over react

one thing i can't control is over reacting. not that i don't want to control, but its like automatic. and i hate it.

i know some problems i faced were small matters, tiny tiny matters just enough to make any other people make a face and forget about it, some of the problems are not even MY problems. But, i ALWAYS over react. As though they were super big matters, like the sky is falling down or something. Its like i couldn't just bottle up all my opinions or feelings on that case. I have to pour every last drop of it out until i really have had enough complains about it. If its my problems, even worse. i wouldn't want to share it, but still, it pours out little by little, like it is being forced through a bottle cap..

And the thing i can't comprehend is where the heck did i get the influence of this 'over-reactingness'??My elder sister is the calmest people i've ever seen in solving probles like this, rationally catogarizing each case as important or not. my lil sis is the ' i don't care' or 'don't care la' type, who also always dismisses my problems by saying' its nothing de larh...' So, why myself is having this problem??if i could recognise it, wanting to handle with it, how come it still exists. i didn't care much about it in high school. but after entering college i tried to handle with this problem, and i see myself being more patient (much more) with things, and not over reacting over petty things already. i could handle stuffs well, organise, plan, solve people's problems, deal with people as calmly as possible, and more, i could also catogarize things which really matter, or does not. Yet still.

what's the big deal?not important de larh..so what??don't care la..like i care??whatever...talks that i couldn't or have yet to walk.

I'm always finding a pail. Anyone anywhere. Each period or year there's a different person. Just so i can repeat my problems that are running through my brain. Just repeating it would make me feel better. But i doubt it makes any other feels better. Or next time i'll just find myself a recorder. pathetic.

Hmm. At this instant, i got a slight idea of where all of these are coming from. Should be from my 'blueness'. You know, the logical, analithical, working solo character. Yep, i just think too much. Its just no way i could switch off my mind. And i experienced that LITERALLY in that stupid sleepless night. Not because of thinking that i couldn't sleep.Its because of my sleeplessness that i have to keep thinking until 4am in the morning=.= Whoa. Is that tiring. Any random stuff: from stact club, to emcee, to souvenir, to opening ceremony, to pekan nanas, to thinking skills, to what to wear for wedding dinner, to what time i take bus, to what i wear tomorrow morning, to why i still can't just sleep, just drop dead also will do (touch wood), to why i keep thinking, to why i keep thinking bout why i keep thinking, to guys, to girls, to hamsters... and then repeat the WHOLE cycle. Well, you get the idea. haih.



a quote from some dhamma book: accept what u could or couldn't do.

oh well. haven't see open. mean while, 'enjoy' the restlessness. haha. just human.


til then.

chaoz~

the final moment....

hah. dramatic post heading..just to give myself the mood that AS exam is in one week's time T.T and my new blog heading!!nice??hee..

okay. i've caught myself in the situation that i'll have AS exam and charity carnival and johor-3-day-2-night wedding trip all in this coming few weeks. brave me. and i'm not that free. nor that prepared for exam. aikssss. slacked this few days!!!no.......aiks. and AS exam is no joke. its not very hard. but not easy to score. what about the practical testssss??scary!!!and if i want to survive A2. this is the time i dig myself a well first. or prepare myself an umbrella. something like that. haha.

ok. so many things to do. what to wear to the wedding dinner??haha. what to give??and have to find all people i need in my ceremony. asap. argh. so that i can go for my AS exam in peace..and the VIP's souvenior. and yat lei's picture. and my further maths??can't afford to abandon it for another month again.

argh. motivation!!!i've wasted 2 days of this week already. i know i'm able to do all of these if i get into the mode NOW. shit you, facebook, why am i always fb-ing nowadays??this is the critical moment already. either i'll wasted my effort for the whole year, or i'm able to hit all my aims in one shot. NOW is the critical moment, because if i start any later, it'll be too late to get back on track already. and i dare suggested to go for karaeoke this week in class today..oh my, i'm so outta my mind!! no more time!!time to focus!!

now only i begin to feel anxious. right after i received call from Esther that inti idol would like to perform for us. its an incredibly good news for me and but then only i start to picture the events for the carnival. THEN only i really realise there is soooo much to do. GREAT. smart me.

going for shopping now T.T

plssss let me survive this.pls oh pls oh plsssss....

good luck people. good luck MAS 1.

chaoz~

grateful and thankful

you know what??its comforting that from now on i will always have a foster mum to talk to. i really thx cs and thx fate for this.

happy mooncake festival. may all families be well and happy. =]

chaoz~

life after cs.....STUDY MODE

lol. weird heading. anyway, things back to the 'real life' mode. no more exuberant happiness, sadness, hyperactivity...back to study mode. just done with mock exam and the real one is on 3 weeks time...

well. study wise i'm kinda dead actually. i'm so left behind with my A2 sylabbles. and i haven't touch further maths for a month=.= so so dead. as for the mock, stupid inti paper. ALL de papers are just copied from past year papers. what's the point having mock exam then???its just as well practising with past year questions. hopeless inti a levels.

hmm. life pace slow down a bit once the mock exam ended yesterday. busy for a whole month for the cs, then once back, switched back to study mode and catch up with everything and prepare for the mock. now its over, suddenly i have so much free time. 1st thing i did after exam yesterday was trying the Mcshakey cheese, then went home and did 3 hours of teaching. coz student is having trials soon, then, spam on anime for the rest of the day and today. lol. need a good book now or i'll turn into a anime freak.

