odd that how just the first three days of university life can bring up so much thoughts. seriously, its so complicated.
lol. could i even survive? the work load. i look at the electrical equipments in the lab. DC generator, multimeter, function generator, oscilloscope. and a voice in my head goes, " THIS is what i've gone for. THIS is the start to my future. THIS is what i should like. THIS is what i have to be good at." hrm. doubts? of course got lo. but, quite confident i could do well. hmmm.
just a glance across the lecture hall. GUYS. seriously. guys guys guys. memang a guy DOMINANT course. something I've almost forgotten in this 3 months holidays. its makes obvious difference from the normal world. there are GUYS-ONLY gangs everywhere. there's GUYS' topics everywhere: technology, gym, games, lame jokes, technology, gym, games, lame jokes........i know its a bad summary of topics, but, the point is there, okay? =p
so, back to this all-guy-mostly-bananas-very-adult-like-and-complicated-world, wondered how i even survived last semester? lol. seriously it could look really REALLY scary to a normal girl. even scared me a little. i'm thinking, what have i become? why would i turn out like this? why am i so different from a typical definition of a girl.
ya. it scared me. didn't think that i would get scared in my second semester, when i'm not in my first. scared me when i see so many brilliant-looking-more-engineer-like GUYS around me.
BUT. i could still do well. some how. ya, i could.
we'll see =)
til then.
chaoz
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
DREAMING. PLAYING. RESTING
a long break I had. now it's ending, it's time to go forward again, to learn, to live, to know, to grow. no matter how anticipated, how scared, how excited, how doubtful I am, what is coming will come. it's time to press the play button, after a loooooong pause.
so here I am, arranging my feelings before I start off working again.
this holidays, regrettably, though I kinda enjoyed it ( oops!) , is filled by watching TONNES of drama. hee. ditched whatever plans I've wanted to do, including studying some history and participating in some course or work. ended up discovering how to use the pps app in my iPad and off I go watching dramas day and night. LOL.
I seldom watch dramas. during my study days, I don't really make time to follow whatever dramas there is, on line or on tv. so this 3 months long holidays, I've been kinda like catching up with ALL the dramas dating back to few years ago.
as usual, when I'm stuck with something, I engross myself in it. Not just doing them when i have the mood or during free time, i engross myself in them day and night, in one long shot. Such things like sewing, doing further maths, studying, drawing, reading, reading manga, music ( both playing and listening). Regrettably again, this time, it's dramas. kinda crazy and unhealthy routine I had, following dramas episode after episode.
The LIST :
City Hunter, Secret Garden, Dream High, 还珠格格I，还珠格格II，还珠格格III，义海豪情，潜行狙击，鱼跃在花见，法政先锋III，爱情公寓II，Lie To Me, 狗与狼的时间，一枝梅，原来是美男啊，My Girl, 恶作剧之吻， How I Met Your Mother, Lord Of The Rings (though its not technically a dram, its still 9 hours worth =p).
oops. not a short list. kinda an accomplishment huh? 19 dramas in 3 months. if i haven't left out anything. and I didn't get nothing of it k? I got several AWESOME songs. and I kinda got some inspiration out of them k? when I follow dramas, I don't just watch, I FEEL them, I ANALYSE them even, I think. I even DREAM them. LOL. same like anything which I had engrossed in.
not trying to justify myself watching tonnes of dramas, just that, I REALLY enjoyed them. haha.
this holiday, surprisingly, I did not follow many mangas. Suddenly, I'm just not very interested anymore. I don't even reread my Conan comics like every other holidays. I can't even finish code breaker or saiyuki. looks like I've finally overcome this addiction. even deleted the manga app without any hard feelings. LOL.
same as this, my addiction to dramas will end here. time to engross in other stuff. there's a whole new semester ahead. there's a whole new lot to learn and to know and to grow.
this time, instead of things and matters, I'll try to engross in human related stuff. as in my redness. I really have the determination and heart to really work on it this time, hopefully it's enough for me to improve, just little by little will do.
