No pain, no gain.

gosh. things are getting serious. internship. FYP. 100 percent project based unit. just stepping into Year 3, I can feel the tension in the air. No last minute studies can save me now. No more chilling break times. No more spacing off in lectures. Every minute counts! By the end of this semester, I must be at least ready for internship and score good grades in my semester. This is all that matters.

And so we meet the seniors again. Not my favorite batch of people. Some how I feel alienated from them, with their super geniuses topics and jokes. I feel like a First Year freshie just being in the same class with them. Also, there's HIM. in every single stupid class. grrrrr testing my patience to the max. 

But oh well, I'm still gonna hate the things I don't like. The only thing I can change is my attitude. Slowly, I guess, thanks to my mentor I'll get to know the seniors better. Then maybe I'll be able to fit in.  No matter what, it will not repeat as it was in Year 2 sem 1. Where I failed in both the assignments and with the people. I'll upgrade myself, I told my friends. I'll study like fatfish if I have to. I'll swallow the unit guides in the first week. I'll treat this like how it was when I was in A levels. Also I could not fit in, and self studied the entire unit of Further Maths. I'll study freaking hard this semester.

Nothing is impossible. Expecially when my 'problems' are only so little and insignificant. ATTITUDE is the key. I'm gonna be very busy. I'm gonna work very hard. I'm gonna skip the useless lecture and camp in the library if I have to. I'm gonna bug the seniors with questions after questions. I'm gonna learn. No pain, no gain.

til then.

ciao.

new

had an inspiring and motivational lunch with my mentor today. gosh, he made me feel guilty over how I spent my holidays. he said I shouldn't chill =\ he mentioned 人生 has all 酸甜苦辣, and so we should go for bitter first, 先苦后甜。university days are the best days to try out things and test our limits. if we don't dare to do anything now, we probably won't in the future. we'll eventually get comfortable with the false sense of security and wouldn't dare change anymore. so, oh well. I should stop walking, and start running! no reason for me to slack and hold back anymore.

and why WHY are the engineering guys so nerd??? they discussed softwares, and lectures and codes over lunch, and don't seem to respond to other topics o.o how is it possible that I am the one who talk the most over lunch in a group of people. this has never happened before. 

anyways, I've decided to intern with my mentor. sounds tough, what they are doing. but sounds like its my job to find the way through it by myself, and only by this way that I'll grow. so, new circle of friends maybe? o.o new attitude and method in my studies. new aim. new direction.

This coming summer break, I shall intern, learn programming. learn to be an engineer. a real one outside the classroom. maybe, maybe I won't end up as a lecturer at all. hmm, still don't know where I'll head to.

everything is so new. I'll take some time to get used to it ^^

til then. 

ciao.

one step up

time flies. duh, proven theory right. there's only one week left until another new semester begins. I'm entering my third year. and seriously, I don't look forward to it at all. 

I don't exactly dread it. but, I feel like I haven't rest enough. I'm not quite prepared for another 12 weeks of hectic-ness and drama. and don't tell me there won't be any dramas. there will be. in my past four semesters, they all had dramas, each more dramatic than the one before. hmm. ya, so I don't know what to expect, and I don't really feel like facing them.

this one month holiday, not very eventful, but at least I have met up with all the essential people in my life. Another step closer with my old pals, and reconnect with a few whom I've lost touch with. Friends. love them. who can live without them?

Monash. not my favorite place, but hopefully with less expectations I would get delightful surprises in return? another 12 weeks to strengthen my will, to sharpen my skills, and to learn more lessons. Life lessons don't come by easily, we always learn through the hard ways. all the same, I wish for a peaceful semester. PEACEFUL, I say.

and yea, there's ELP too. but i guess i've done most of my part, so nothing much maybe? decided to pull out from D2Y, for far too many reasons, 可惜。and mostly, I shall focus more on reading, I guess. spend whatever free time I have on reading, until I pick up the habit again.

til then.

ciao

整理

time to clean the dust gathered on my blog skin. ya i've been missing because holidays is here. and yes, there's no stopping the laze from setting in. ahaha.

anyways, been under the weather for the last two days, which makes me wanna laze even more. I'm so tired to do anything even though my to-do list is still unchecked. 

so this is what i felt when holidays approached. from anticipation, to disappointment, to submittal, to closure (when the trip got cancelled). and when the holidays arrived, I went from feeling relieved (having freed from studies at last ), to feeling emo (always happen when I suddenly have nothing to do), to acceptance, then adaption.

I don't know what I want to express. but you know? recently I'm feeling like I just let things slide. I used to be a nosy noisy person looking for trouble. always persisting and digging into the things that i disagree with. stubborn, you could say. but now, I just let things slide. i just see less importance. just less and less. is that growing up? is that upgrading my EQ. or is that submittal to the circumstances. 

some things, I'm really really uncomfortable with. I wanted to confront them, but there are always uncertainties and buts. and so I decided to let it be for a while and put more thought on it afterwards. and then, I grew comfortable with it. I grew comfortable with the things that I don't like that caused me distress. is it temporary forgetfulness that caused me to not be bothered anymore? or is it that I really grew out of it and became okay with it just by just passing time. it scares me sometimes how I could be comfortable with things just so easily. it makes me think if i should stay bothered and confront it when I had the chance then.

一样的心态，对什么样的事情，应该都会有一样的结果。所以，是我心态的问题，还是。本就是如此。

maybe. some things become less important because we need to shift our focus onto the ones which are more important. maybe, that's what I have to figure out. at this stage, this time, what are the important things? those which truly matter.

okay. I know now. when you find yourself putting less importance on the things that you used to emphasize on, rejoice. don't dwell on it and move on to the ones that still bother and still matter to you. it's your feelings telling you that you should move on.

lol. takes me two hours to think this through. hmm. okay. I'm fine now ^^

til then.

ciao