I've received news that I have completed my industrial training. I have thought that I would need to go for another 8 weeks of internship this summer but it turned out that now I'm free to do whatever I want to do!! woohoo! final freedom which last for 3 months. I should slowly plan it out and make it worthwhile. I should get an interesting job and earn some travelling money. I want to go for a graduation trip! somewhere overseas. heh. korea? hmm three months! what should I do with that amount of free time?
On the nearer future, my one month break is about to begin! Just one more week of exams. I shall dedicate myself to learn cooking and read for most of the times. I'll be up to any short getaways near home. And most importantly i'll be collecting things which I like, like literally.
til then. ciao.
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