人、事、物。guess I'm just good at the last one, and suck at the first one. not even sure what i am going to do with the second one. hrm. lots of work I have indeed.
it was my birthday just days ago. means that I'm already 20, no longer a teenager, no matter how I have dreaded it, it's as much a fact already as heat of the sun. awesome, right? hmm. I don't know, really. feels like things are just as it is, at the same time, they aren't.
20 years of history I have. people I know, people who know me, people from the past. There's so many of them. this holiday is also a 'season for gatherings'. Met so many people from the past, not even sure what am I going to say to them. that we aren't close like old days anymore?share stories of today? how much have we changed? some of everything I guess. though a bit nostalgic, a little regrets, a bit awkward, it is delightful to meet up with every of them, still. after all, treasured memories we had.
再重新的认识每一位, is the meaning of the gatherings, I think.
I had done that, thankfully, to a handful of friends. THANK GOD we kept in touch, 重新认识老朋友 is awesome. more awesome than getting to know new friends. looks like there's not only things like 'knowing new friends' and 'keeping old friends' , there's still 'knowing old friends all over again'. LOL. what kinda crap I've came out with. haha.
so, the target has become a little more clearer I guess.
aza aza hwaiting!!!! BAXIA!!
p/s: next holiday, imma gonna watch 大长今 again. =p
til then. muacks. =D
Sunday, February 12, 2012
its february @@
its February already. means i'm gonna be officially TWENTY soon. NOOOOOOOOOOOO~
ya, I admit I'm immature still, an increase in my age does not make much difference. and i can foresee that this year could be a very sad year. why? because there will be MORE partings this year. the rest of my friends will be flying to overseas this year, joining those who are already at the other side of the earth. and for them being at overseas for the second year, maybe having settled or being busy with their lives, maybe this year they won't even be coming back to visit. who knows some might just stay permanently over there? =( further and further apart we become.......
February, also a month for those who flew here to fly back to their studies overseas once again. and so the "year-end-gathering-season" is coming to an end. we'll meet again, after a whole year, and i could only wish and pray that we won't be more apart than we already are.
February, my own studies here resumes. going back to my banana world, that is. haha. kinda looking forward to it, since i already have pigged for three whole months. and i'm going to make my university life worth living. some how.
a circle have comes to an end, at the same time, its a beginning for another whole new cycle.
真的不喜欢分离。相聚的时候，那短短的几个小时、几句闲聊谈话，怎样才能为我们当时相处的日子、所建下的友谊、默契，继续地巩固下去？多少时间浪费在客套、尴尬上。 只能希望相聚的时间长一点点，让相聚变成相处，重新认识当年的每一个我们。
真的真的要珍惜相处的时候。你们是多么的宝贵。
ya, I admit I'm immature still, an increase in my age does not make much difference. and i can foresee that this year could be a very sad year. why? because there will be MORE partings this year. the rest of my friends will be flying to overseas this year, joining those who are already at the other side of the earth. and for them being at overseas for the second year, maybe having settled or being busy with their lives, maybe this year they won't even be coming back to visit. who knows some might just stay permanently over there? =( further and further apart we become.......
February, also a month for those who flew here to fly back to their studies overseas once again. and so the "year-end-gathering-season" is coming to an end. we'll meet again, after a whole year, and i could only wish and pray that we won't be more apart than we already are.
February, my own studies here resumes. going back to my banana world, that is. haha. kinda looking forward to it, since i already have pigged for three whole months. and i'm going to make my university life worth living. some how.
a circle have comes to an end, at the same time, its a beginning for another whole new cycle.
