You would try all sorts of methods in the world to solve the mystery, all sorts of ways to find the answers, to find happiness, to find love and to find meaning. yet, you can't find them. you've tried almost everything. ALMOST. and often, the answer is just sitting there, right next to you, and its the simplest of all. But, we're ALWAYS distracted by irrelevant stuff, tonnes of them, until we can't seemed to find the right answer we're looking for. Even if we're aware of it, we STILL waste time on them. some because they give us temporary pleasures, some because we're simply lazy. some because we're too afraid to face our fears. and more often, when we FINALLY get the answers we want, the damage has been done. someone has got hurt. regrets have been made. there will always be a scar.
sometimes humans just make the dumbest mistakes over and over again. we have millennium of ancestors lining up before us. They even painstakingly record their stories in countless books and journals. yet, here we are, the humans generations after generations, broken, corrupted, suffering, angry, afraid, and never fulfilled.
Seriously, sometimes humans just act so stupidly I wanna slap them. Its like we're living our lives in a brain dead or half sleeping state. most of the things just past by right in front of our eyes without us knowing. We don't pay attention to the world we're living in. most of the things we do is just for the sake of doing, half heartedly, filled with discontentment. then, how, HOW THE HELL are you suppose to look for what you want??
Humans are expressive creatures. EXPRESS YOURSELF. that SHOULD be the main thing what the schools should teach. often, problems are caused not because of lacking expertise, but of miscommunication, misunderstanding, disagreement, missing information, etc. and these causes frustration, anger, discontentment, and all sorts of negative energy which would be transferred to even more people and then ka booom! everyone explodes! if we can all express ourselves properly and accurately, and everyone pays attention, everybody would know what everybody wants, then we all might just live happily ever after.
yet again, being a human is no easy task. it's so tiring at times I just wanna throw everything away. its a journey looking for what you want. and being clueless and hopelessly lost in the first few decades of your life is freakinggggg frustrating.
it's fast, but I'm feeling sort of bored again. the momentum is sorta gone and I really need another boost. the camp thingy is giving me less than i expected. mostly because i think they took in too much manpower than needed. unnecessary delays and discussion prolonging decision making process. maybe, I shall turn into the books I've collected but had not the chance to read.
all I know is, if I live through the shits today, i'll come out from the other end a little bit stronger. a little bit.
you know what's the secret? it's to have joy in the things you do. not to seek experience, money, fun, or any sort of purpose, just enjoying the things you do in pure joy. then, all the insecurity, lack of confidence, self pity would be gone just like that. =D
find joy, and you'll be on the right path.
til then.
chaoz~
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