觉悟书。

来写篇久违的华文吧。是时候觉悟了。最近的功课都给我搞个乱七八糟了。又或者是抄个乱七八糟-.- 惨！真是有够惨的。 

到底在想什么？读这个大学又不是很便宜。可是大口大口地花老爸的钱来的。竟然还敢三心两意？竟然还敢把书乱念一通。过意的去吗？ 

电子。不是我乱选的。是考虑又考虑才选的。适合我，才选的。因为我可以，才选的。竟然给一个电脑语言吓到了？还想成为优良学生的说-.- 

高二，以为很轻松？觉悟了才会来读吧！一定要全心全意，下苦功，发奋去念，才念得成的。你以为？？ 

哎。这个学期，没尽全力，是真的。想了多余的事，想着太多的玩，分心了。完全分心了。 

觉悟吧！路走到一半，因为辛苦了不代表要放弃。因为周围变了不代表要走回头。坚持到底，抱着希望。会来，会成的，会自己来。 

妈咪啊。想你了。

changes

breathe in. breathe out. breathe in. breathe out. and YES i WILL survive DIGITALSSSSS. roar.

not just digitals. the whole electrical thing is evolving so fast i am starting to freak out. a glimpse at some seniors report/coding/conversation. Year 3 electives. I don't even know what is what. Internship. Assignments. I'm so used to copying already i feel more and more stupid O.O EVERYTHING is freaking me out.

also, Year two is a sem with MUCH changes. almost the whole circle of people from my usual uni life has changed. I'm now often surrounded with SMART NERDY PRO SENIORS. and the rest of the electrical guys. and as the sem moves on, imma gonna have to blend right into that circle. O.O

oh yes. there are changes. and yes, things aren't the same. and yes, i'm freaking out A LOT. imma gonna survive. sigh.

another few things i found about myself. i'm not that capable. yet. and, my facade sucks like a shit's shit. STILL. ergh. imma too easy to read. and that's never a good thing.

aza aza hwaitinggg!! himnae!!!

til then.

chaoz~

frustration

recently, I'm living in this very high stress level. why so? no one to blame but myself. I'm finally suffering from all my slacking-ness, on-ness, lecture-skipping-ness and chill-ness. OOPS. shit. freakinggggg shit. I'm really quite worried for my finals. aaaaaaaaa.

that aside, something weird is going on between me and the group. I have no idea how did it come about, but yea, I think someone hates me. sigh. bye bye contented feeling. on the comforting side, I think the rest of my world is still loving me all the same, so, I'm still fine. 

The last two weeks of the semester, I'm all stressed up, restless, high pressured, tensed, worried, frustrated, pek chek, maybe a little hysterical, even. No, i won't just break down, yet. Barney Stinson said,"if you're sad, stop being sad and be awesome instead." so, i guess i'll have to be really really really awesome, if you know what i mean.  

thankful for the upcoming gatherings with the zoo, and hopefully pmo this week. times like this, i need a REAL break from the uni life @@ All the stress is NOT healthy for my mental state at all. =/

ROARRRR and the almighty ultimate nerd is ready to go!! this time, i really DO hope that i'm the ultimate nerd. arghhh. 

may everything be smooth and fine as we rush towards the finishing line of the semester. 

hwaitinggg. 

times like this, we need

stress ball!!!!!!!!

til then. 

chaoz~

The world in HD

I sorta hate this adult world sometimes. Everything is so clear now. its like the world is running in HD. We finally understand how the world runs. One thing for sure, everyone has a reason. Never thought of that when you're younger, right? So now everything has a purpose of its own. and also everyone is considerably smart. everybody is sensitive and aware of any slight differences. Especially the persons you know well, one look and you would know they all have opinions of their own. and sometimes it creates this pressure. its so hard to just hide anything. sometimes, even harder to just ignore. Ignorance is bliss. so, say goodbye to all the blissfulness we once had.

tiring. this uni world. more and more tiring perhaps? since more and more adult we've become. Hope all the stress and pressure won't force us into bitterness by the end. it's hard to keep the pure, lively, happy kid in us alive when the world just come crashing down everyday. 

we're battling with the world, the system every day. suffocating sometimes, but that's more the reason to seek for those that truly matters perhaps? to find worth.

what are friends for? friends are the ones who annoy you, bully you, make fun of you, yet you'll forgive them eventually. friends sometimes disappoint you, make you really mad sometimes, yet, you'll forgive them eventually. friends are the ones who still stick to you even though they've grown tired of you. friends are the ones who would still forgive you even when they are annoyed by you or you did something bad. Friends are those whom you won't mind troubling, and also won't mind you bothering them. also, friends are the ones who won't allow you to get mad at them at peace. That's how things eventually sort out, I think? anyhow, you'd grow into it, good or bad. if i've gotten really mad at you before, i would say that we really are friends. if you've said valid harsh things to me before, you're my friend too. lol.




