mango

i have an inspiration, indeed. after weeks racking my brain on how should i include secret codes, or how should i put the 'do not read aloud' sign in my blog post, just so my blog can be a little more private, the OBVIOUS solution came to me today. how have i not thought about it earlier??? the solution is..... type in CHINESE!! wahaha. simple yet perfect. more than half on my uni friends can't read or write Chinese, this would work well. imma genius. =D

but. I'm not that bad la. and I'm more comfortable typing in English. I'll just put in few sentences in Chinese.lol.

ya. mango. a term my friends came out with, which more or less summarise who and how i am. lol. I've spend years writing and blogging about how typical Chinese educated i am, how Chinese i act, how Chinese i live, and never encounter one simple term that summarise it all. MANGO. so lame yet so true. i'm proud and at the same time frustrated to be such a mango. typical mango quality: hardworking, self-motivated, responsible, closed minded?, traditional, kia su, honest...i dunno, there's pros and cons. all i know is, to be an engineer, a mango certainly couldn't work, at least its not enough to excel la. and i don't even know if i want to excel or not. oops.

何去何从??? once again, i'm lost. now that i'm living again, i'm encountering countless, different, unique human characters every single day. some which i can never understand, some i don't like, and some that i've hoped for all my life that i would have. lol. at this age, pre-adult age, trying to change and grow and go for the better. but, at the same time, everything is contradicting each other. my values and others, others values and my family's. its not like i have a sensei to ask for answers everytime this happens. its always me myself trying to figure out, stuck in between, and finally let it pass as if its nothing. there's always too many limitations. sometimes, i really really want to delete my whole personality, CHOOSE the character i want, and reset the whole thing all over again.

but then, here i am, still. slightly retarded, always too revealing, and easily scammed. lol. the best prey for everyone. haih. FACADE. how long have i been working on it? ever since i've encountered this term. damn phhhaaaaiil...

hmmm. but at least, as a mango, i'll always have the heart to continue to work for what i want. to have faith. to never give up. to believe.

when everything suddenly slows down, thoughts from nowhere came crashing into my mind. blog is where i unbottle it, arrange and reorganize it, so it'll be empty again to do other stuff.

far future always gives me the creeps. while near future always keep me busy from thinking about it.

step by step. one step at a time. taking baby steps. that's what i'll do for now =]

til then.

chaoz~