dear blog

dear blog, how i wish i can confide anything i like here. but always thoughts after thoughts came to me when i wanna blog about so de idea is always n always put off.

well. tonight. nothing to do. since i did further maths for de whole day, i can't do it for the night again right??anyway, recently demotivated again..guess that's always de reason i finally turn to my blog huh?guess i dun always jot down happy thoughts or i just don't have that many happy thoughts. haha. recently i feel old. always like feelingless. or dunno how to say. i'm not like when i'm a kid, loud, bossy n reckless n carefree. i'm not like when i'm at high skul, always worring, rushing, panicking, nagging. coz, there's nothing dat i care that much. or maybe i just clamed down already. laughing less smiling less. these few days larh. bet its coz i'm too free. i have to live busy n live tough...can't really enjoy the easy ways n easy talks..

anyway. i dunno the art of talking. sometimes i just can't fit into de topic. as in my brain totally reject the topic and dunno how to mix in. sometimes i can't stop talking. n all de stupid thoughts secret no secret flow outwithout filtering. what a mess. actually dis prob have been on a long long time.. aiks. so maybe talking less now is better coz i won't say wrong stuff.hee. yala yala.that's a wrong thought. i have to change de way i think n talk. oh well. everythings crap again. my blog is no fun to read anymore. coz one of the main prob is i dun apreciate photos like i did last time. i dun even bother to bring a camera to an occasion these days.

alright. i'll give u something fun to read. haha. anw, these few days many memories came back. yep partly coz of genting trip. other than de clubbing part n the night walking part, genting is more or less de same. brought back many memories. sweet memories=] de starbucks at de lobby is still the best place to gossip in de midnight with few close frens. n i particularly remember de night when i n shen 'fled' away from the guys room due to some incident. and the gossiping part at de corridor...sweet.

so de experinice with mas 1 is much more diff den what i thought it would be. genting. just de name of it make many people think its a boring n neverchanging place. guessed i forgot the big difference that we're all 18, or 17++, NEVER once in my mind i thought that my classmates actually have de idea to go clubbing. aiks. and a big idea of it too. they brought dresses n make up n stuff. where i simply borrowed a skirt from mei yee just so i can get in to 'open eye'...
ok.after all efforts made to smuggle in. some how the whole mas 1 manage to get in the disco under de security's eye. bravo to that, really. oh well. i really did 'open' my eye alright. all de smoke n beer n loud music. at the start i can still bear with it. observing the band on stage instead of noticing their ridiculously loud music. people talk n stuff. we sat at a isolated space, so not much smoke actually got to us...

but then,past midnight, its a craze. the lightings go from little colours to stupid flashes. flash flash flash.n it don't stop there. de music goes BOM BOM BOM. i was like,so now THIS is the real clubbing, . oh well. everybody go dancing. i tried, a while. and failed. i just can't let go or go crazy. jump jump jump n swing ur hand in de air.. and that's de only thing u can do. really. coz there's so many people squashed together TRYING to dance.coz jumping is not dancing right?? n since u can't dance by swaying side to side, because of the limited space n de big big crowd. u have to dance by jumping up n down vertically to save space, occasionally stomping on somonce foot, baning into ppl n knocking into people. which, none of those even make sense. n on de dance floor de lighting n music was even unbearble.by 2 thirty or some what like that. i fled. fled from de crowd n smoke n noisen lightings. literally, fled..i practically ran back to my hotel room, with a key i rummaged out from shu huey's bag out of desperation. whocares i have to get back to 1st world hotel alone. anything just to get away from that scary place. oh well, so much for sweet 18. don't think i enjoyed de privilages much.haha.

oh well. guess i'm indeed a jakun, further maths obsessed girl. can't even stand clubbing for even a night. n considered dat i din actually do 'clubbing' , but just 'see' clubbing. n tried n failed to swing with de so-call-music a bit. oh well. can't help it.

hmmm.what's de heck with the order of this post??its a mess. from emo thoughts to so call memories den a looong complain bout clubbing.aikss. guessed that's me blogging.
hope its not much a burden for u to read.

well.til then.

chaoz~