Saturday, February 4, 2012

根

那天,抱着一个懒洋洋的心情和大伙儿回了咱们的小学。 


见到了故时的老师,就报上名来,一时也忘了最后一次探望老师们其实是整整八年以前的事,老师们不认得我们也理所当然。所以,就开始和老师说起种种"当年事迹",说我们是哪年哪年级的同学,说我是惠娥的女儿。看着老师深深凝望着我的脸孔,努力地思考、想像,才从"一脸疑惑",到"有些印象",终于"恍然大悟"。然后,更是又惊又喜地感叹我们长得多大、多高、个个变了俊男美女、多么与当年的我们不一样。再来就是千般万般的关心我们上了那间大学,家人好不好,姐妹几大了,种种问候寒暄。 


又见到了好几位老师,一样重复了整个"过程"。竟然莫名地兴奋了起来,也很稀少地提起兴致地交谈起来。特别享受的是老师们那好奇、疑惑,至恍然大悟、惊喜、一直研究者我们的面容的---眼神。可能好久没受到这种注目了吧,可能好久没人因我的出现而这般的惊喜,心里竟然得意了。


 在学校的各个角落,都绕了一回。好像寻宝似的,寻找那些年,我们所留下的痕迹。图书馆外,仍有当年我们集体画的壁画;辅导室外,有我画来设计布告栏的人画,画的是我的妈妈和一位老师;图书馆里,竟然也收着我们以前做的剪报;食堂让我们想起那一次我们不知何故而引发的一场"食物战争";舞台和礼堂,给了我们很多比赛、表演、做司仪、后台工作的回忆;办公室也是我常呆着等妈妈放工的地方,给我的印象是很冷,有很多大人,有时开食物派对的地方。 


最意外的收获是我们竟然找着了许多许多我们小时候的照片。我们根本不知道会有那么多的照片收藏在图书馆里,从三年级的、在各种场合的照片都有。看到我们与各位同窗小时候的照片:运动会、话剧、上课、做司仪时的、服装表演。。。真让我们又开怀大笑、又欣慰。我还得回了一张我演着济公的相片,这么丑的一张照片留在母校真是有点损坏我的面容。好在终于归还于我了,免得落在他人手里,到时我还有面子可言的?呵。 


再看看一同前往的同伴,突然发现他们不只是一班"和我就读同一所小学的同窗",而是一班"互相看着大家长大的老老朋友"。转眼间已经十二、三年了,好难得,竟然还保持着联络。 


回到了小学,仿佛看到了当年的自己,当年纯真的思想,当年的简单。放学铃声响起,一大群小学生从我们身旁、全部矮矮的、如鱼贯水地挤了出去,更突出了我们现在的高大、我们与当年相比的改头换面,提醒不再是小孩的我们。


原只是为了拜访母校的我们,反而好像经历了一个走回童年时光的旅程。这一次,让我想起来、记起来、清清楚楚看到了我的根,我在这长大路程的始点。


回母校的这一段感言,不用母语写的话一定带不出当时的感觉。


很珍惜、很感恩我这一段童年的回忆。
某年某日,那些年我们一起的日子。
我们长大成人了!!


Friday, January 20, 2012

pretty things

pretty things in the world.

domo-kun~~~

snowflake~~

moonie moon~

cosy sock~~~

snowman!!!
 lol. i know i'm making no sense here. just wanna share the pretty pictures =D

and ya. i know i went all the way outside of the house, removed all the drying clothes, under the big hot sun, just to hang up the socks, so i can take pretty pictures. but then, Christmas socks are meant to be hung, and its so pretty that its a waste to not take any pictures! hee.


from now on, let's collect pretty things in our lives. =D

心,再多一点点就好。

til then.

chaoz~

Sunday, January 15, 2012

nothing to do

recently, i've laze around so much that i'm starting to feel the guilt. now each time i watch a drama, i laze in bed, a voice would pop out saying ' you have something better to do than this' . arrrr. seems like my days to laze around have to finally stop and i will have to start to journey on the road again.

ya. i'm the kind of person that could barely pass my own conscience when i break a little small rule. i would feel anxious if i'm simply late for class. i would feel guilty when i decided to skip a class, or when i stay up late way past bed time, or when i'm late for home. and i would more or less freak out when i'm going to try a new road or a new way. pathetic.

all these god damn rules. who cares if i break them here and there? RULES. why are we even taught, trained even, to follow them? could rules bring us anywhere? what happen to being innovative, courageous, passionate, and enthusiastic? why aren't we taught of these at all? why  aren't we taught to FEEL all these? they don't just come with age, you know. we have to PRACTISE them, like regularly, or they're as well as gone.

though this doesn't mean that i should continue to laze around. anyway, i think a no-rule-policy would be healthy for me even, a little extremity is good, a little nudge/ inspiration to do something crazy enough to stay with me for a lifetime, why not? that's what i lack of anyway, it would fix the mood-less problem right away.

let's say something very worthwhile and important pops up, i wish i would just give all i got for it.


on a completely different line of thought,
人要先认清自己,然后喜欢自己,才能展现自己。
如果是这样,我想是时候我应该进入第二阶段了。

til then.

chaoz~

Saturday, January 7, 2012

my little world

ya. two post straight. its is time to sort things out anyway.

anyway. i'm gonna try to work with metaphor this time. it might be lame, but there's just this one random thought i wanna share. hee.

so, i think that, my world now is like an amoeba. you know, the insignificant little single cell micro-organism.  so, like an amoeba, i've been wrapped in this small little bubble called plasma membrane since young.

