BLUE and RED

haha.i think this the the best post title i had, ever. hrm..anyway, i just got counselled today, by the person who called me in my previous post. haha. first, thanks him a lot!!i got a much much clearer picture of the exits where the path i chose leads to.

so, engineering. apparently, i'm suitable for it after all! phew, a great relieve. the designing of circuit or system, researching, testing, improvising. isn't that my hobby or not?haha. but apparently, although i will like it, people will get sick of it eventually after few years doing the same thing stuck in the office. some choose to leave and go into sales instead, and start a small business of selling chemicals, for instance. and you who is left behind would start to think about leaving soon too, when all the people around you went away and get a better pay outside the office. hrm. the other route is go into management, climb the corporate ladder. BUT, i need to be prepared for the social skill thingy, facade, communicating, facade, network building and stuff, and be PRO at it. aiks. sound so tough for me as a BLUE person.

hmm. or, quit the engineering world, all the adventures and possibilities, and settle down educating the younger generations instead, as a lecturer. or, continue with studying and researching until i achieve the great position as a PE?? or, quit the job thing once and for all, and stay at home as a full time housewife.lol. this is so NOT an option.

hmm..so which do i want?perfect career life or great family supporter? apparently, i need to decide now so i can focus on polishing the skills i need in these last four years of education before i step into total chaos of the outside world. its now or never.

i tell you what i want. i want BALANCE. hrm. and this is actually a tough position to be into. and why is that?because i'm OKAY with anything. i can be stuck in a office forever designing great stuff. i can start a business if i have a partner and be organised with it. i can be lecturer and be happy with youngsters. i can do part time job and live more for my future family. lol. and if i'm just okay with everything, i would not excel in anything. i would not focus and give my best to whatever i'm doing. and again, stuck in the centre, weird, middle range. this is what the 'BALANCE' i want would turn out.

see??see how bad it would be??so i have to push myself from now. bear in mind what would turn out if i don't give my best. and really really FOCUS in what i HAVE to do now. ya. my red colour. improve my red colour!!!my blue is more than enough, maybe i even won't need to work that hard to graduate as an engineer. but my RED. only freaking four years left to work with it. its do or die. i DON'T want to be a nerdy engineer who is stuck in her post and friendless forever. ( choi! btw.) apparently my 'redness' is BELOW the passing rate. aiks. i so don't want this. i wasn't like this. its the freaking bloody nerdy stupid a levels which made me turn out like this in these past two years. i was a leader. i was brave. i was active. i was SOCIAL. long ago. it should be still in me. i just need to awaken it once again. the passion to bond with people, to care, to love and to believe.

RED RED!!GO RED!!

i'm on the highway already. the 'ENGINEERING' highway. i still don't know which exit i would take that i'll be on for the rest of my life. but i know to get til the end, 'RED' is my essential catalyst. it'll craft my way and lead me to a life i can cope with, no matter what the obstacles are. i've known this for a long time already, but only in my brain. today, i've listen to exact words of my greatest failure thrown at my face by other people. its time for the problem to be faced and to be solved. its time to shape myself to a better, stronger, braver, greater person. IN THESE FOUR YEARS.

hmph. i can do it. i must do it. i must change. i must not eat my own words.

chaoz for now. til then.