世事难料

yeap. a chinese post. had the inspiration to blog in chinese after reading few of my friends' blog. call me copy cat =p . haha. but i doubt it'll be any good. my chinese writing skills is so rusty these days. hardly even read chinese paper. imma mango-banana cross breed now =D

so. 世事难料。seriously. things are ever changing. why do i suddenly think of such sentimental stuff? its because of yesterday, when i visited my neighbour at her place for deepavali celebration, which caused my tummy to suffer due to too much curry consumption. anyways, back to topic. i was sitting in the living room, looking at the furniture, seeming oddly familiar... then, i remembered. its the same house where i used to play and spent time for many many of my primary school days. its the house of my old best friend, before she moved out, and went to a different school, and eventually lost contact all together except on facebook and twitter. i use the term 'oddly' familiar is because, the decorations in the same house are replaced by artistic and traditional indianish stuff. ya. that's why it took me some time to registered that it was the very same place. the place where i go to celebrate deepavali in recent years is actually the same one i used to go to celebrate Christmas long ago.

things have changed so much since then. my character. my circle of friends. my life. and more on my character. it took me back to many 'once upon a time', this one trip. it was a time when things are simple. when places don't have meaning of its own. when words only sound like words. when photos only look like pretty colours. there were no hidden meanings. no secret feelings. no memories were dragging us from behind. there was no unknown of the future to fear of. no trains of thoughts that link one thing to another, taking me to far far away from the now. once upon a time, everything that happened, was just the present.

it could seemed impossible, how the person i once was, could be the person i now am. yet, looking back, every step i took, every choice i made, have indeed lead me here. its like...fate. i could see the logic behind it, understand the becoming of it, analyse the factors that influence it, regret it, cherish it, but, i could still not see the person i yet to become. ya. still lost indeed.

世事难料、 人类善变， 让我想到很多事是不长久的。一个感觉，不管是多么多么的强烈，在时间的催促下，也可能只是一阵过云雨罢了。靠感觉、凭直觉，也是当时，一刹那间的错觉。时间一长，再真实的感觉也可能是假的。或许当时真的是真感情，可观念一改变，什么都过去了。

上了人生另一个阶段，新人物走进了我的世界。进入了大人的世界，危机重重、四处阴险。我不是遇上了什么坏人，而是看见了人类的现实、人类的自我、人类之古灵精怪。世界上什么种的人都有，这句话一点也不假。

面对新朋友、新同学，不再像以前那样坦诚、那样痛快。凡话要说先经大脑，凡决定要经三思，凡人不可全信，凡事都有了界限。人变聪敏了，可更复杂了。

面对新的世界，恐惧是有的。不打开心来，却感觉不到人间美丽又感动的一面。这么矛盾又困难的人间，到底要如何走下去？

对我而言，十九年，烦恼年。对错、真假、友敌、是非、上下、左右，再也不能一一分清了。

现在，只能做好自己，更爱自己，相信明天。

chaoz~

mango vs banana

when a mango talks to bananas, there will always have some misunderstanding.

here's an example of a conversation between a mango and bananas. EPIC!!

me: (trying to write presentation script) ehh, how to say 方便 in english ar??
banana 1: fang bian? room.
banana 2: behind.

*pause*

me: HUH???
banana 1: room la. room is...oh ya. room is fang2 jian1 horh?
me: huh???房间? i say 方便 larhh. then why is it 'behind'??
banana 2: erm. fang bian ma. behind lo.
me: errrr. behind is 后面la
banana 2: oh ya horh!!sounds the same.

banana 1: (still trying to help) i know! fang bian is put aside.
me: what?????
banana 1: (reconsidering answer) fang bian fang bian...oh ya, that is fang4 yi4 bian1 horh??
me: 放一边??

me: (gave up, ask third party)what is 方便??
ch: convenient la..
banana 1 and 2 : oh ya horhhhh.......

conclusion: bananas aren't the best dictionary for a mango =D

mango

i have an inspiration, indeed. after weeks racking my brain on how should i include secret codes, or how should i put the 'do not read aloud' sign in my blog post, just so my blog can be a little more private, the OBVIOUS solution came to me today. how have i not thought about it earlier??? the solution is..... type in CHINESE!! wahaha. simple yet perfect. more than half on my uni friends can't read or write Chinese, this would work well. imma genius. =D

but. I'm not that bad la. and I'm more comfortable typing in English. I'll just put in few sentences in Chinese.lol.

ya. mango. a term my friends came out with, which more or less summarise who and how i am. lol. I've spend years writing and blogging about how typical Chinese educated i am, how Chinese i act, how Chinese i live, and never encounter one simple term that summarise it all. MANGO. so lame yet so true. i'm proud and at the same time frustrated to be such a mango. typical mango quality: hardworking, self-motivated, responsible, closed minded?, traditional, kia su, honest...i dunno, there's pros and cons. all i know is, to be an engineer, a mango certainly couldn't work, at least its not enough to excel la. and i don't even know if i want to excel or not. oops.