first, there's diffusion through the thin little membrane. i've accepted values, education, knowledge, pretty good food through the membrane, for my own consumption.

next, this membrane is very thin. i could see through it and observe the outside world. i could see others. other organisms as well. and sometimes wonder that why i was born as an amoeba.

however, the membrane is strong, i've been wrapped up so tightly, i could hardly reach out to the big wide world. as time goes by, the amoeba grows bigger and stronger, and i tried even harder to push out to the big wide world. however, the plasma membrane has grown thicker over time. sometimes the amoeba can't even see others clearly any more. for a while, the amoeba just floats around without destination. therefore, the amoeba had been wrapped up by its own problems, eager to go out, but blinded by its own protective barrier.

but the amoeba would grow still, it would grow even bigger, and stretch out the thick plasma membrane so the world could be seen once more. even if there's still this plasma membrane it had since forever, it learnt to use its pseudopodia to reach out to others, to roll out to other places, to feel and to also see others. so, even though small and insignificant, people will one day notice her and acknowledge her.

the amoeba don't know its end. it hopes to grow bigger still until one day it explodes and the membrane is finally gone and she could finally be one with the big wide world. =D

hrm. lame. and messy. lol. embarrassed.

til then.

chaoz~

学华语

哈哈。我又来这里重新学华语啦!首先,祝各位新年快乐!尤其是我那年的朋友们,因为今年,我们终于不再是少年了。

对啦,我的人生竟然就有两个十年了。说老不老,说嫩也不对。如果说,十九年是烦恼年,那么,二十年就希望他是觉悟的一年。真的希望这一年不再那么迷茫,凡是都来个了断,真正的可以求个心安理得。也可以清楚明确地正视自己,接受不足,也接受让二十年时光琢磨而形成的自己。接受自己选择的那么一条路,相信自己能力能走好这条路。不再为自己始终所不是的执着,不再那么在意世人的看法,不再去羡慕他人的好。感觉上已在原地踏步了好久,是时候放下一些累赘的思想,才能有力气继续往前、往上走。

真的真的不再是少年了。总觉得自己根本没那所谓的大人样。总希望这么的一天可以再迟些来,少年的青嫩始终是珍贵的。

啊。。。长大了。心里这个问题一直没有解答。“怎么办???”

Thursday, December 29, 2011

2012 new year resolution.

today is a bad day. but the tears have to flow so oh well. but this would be a positive post. i've already posted the super emo one elsewhere where no one would ever read and i would delete it one very fine day.

few days later imma gonna be freaking twenty!!! NO!!!! i'm still shoooo far from BEING twenty. i still have not left my teens rebellious stage!! GAHHH.

so due to such events, this resolution would be totally random and unprepared yet necessary. haih. so, here goes.

what the hell i'm doing? i need to read more. like a lot. of everything.

what happened to my 'improve-my-redness' plan? if it goes on like this i'll just join toast masters and close case. no more screwing up presentations!! pffft.

and i need to be more focused and aware to the surrounding. no more disappearing from fb and the outside world.

and i need to work on my FACADE.

and i need to get more involved in stuff and seriously open up.

and i have to have fun. k?no more serious, no fun life.

and i need to just relax. stop being so tense and nervous!!

and i need to act like twenty. one way or another.

argh. this is gonna have to work. its uni life man!! last days of being irresponsible and naive and to grow up and to explore.

i'm really desperate. is being twenty so stressful? lol.

okay. i'll stop freaking out here.

just..happy new year to myself!! i meant every single word. HAPPY. NEW. YEAR.

and happy new year to all of you too =D

til then.

chaoz~






Tuesday, December 20, 2011

don't wanna grow up

its December. The year is ending, so is my teens.

its my last year of teens. From next year on, I'll be in my twenties. another decade of my life is coming to an end.

allow me a short moment of wanting to freeze time. allow me to stay as a teen for a little longer. allow me a short moment to be irresponsible and childish and free. for this moment, i would like to express as i feel and as i wish. for this moment, i would like to laugh and cry and shout and sleep as i please. for this moment, i would like to make a face to whoever who displeases me. for this moment, i would like to jump and laugh as ridiculous as i could be. for this moment, i would  not have to shove smiles and pleasantries to just any people. for this moment, i would not have to think and think and think again of each action I've already made, I 'm making, and that i have to make. for this moment, i would not have to go through pros and cons before reaching a decision. for this moment, doing something is just for wanting to do it. for this moment, façade is just a six letter word which has no meaning and holds no importance. for this moment, i would be totally free.

though even in my teens, totally free does not always happen. now leaving my teens, freedom holds even less importance. there's CONSEQUENCES. and it would not be SMART enough to just do what i feel. its expected to have RESPONSIBILITY on actions made. we have to WEIGH what to do and what not to do. we have to THINK. we have to KNOW. we have to DO WHAT'S BEST.

just for a moment, allow me to not grow up, to stay as reckless, as ridiculous, as tooopid, as emotional, and as HONEST as a teen. let me go back to the days where my brain wasn't as awake as now, where peace could be easily find, where now it automatically analyses each tiny little thing it encounters.

let me go back to the days where bunch of old friends meet every single day, where we have not been scattered around the world, and have not settled and move on with our seperate paths. where the things we shared are not just sweet memories.

my teens is nearly over. Its the purest, liveliest, fullest, youngest, most honest days of my life. though mistakes made, and some regrets remain, I would cherish it forever.

here ends my farewell speech to my teens. now the moment is over, here i am again, heading towards reality, forever going forward. go twenties!!