okay. so this one year is almost drawing to an end. and this one year, it seems so fast, that everything seems to be a blurr..Age 18, first year into adulthood. everything yet so new, yet so fun, college freedom awaits me, a culture that i never step into before..trying to get out, trying to fit in, trying to excel...
a whole year struggle. seemed to have achieve something, teaching at a tuition centre, earning my own pocket money, meeting new people, eating expensive food, getting out, getting home late, staying out, eating out, traveling alone, decision making, planning, self studying...or so it seemed..it the mist of it, some how felt I'm getting further from what I've wanted to achieve. what i wanted to be seemed did not give me the satisfaction i want..some how i just felt i was drifting away, far far away..
hmmm. year of 18. not the best year i have. seem to have spent too much time thinking, spent too much time worrying, spent too much time wandering.....of course, its undeniable the year which I've grew up most. I've grown so fast that i could not really catch up with my own change of mind, realisation of principles, meanings in life. sometimes what i realised seem to amaze myself, something mature that i only hope some adult would teach me so much much earlier..brought up by single parentage really does make a difference some how..
its a lonely journey. this 1 year. lonelier than I've ever felt. everything changed too fast and when i hurry to flow along and catch up with it, i left my true self behind. note that I've been the quiet girl where ever i go this year?I thought I've cured that finally after 3 years in secondary.
this 1 year, when holiday approaches, i have no feelings for whom or what so ever. no ones need second telling bout the contrast of last year's emotions when the same year end holiday approaches.
so, I've finally blog again. its like realisation finally hit, or maybe another year's end gave me yet another hope. so when next year comes again, I'll be ready, and again anticipating to face another 365 days all over again. and of course, this inspiration to blog also came from a friend, when i revised my inbox. this though, will remain as a secret. hee!!i can't believe how much I've missed out this year. friends. family. I'll on msn more from now on i think=]
the good thing is, when you've disappeared, you'll start to resurface again=] (sounds ridiculous i know, but the point i want to make is definitely there!) tonight, i feel happy to be honest with my blog and readers, it is ALWAYS nice to share some pleasant thoughts=] )
til then.
chaoz~
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