真的不喜欢分离。相聚的时候，那短短的几个小时、几句闲聊谈话，怎样才能为我们当时相处的日子、所建下的友谊、默契，继续地巩固下去？多少时间浪费在客套、尴尬上。 只能希望相聚的时间长一点点，让相聚变成相处，重新认识当年的每一个我们。
真的真的要珍惜相处的时候。你们是多么的宝贵。
Saturday, February 4, 2012
根
那天，抱着一个懒洋洋的心情和大伙儿回了咱们的小学。
见到了故时的老师，就报上名来，一时也忘了最后一次探望老师们其实是整整八年以前的事，老师们不认得我们也理所当然。所以，就开始和老师说起种种＂当年事迹＂，说我们是哪年哪年级的同学，说我是惠娥的女儿。看着老师深深凝望着我的脸孔，努力地思考、想像，才从＂一脸疑惑＂，到＂有些印象＂，终于＂恍然大悟＂。然后，更是又惊又喜地感叹我们长得多大、多高、个个变了俊男美女、多么与当年的我们不一样。再来就是千般万般的关心我们上了那间大学，家人好不好，姐妹几大了，种种问候寒暄。
又见到了好几位老师，一样重复了整个＂过程＂。竟然莫名地兴奋了起来，也很稀少地提起兴致地交谈起来。特别享受的是老师们那好奇、疑惑，至恍然大悟、惊喜、一直研究者我们的面容的---眼神。可能好久没受到这种注目了吧，可能好久没人因我的出现而这般的惊喜，心里竟然得意了。
在学校的各个角落，都绕了一回。好像寻宝似的，寻找那些年，我们所留下的痕迹。图书馆外，仍有当年我们集体画的壁画；辅导室外，有我画来设计布告栏的人画，画的是我的妈妈和一位老师；图书馆里，竟然也收着我们以前做的剪报；食堂让我们想起那一次我们不知何故而引发的一场＂食物战争＂；舞台和礼堂，给了我们很多比赛、表演、做司仪、后台工作的回忆；办公室也是我常呆着等妈妈放工的地方，给我的印象是很冷，有很多大人，有时开食物派对的地方。
最意外的收获是我们竟然找着了许多许多我们小时候的照片。我们根本不知道会有那么多的照片收藏在图书馆里，从三年级的、在各种场合的照片都有。看到我们与各位同窗小时候的照片：运动会、话剧、上课、做司仪时的、服装表演。。。真让我们又开怀大笑、又欣慰。我还得回了一张我演着济公的相片，这么丑的一张照片留在母校真是有点损坏我的面容。好在终于归还于我了，免得落在他人手里，到时我还有面子可言的？呵。
再看看一同前往的同伴，突然发现他们不只是一班＂和我就读同一所小学的同窗＂，而是一班＂互相看着大家长大的老老朋友＂。转眼间已经十二、三年了，好难得，竟然还保持着联络。
回到了小学，仿佛看到了当年的自己，当年纯真的思想，当年的简单。放学铃声响起，一大群小学生从我们身旁、全部矮矮的、如鱼贯水地挤了出去，更突出了我们现在的高大、我们与当年相比的改头换面，提醒不再是小孩的我们。
原只是为了拜访母校的我们，反而好像经历了一个走回童年时光的旅程。这一次，让我想起来、记起来、清清楚楚看到了我的根，我在这长大路程的始点。
回母校的这一段感言，不用母语写的话一定带不出当时的感觉。
很珍惜、很感恩我这一段童年的回忆。
见到了故时的老师，就报上名来，一时也忘了最后一次探望老师们其实是整整八年以前的事，老师们不认得我们也理所当然。所以，就开始和老师说起种种＂当年事迹＂，说我们是哪年哪年级的同学，说我是惠娥的女儿。看着老师深深凝望着我的脸孔，努力地思考、想像，才从＂一脸疑惑＂，到＂有些印象＂，终于＂恍然大悟＂。然后，更是又惊又喜地感叹我们长得多大、多高、个个变了俊男美女、多么与当年的我们不一样。再来就是千般万般的关心我们上了那间大学，家人好不好，姐妹几大了，种种问候寒暄。
又见到了好几位老师，一样重复了整个＂过程＂。竟然莫名地兴奋了起来，也很稀少地提起兴致地交谈起来。特别享受的是老师们那好奇、疑惑，至恍然大悟、惊喜、一直研究者我们的面容的---眼神。可能好久没受到这种注目了吧，可能好久没人因我的出现而这般的惊喜，心里竟然得意了。
在学校的各个角落，都绕了一回。好像寻宝似的，寻找那些年，我们所留下的痕迹。图书馆外，仍有当年我们集体画的壁画；辅导室外，有我画来设计布告栏的人画，画的是我的妈妈和一位老师；图书馆里，竟然也收着我们以前做的剪报；食堂让我们想起那一次我们不知何故而引发的一场＂食物战争＂；舞台和礼堂，给了我们很多比赛、表演、做司仪、后台工作的回忆；办公室也是我常呆着等妈妈放工的地方，给我的印象是很冷，有很多大人，有时开食物派对的地方。
最意外的收获是我们竟然找着了许多许多我们小时候的照片。我们根本不知道会有那么多的照片收藏在图书馆里，从三年级的、在各种场合的照片都有。看到我们与各位同窗小时候的照片：运动会、话剧、上课、做司仪时的、服装表演。。。真让我们又开怀大笑、又欣慰。我还得回了一张我演着济公的相片，这么丑的一张照片留在母校真是有点损坏我的面容。好在终于归还于我了，免得落在他人手里，到时我还有面子可言的？呵。
再看看一同前往的同伴，突然发现他们不只是一班＂和我就读同一所小学的同窗＂，而是一班＂互相看着大家长大的老老朋友＂。转眼间已经十二、三年了，好难得，竟然还保持着联络。
回到了小学，仿佛看到了当年的自己，当年纯真的思想，当年的简单。放学铃声响起，一大群小学生从我们身旁、全部矮矮的、如鱼贯水地挤了出去，更突出了我们现在的高大、我们与当年相比的改头换面，提醒不再是小孩的我们。
原只是为了拜访母校的我们，反而好像经历了一个走回童年时光的旅程。这一次，让我想起来、记起来、清清楚楚看到了我的根，我在这长大路程的始点。
回母校的这一段感言，不用母语写的话一定带不出当时的感觉。
很珍惜、很感恩我这一段童年的回忆。
 |
| 某年某日，那些年我们一起的日子。 |
 |
| 我们长大成人了！！ |
Friday, January 20, 2012
pretty things
 |
| pretty things in the world. |
 |
| domo-kun~~~ |
 |
| snowflake~~ |