何去何从??? once again, i'm lost. now that i'm living again, i'm encountering countless, different, unique human characters every single day. some which i can never understand, some i don't like, and some that i've hoped for all my life that i would have. lol. at this age, pre-adult age, trying to change and grow and go for the better. but, at the same time, everything is contradicting each other. my values and others, others values and my family's. its not like i have a sensei to ask for answers everytime this happens. its always me myself trying to figure out, stuck in between, and finally let it pass as if its nothing. there's always too many limitations. sometimes, i really really want to delete my whole personality, CHOOSE the character i want, and reset the whole thing all over again.

but then, here i am, still. slightly retarded, always too revealing, and easily scammed. lol. the best prey for everyone. haih. FACADE. how long have i been working on it? ever since i've encountered this term. damn phhhaaaaiil...

hmmm. but at least, as a mango, i'll always have the heart to continue to work for what i want. to have faith. to never give up. to believe.

when everything suddenly slows down, thoughts from nowhere came crashing into my mind. blog is where i unbottle it, arrange and reorganize it, so it'll be empty again to do other stuff.

far future always gives me the creeps. while near future always keep me busy from thinking about it.

step by step. one step at a time. taking baby steps. that's what i'll do for now =]

til then.

chaoz~

If I Die Young Taiping

haha. what a title. so ya. if i die young. finally listened to this song. its a beautiful song, and sort-of-some-how-i-don't-really-know-why turned out as our 'group's ' song. haha. so its my favourite song for now, without the 'taiping', of course.

since i know my ADORABLE friends are reading this blog, i'll just as well post about them. =p
so, our little group. consist of people of all different kinds, but united in two different ways: to-be-engineers and bananas ( majority) . or maybe half bananas. lol. so interpreted by this manner, I've ended up as the precious mango species, being yellow at the outside and the inside. wahaha.

so, people in our group. lively as ever. especially the 2 scammers. one Abu Bakar from the forest and one lead singer from if-i-die-young-taiping-band. they are... PRO like hell. the two backgrounds i mentioned are those i've actually believe in for weeks. sadly. i don't even wanna believe a single word they'd say anymore. and the scamming habit is actually spreading among our group, which is bad. coz it means i have to improve my skills in detecting them.

anyways, our first trip together will be 'broga hill trip to taiping' this Friday. i have no idea why everything relates to taiping. lol. anyhow, it'll be exciting as we plan to climb the hill at dawn, in the dark. hrm. too bad, there's no rabbit sate for later (there's a rabbit farm which is rumored to sell rabbit sate where you can eat the sate and play with the rabbits at the same time some where near broga hill apparently).

ya. so life now is basically revolving around studying, assignments, and of course our fellow 'if i die young taiping' crew mates. not much, but I've haven't really started joining any activities in uni or anything, and have stopped teaching at ttc since uni started. pretty interesting already, though there's of course more time to spare. so, had came face to face with my biggest obstacle again. public speaking. haih. red. this is EXACTLY what i'm talking about. I'm so totally beaten and disheartened by it. if things don't get better, i'll surely get stressed out again. hrm. solution? toastmaster i think. as proposed by both my sis and Prof. Matthew. people like me really need it, i think. haih.

anyways, life's good. when i say its good, i mean, really awesome. =D seriously. everything is so great and fine and cool and happy. i feel like, I'm back in.... form 3 again. or form 4 and 5. those are the happy days of my high school life. I've finally start to open up again, i think.

hrm. looks like I've come from a long way since then. this year, 2011, seems like a very long year. its only September but i feel like its been for ages. mostly because it consists of 3 stages, from a levels, to long holidays, to my first semester of university. things have changed and progressed so much i couldn't really catch up to it. no matter, things have gone for the better, and things are going in my way for once =D.