mehhhh PMS is killing me. and, EXACTLY THREE WEEKS TO FINALS!!! i better catch up real quick on digitals. damnnnnnn.




p/s: weird that i've typed this yesterday, considering whether to post it, and it ALL applies to today. so, fated, perhaps.




til then.




chaoz~

some things

some things, I do not enjoy as much as some others. some times, I wanna be quiet just as it is. some people, I would not get them at all. some ways, I don't see how it would make it through. 

it's mid sem break. and the first response of most people is hoooorayyyyy!!!! and five minutes later, it's restlessness, sienness, laziness and emoness. lol, all the same, I noticed, including myself. yet, its just the 'culture shock' I think? I'm pretty sure everyone would enjoy themselves and settle down just as well in the next few days. 

anyways, I'm seeing the huge difference in the people I'm mixing with. le Pmo, le zoo, le chs, le uni people. lol. sometimes, I'm not even sure how did I fit in. or, did I?? 

also. I'm sensing submittal in myself. or maybe I'm already like that since long ago? anyhow it's more clear now and I sometimes find myself accepting a little too quickly. is it even good or? or maybe it has became a habit already =\ and seriously, I would never know what to do with myself. 

engineering. 是祸是福，嫣然不知。 

so. an yeong people!! hwaitinggg. enjoy. have joy. and hope with all your heart. even your wishes would not or might not come true, it's still healthy for your heart to hope =D 

til then. 

chaoz~

Brain Teaser

Life is like a brain teaser. 

You would try all sorts of methods in the world to solve the mystery, all sorts of ways to find the answers, to find happiness, to find love and to find meaning. yet, you can't find them. you've tried almost everything. ALMOST. and often, the answer is just sitting there, right next to you, and its the simplest of all. But, we're ALWAYS distracted by irrelevant stuff, tonnes of them, until we can't seemed to find the right answer we're looking for. Even if we're aware of it, we STILL waste time on them. some because they give us temporary pleasures, some because we're simply lazy. some because we're too afraid to face our fears. and more often, when we FINALLY get the answers we want, the damage has been done. someone has got hurt. regrets have been made. there will always be a scar. 

sometimes humans just make the dumbest mistakes over and over again. we have millennium of ancestors lining up before us. They even painstakingly record their stories in countless books and journals. yet, here we are, the humans generations after generations, broken, corrupted, suffering, angry, afraid, and never fulfilled.  

Seriously, sometimes humans just act so stupidly I wanna slap them. Its like we're living our lives in a brain dead or half sleeping state. most of the things just past by right in front of our eyes without us knowing. We don't pay attention to the world we're living in. most of the things we do is just for the sake of doing, half heartedly, filled with discontentment. then, how, HOW THE HELL are you suppose to look for what you want??

Humans are expressive creatures. EXPRESS YOURSELF. that SHOULD be the main thing what the schools should teach. often, problems are caused not because of lacking expertise, but of miscommunication, misunderstanding, disagreement, missing information, etc. and these causes frustration, anger, discontentment, and all sorts of negative energy which would be transferred to even more people and then ka booom! everyone explodes! if we can all express ourselves properly and accurately, and everyone pays attention, everybody would know what everybody wants, then we all might just live happily ever after. 

yet again, being a human is no easy task. it's so tiring at times I just wanna throw everything away. its a journey looking for what you want. and being clueless and hopelessly lost in the first few decades of your life is freakinggggg frustrating. 

it's fast, but I'm feeling sort of bored again. the momentum is sorta gone and I really need another boost. the camp thingy is giving me less than i expected. mostly because i think they took in too much manpower than needed. unnecessary delays and discussion prolonging decision making process. maybe, I shall turn into the books I've collected but had not the chance to read.  

all I know is, if I live through the shits today, i'll come out from the other end a little bit stronger. a little bit. 

you know what's the secret? it's to have joy in the things you do. not to seek experience, money, fun, or any sort of purpose, just enjoying the things you do in pure joy. then, all the insecurity, lack of confidence, self pity would be gone just like that. =D

find joy, and you'll be on the right path.

til then. 

chaoz~

contented

hi. it's been good recently. though most of my studies are still in a screwed up condition? lol. looks like, I have sort of 'leveled' up? not affected though I'm having trouble with my studies @@ 

okay. so why am I in such a contented mode? hmm. first of all, I'm having good food. if my tummy's happy, I'm happy =D  

next, it's the weather. I'm happy if it is raining! no heat, no pimples, hence
nice skin, you see =D 

and life has been happening. the 'on' mode for outings and gatherings, meetings, even farewells and also exercise. ahaha. how happening, you'd ask? WE PLAYED BADMINTON IN FRONT OF THE AUDITORIUM AT MIDNIGHT AT MONASH. thats how happening it is =D 

and of course the main reason, is the people around me. I'm happy with the people around me. simple and small things i see keep me happy always. imma surrounded with positive energy!!! =D my family, uni, and mostly uni. ok, enough elaboration here. fill in the details however you like =p 

til then. 

chaoz~