 |
| moonie moon~ |
 |
| cosy sock~~~ |
 |
| snowman!!! |
and ya. i know i went all the way outside of the house, removed all the drying clothes, under the big hot sun, just to hang up the socks, so i can take pretty pictures. but then, Christmas socks are meant to be hung, and its so pretty that its a waste to not take any pictures! hee.
from now on, let's collect pretty things in our lives. =D
心，再多一点点就好。
til then.
chaoz~
Sunday, January 15, 2012
nothing to do
recently, i've laze around so much that i'm starting to feel the guilt. now each time i watch a drama, i laze in bed, a voice would pop out saying ' you have something better to do than this' . arrrr. seems like my days to laze around have to finally stop and i will have to start to journey on the road again.
ya. i'm the kind of person that could barely pass my own conscience when i break a little small rule. i would feel anxious if i'm simply late for class. i would feel guilty when i decided to skip a class, or when i stay up late way past bed time, or when i'm late for home. and i would more or less freak out when i'm going to try a new road or a new way. pathetic.
all these god damn rules. who cares if i break them here and there? RULES. why are we even taught, trained even, to follow them? could rules bring us anywhere? what happen to being innovative, courageous, passionate, and enthusiastic? why aren't we taught of these at all? why aren't we taught to FEEL all these? they don't just come with age, you know. we have to PRACTISE them, like regularly, or they're as well as gone.
though this doesn't mean that i should continue to laze around. anyway, i think a no-rule-policy would be healthy for me even, a little extremity is good, a little nudge/ inspiration to do something crazy enough to stay with me for a lifetime, why not? that's what i lack of anyway, it would fix the mood-less problem right away.
let's say something very worthwhile and important pops up, i wish i would just give all i got for it.
on a completely different line of thought,
人要先认清自己，然后喜欢自己，才能展现自己。
如果是这样，我想是时候我应该进入第二阶段了。
til then.
chaoz~
ya. i'm the kind of person that could barely pass my own conscience when i break a little small rule. i would feel anxious if i'm simply late for class. i would feel guilty when i decided to skip a class, or when i stay up late way past bed time, or when i'm late for home. and i would more or less freak out when i'm going to try a new road or a new way. pathetic.