owh. I'll not blog until mid term holidays. i can so foresee that already. given TONNES of assignments to complete by next Friday. not exaggerating either. I'm so so dead if i cant finish them on time.

hrm. life's busy. and full. good news for me. less time thinking, more time working. enjoying it =D


til then.

chaoz~

Sing A Happy Song =D

woohoo..recently life is in a happy tone..need to get used to all these great stuff, really. since when do i feel such happiness to just attend daily classes?? i actually go to uni for the purpose of meeting friends instead of just to study..this emphasize how really lifeless a levels is. i mean, its normal to feel happy going to school right? after all, school life is like one of the best moments in life. its NORMAL to feel good just going to classes. finally, i feel like i'm back to my high school self, my normal self.. its weird how much disconnected i feel after only one and a half years of shittiness to be back to old self. well, life in monash is awesome anyways, so i'll get used to all the great stuff soon enough. =D

and ya. my BELOVED uni friends found out about this blog. screw Google =.= argh. this means, i can't be THAT frank in blog any more. how embarrassing it is for them to find out about 'banana-cified'. LOL. haha. but seriously, how much can i hide from the way i blog??hrm.. a challenge then. maybe i should try secret codes or something..wahaha.

okay. back to topic. life is awesome yet apparently not all people in monash are adorable like my friends. haha. i meant, they are really some JERKS in monash!!referring to the B people again. hmph!! how much trouble they've caused me!!those thick-faced-yet-tin-kosong BASTARDS!!! omg. can't believe people like them do exist man..how can they live to themselves??argh. no more elaboration here or it'll spoil my blogging mojo.

anyways, my iPad is seriously causing a problem these days. it distracts not only me, but my fellow friends too!! soooo many people are blaming me for it.. argh well. can't blame them for that coz i myself is infected by the 'iPad virus' too. hmph. seriously, strict self discipline is needed for owning an iPad as awesome as mine. hee.

oh. and the so-called-fun-building-a-hospital-project i mentioned last post??turn out to be nothing but useless and stressful work!!argh. now i soooo HATE engineering profession. there's endless assignments. literally ENDLESS. not to mention damn annoying, with all the very close datelines and many stupid criteria to follow while doing the assignment. ishh,,

so, uni life. LOVE IT. despite the annoying people and subject. wahaha. but things are gonna start to get busy and even stressful. there's datelines to be meet, all sorts of tests, quizzes, assignments and self-revision to be done. and i can say the same for all my friends in my batch. almost everyone had started uni by now, be it here or overseas, all working hard to prepare for the future..its like WOW. finally we're going out there too.. i wonder what it will be like when all of us start to work, get married, have a family, grow old and all. it'll be like a sight of no other. a cycle that has repeated itself over a zillion times yet still a miracle..touching right?haha. i don't know. its just like friends are now scattered all over the place but i know we're bound to bump into each other again one fine day =D

anyways, the inspiration of the post title this time comes from the 'smurf' movie. haha. cute yet meaningful i think. its a nice movie =D

i've noticed that i've go more for =D than =] this days.. haha..means my smile is getting bigger!!maybe i'll need even bigger smile like XD or XXD for the future days. hee =D


til then.

chaoz~

banana-cified

oh yeah~~enjoying life now..i'm a university student man~ call me mahasiswi!!pro lerh..haha..anyway, after 3 weeks plus, FINALLY got into the mood, i'm enjoying lessons, break time, hanging around doing nothing and doing endless assignments and quizs and tests. seriously, they come one after another..no end to it until the semester ends i guess.

anyway, i've met some cool friends!! we have like formed some sort of gang now..haha..i finally have sit-at-the-back-of-lecture-hall-girl-friends now!!so cool!!and some pretty nice guy friends too. BUT. they all don't speak Mandarin. oops. so for me its like bye bye to Chinese speaking, and welcome banana world. haha. i'm turning into a banana now!! its kinda a challenge for me. my English is not THAT fluent. once they started to talk fast, i'm like lost for a while and become quiet. haha.. its some good training for me though.

monash engineering course is seriously like a banana land. haha. i HARDLY find any mandarin speaking people. in my batch i mean. i've met quite a few from semester 2 seniors in PSA classes. they're very nice too =D but in my batch, seriously. out of like 200 students, only 20 sth or so are girls, half of them are international students, half of the half are bananas. so the rest..hmm..u can count larh.. but even so, banana land is not bad at all either..i enjoy the conversations more than ever.. haha..their way of speaking and expressing with slangs and metaphors often awe me. lol. pai seh acting jakun here. after all, i'm the most chinese chinese you can find..so falling into banana land is like getting into wonderland!! haha..a little exaggeration here.