yaya. have some things to update using the free time i have now. like doing other hobbies that i wanted and update with my foster family. lol. but other wise, i'm quite free.

anyway, found that some of my friends had got tired of teaching and wanted to give up or already gave up. hmm. for me, no matter how much trouble it caused me sometimes. its still worth it. i still enjoy more mixing around with juniors than my own batch of friends. and , well, i can practically score my maths exam with flying colours. lol.

new aims:
-drive
-cook
-read and know more
-yoga????aiks
-smile
-contact lens
-bye bye dark circles
-DECIDE and prepare on what to study next year, others are already starting with their personal statement
-find new art work to do, no more pom poms
-find new challenge.
-find bf. LOL. jk jk. present likely candidate=zero.
-so meanwhile, continue to upgrade myself. hee
-care, love, help, appreciate
-blog more often??
-score AS levels in freaking flying colours. since i already chose the path as a book worm for this year.
-don't give up on further maths. aiks.

haha. realized there was a similar list few post before. lol. i like to make lists to keep me going=] okay. that's all.

til then.

chaoz~

a magical fate-缘

yep. people. its magical. having a foster family is simply magical.

from being strangers. den whoa la!!they're ur new family!!haha.its really quite scary and weird at the beginning. but then u have to trust them and embrace the whole new relationship, just like how they trust you=] so first of all, thxs to my tree!!

hee. under this tree, here we meet, and here we held the 'adoption' ceremony. haha. its also on the tree where my foster parents picked out my name!!which is the socond last piece of name on the tree that time. its fate i tell u, fate. simply magical=]

haha. so now. introducing my foster family!! from left, my foster mum, dad, sis and her daughter, charlie=] my foster family's surname is hoon, who owns a kopitiam, where i had breakfast every morning at pekan nanas before the first event of the day. nice old place.. they are the ones who provide me home and food for 1 week or i'll certainly be dead far then. haha.

see, people??i'm actually getting along with small kids!!!haha. coz charlie is so adult like. seriously, i'm so shocked when she first spoken to me on the first day. whoa. her tone and her ability to speak. you call that a 3 year old??lol. u won't believe it until u see her with your own eyes i tell you. cute, smart, pretty charlie=]

charlie holding her xiu xiu!!!haha..

foster family brought me to visit the plantations.sou eei came with us too=]

hee. having a foster family really feels good. its like having more extra people to care for you. to love you. and of course to care for too. its like the family tree having a whole new big branch. connected to more people. loved by more people. having a family at johor wei. how cool is that??haha!!some people even say how we look alike with each of our foster parents!!lol. and really, yuen shyan is sooo alike with her foster mum.people say i look like my foster dad. lol.see, people??its fate again!!haha.and of course, i have so many many extra siblings!!i'm actually the youngest in my foster family, not counting charlie. i have 3 sis, 2 whom i've met, 1 at kl whom i haven't seen her before, yet. and 1 big bro!!haha..how i've always wanted a big brother, and now i have one=]

during the 7 days, i've also met other families...

my beloved camperssssss

love them lotsss...

and of course, never ever forgetting our BIG family,

the one and only 21st cs group=]


our last photo before i head back to kl.

proudly proclaiming, i'm a 21st cs member. jkjk. LOL.

p/s: i'm suppose to be bookworming again nowadays. not blogging. aiks. can't imagine how i'm gonna live through the whole study week at home next week. shit.

til then.

chaoz~

A reason, a season, and a lifetime...

i've read this article from a dhamma book...would like to share it with all of you=]

People come into your life fora reason, a season or alifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emtionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your art or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow and learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it,it is real. But only for a season.
Lifetime relationships teach you lifetimelessons,
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

yep,people. this is why we meet. for a reason, season and a lifetime.
treasure our relationships. treasure our time. let's all learn about life and live life=]

hee.spoken like a true monk huh. what to do. tummy ache for 2 days. yesterday fever time. make me no mood study at all. so today so random pick up a dhamma book to read lo. haha. hope u all'll learn and realise somthing from it.

let's us appreciate of what we have shall we??

lao tze said ' He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough'.

nitez, people=]


chaoz~

back from cs=]

yep. i'm back from the super tough and awesome and touching and tring event, 21st cs. yep, i've grown. yep, i've done most of the things i decided to do before i go cs. yes, i'm transformed a little. yes, i look life at a different perspect now. yes, i'm super motivated now.

yes, i'm back at inti. back to reality. transformation successful. how long'll it last?how much have i really learnt and absorb???what'll i do next now i've taste changes in life??

hmm. now i'm still good. and i wanna get better better and better. how i wish i can share every single details here bout the magical 7 days. but u know larh. mock exam in 2 weeks. AS exam in 6. aiks. and i so wanna make something to every single committee to thank them . aiks. b4 king fly. b4 tian xin fly. do i have the time??hope so.

i love cs so co much. and so, now i'llhave more plan for my near future.

1. continue the smiling habit
2. score super duper well in AS
3. keep in touch with my foster family
4. keep in touch with all cs people.
5. enjoy life, appreciate.
6. remember all love and care i've received during cs and repay to others somehow some day, starting from now.
7. drive.
8. be a better person.
9. love.

til then.

chaoz people.