all these god damn rules. who cares if i break them here and there? RULES. why are we even taught, trained even, to follow them? could rules bring us anywhere? what happen to being innovative, courageous, passionate, and enthusiastic? why aren't we taught of these at all? why aren't we taught to FEEL all these? they don't just come with age, you know. we have to PRACTISE them, like regularly, or they're as well as gone.
though this doesn't mean that i should continue to laze around. anyway, i think a no-rule-policy would be healthy for me even, a little extremity is good, a little nudge/ inspiration to do something crazy enough to stay with me for a lifetime, why not? that's what i lack of anyway, it would fix the mood-less problem right away.
let's say something very worthwhile and important pops up, i wish i would just give all i got for it.
on a completely different line of thought,
人要先认清自己，然后喜欢自己，才能展现自己。
如果是这样，我想是时候我应该进入第二阶段了。
til then.
chaoz~
Saturday, January 7, 2012
my little world
ya. two post straight. its is time to sort things out anyway.
anyway. i'm gonna try to work with metaphor this time. it might be lame, but there's just this one random thought i wanna share. hee.
so, i think that, my world now is like an amoeba. you know, the insignificant little single cell micro-organism. so, like an amoeba, i've been wrapped in this small little bubble called plasma membrane since young.
first, there's diffusion through the thin little membrane. i've accepted values, education, knowledge, pretty good food through the membrane, for my own consumption.
next, this membrane is very thin. i could see through it and observe the outside world. i could see others. other organisms as well. and sometimes wonder that why i was born as an amoeba.
however, the membrane is strong, i've been wrapped up so tightly, i could hardly reach out to the big wide world. as time goes by, the amoeba grows bigger and stronger, and i tried even harder to push out to the big wide world. however, the plasma membrane has grown thicker over time. sometimes the amoeba can't even see others clearly any more. for a while, the amoeba just floats around without destination. therefore, the amoeba had been wrapped up by its own problems, eager to go out, but blinded by its own protective barrier.
but the amoeba would grow still, it would grow even bigger, and stretch out the thick plasma membrane so the world could be seen once more. even if there's still this plasma membrane it had since forever, it learnt to use its pseudopodia to reach out to others, to roll out to other places, to feel and to also see others. so, even though small and insignificant, people will one day notice her and acknowledge her.
the amoeba don't know its end. it hopes to grow bigger still until one day it explodes and the membrane is finally gone and she could finally be one with the big wide world. =D
hrm. lame. and messy. lol. embarrassed.
til then.
chaoz~
anyway. i'm gonna try to work with metaphor this time. it might be lame, but there's just this one random thought i wanna share. hee.
so, i think that, my world now is like an amoeba. you know, the insignificant little single cell micro-organism. so, like an amoeba, i've been wrapped in this small little bubble called plasma membrane since young.
first, there's diffusion through the thin little membrane. i've accepted values, education, knowledge, pretty good food through the membrane, for my own consumption.
next, this membrane is very thin. i could see through it and observe the outside world. i could see others. other organisms as well. and sometimes wonder that why i was born as an amoeba.
however, the membrane is strong, i've been wrapped up so tightly, i could hardly reach out to the big wide world. as time goes by, the amoeba grows bigger and stronger, and i tried even harder to push out to the big wide world. however, the plasma membrane has grown thicker over time. sometimes the amoeba can't even see others clearly any more. for a while, the amoeba just floats around without destination. therefore, the amoeba had been wrapped up by its own problems, eager to go out, but blinded by its own protective barrier.
but the amoeba would grow still, it would grow even bigger, and stretch out the thick plasma membrane so the world could be seen once more. even if there's still this plasma membrane it had since forever, it learnt to use its pseudopodia to reach out to others, to roll out to other places, to feel and to also see others. so, even though small and insignificant, people will one day notice her and acknowledge her.
the amoeba don't know its end. it hopes to grow bigger still until one day it explodes and the membrane is finally gone and she could finally be one with the big wide world. =D
hrm. lame. and messy. lol. embarrassed.
til then.
chaoz~
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