and. there's this thing. engineering is seriously a very GUYISH course. so technical and scientific and all. so for girls, think very very seriously before going for engineering course. if you hate the subjects,you'll hate whatever there is in engineering. and oyou can't survive in this manly guyish course. haha..hopefully i'll stay girly enough though. LOL.

yep. life's good. ipad's good =D . hopefully all friends and people are doing well too all over the world, where ever you are. take care, people. and friends, let's meet in... banana land???haha!

til then. chaoz~

so...uni life indeed...

okay. the first week of my university life has passed. so..how was it??hmm. i can say its a fresh start indeed. for the first time, going to some place with no familiar faces, no friends at the first day whatsoever. indeed, finally a chance to set up a whole new image, giving first impressions, coping culture shock..a whole new start. a perfect place to train up my 'red ness' indeed..

so how i was doing?hmmm..not that well..not that i suck or something..just this stuff can't really be rushed you know..first of all, the week starts with lectures. as in real lectures held in a big auditorium, with lights dim, and slide shows and all. ya, lecture halls ain't the best place to interact. you just sit there and listen, say hi to your neighbour beside you, after lectures, off you go to respective destinations. plus, i don't really like to sit at the front in the lecture hall, which means i actually sit among the guys, and not the girls, who sits right at the front taking down notes. oops.

next, there's this weird timetable, each people set their own timetable, chooses their own subjects. and so most probably you'll be in different classes all together for each tutorial and laboratory classes with each other..tutorial is a better place to make friends, and most of them starts in the second week. hmm..seems that i'm doing not too bad in the first week, the second week should probably be better??

so, i had make the effort to make friends okay..haha..i've actually met quite many people and talked to them. too bad all the faces are different in every class, so i haven't actually really KNOW someone..i actually even get to know people from India, Kenya, Bangladesh, Indonesia and of course people from other states. its like wow. monash is INDEED an international university..

yep. so i still don't have lunch mate, not knowing the people close enough, especially GIRLS. and the guys all look like soloist too.. oh well..i believe things would be better in the second week. having more tutorial classes and all..then i can start joining clubs and societies??hmmm..nice indeed..

so. monash huh..i never dreamt i'll actually be studying here..its like a high class university..the services is first class, the security guards are friendly and helpful..i saw there's rock climbing, snookering , Foosball facilities in the university.. WOW. compare to *cough* inti *cough*..its really different..the lecturers are nice, and i trust their teaching is good too. and their online system is wonderful!! web drive and website system those..i can access everything on my iPad!!haha..and i mean EVERYTHING. lecture notes, practices, past year assessments, announcements.. everything is so organized and ready-made..my iPad is sooooooooo useful =D

oh ya, and the library??its AWESOME.. there's more computers than enough, each also already contain all the files of all the lectures..and on the 3rd floor, there's actually a seperated room with cosy, colourful bean bags, sofas, cushions and small desks..sooo fitted for a slow study or short rest or just to hang out..so, my dad paid for me to study here. hrm. so expensive. and so i MUST study well, learn well, behave well. or i think i'll kena lightning or god'll take away all the awesome stuffs i have..like my car and iPad. hrm. choi! so, i promise to be good!!

okay. the classes. its interesting..for the first week its mostly repeating of form 5 and a level stuff, though they go through it quite fast..aiks. and i wasn't really paying attention. i believe i'll need absolute attention in future lessons, as the lectures progress quite fast. oops.. eventually i'll also need skills to jot down the lectures..hmm.. so the only interesting part of my curremt assignment now is to build a hospital!! haha.. its a project in Engineering Professions. where we're randomly spilt into groups of 5, then its like we're hired by some real life medical group, to build a actual private hospital in Bandar Puchong. cool huh?? and the main thing is to come out with a design where its energy efficient and maximises usage of reusable energy..we have to consider the cost, feasibility, energy, design, facilities, location, technology, comfort, services and other aspects we're to put in the hospital. haha. i'm in charge of the design..so i'm trying to find any materials concerning going green buildings.

hmm..uni life indeed. this is going to be a awesome four years =D

chaoz~